Page 19 of Only You

“What about what I want, Brice?” She said as she leaned her head down into her palms, brushing her hand back over her short hair. I walked over, took her chin between my fingers, and lifted her head to meet my eyes. Then I lifted my thumb and brushed it down her lip. I wanted her to see the sincerity in my eyes and my love for her in my touch.

“I plan to give you everything you want, best friend.” She scoffed.

“Right… Best friend,” she dryly said.

Damn. That didn’t go the way I saw it in my head.

“Tay…” Before I could correct the statement, the doorbell rang.

“It’s Steph and Jourdan. Do you feel like having company? They come over every day at the same time to check on you and their nephew.”

“Yeah, let them in. I only plan to have this conversation once anyway,” she said. I placed the bottle on the counter to settle, then headed to answer the door. On the way, I glanced into the living room to ensure I hadn’t left a mess when I sat there earlier. I opened the door, and Jourdan barged in, pushing me aside.

“Damn, you do know that this isn’t your damn house anymore, right?”

“Yeah, whatever, where’s my baby?” When Jourdan crossed back through the living room, looking for Bryson, she paused. Tayla had taken him out of his bouncer and was feeding him. Itook Angel from Steph and laid her on my chest like I had Bryson. He walked over and stood behind Jourdan. I was sure to diffuse the situation if it got out of hand.

“Jourdan,” Tayla said.

“Tayla,” She followed with just as much attitude. Jourdan was a match your energy type of person, but I needed her to calm the hell down.

“Sheeit!” Steph boomed out. I glanced up from where I was kissing Angel’s forehead to see Steph with one hand out, scared to touch Jourdan, and the other running down the back of his neck.

“Baby, sit down,” he said as he managed to get JoJo to sit on the couch. Tayla stood and slowly walked over to the sofa with Bryson in her arms. She sat on the opposite end with her body facing her.

“You cut your hair?” Jourdan asked.

“Yeah, I figured it was one less thing I had to worry about when I was left to raise my child alone because my family turned their backs on me.”

“Tay, I’m sorry,” she pushed out.

“You damn sure are! You two thought I didn’t notice that you hid things from me. Brice, you wouldn’t open a door unless I turned my head because you didn’t trust me with the door code. What in the fuck did I ever do to either of you to make you treat me like that. You two were my constant, and hardly ever was I not with one of you. When in the hell did I have time to be working with Nina’s ass? The only time I saw her was when you did.”

“I fucked up, Tay. You would have done the same; it’s how we were trained. That’s no excuse, but I was so messed up then, I’m stillmessed up. I let any and everything cloud my judgment until Steph came along. I’ve been talking through and working on a lot of my shit with a therapist. I didn’t know how to deal with my grief. I still don’t. Missing you alive was better for me than missing you dead.” Jourdan said sincerely, staring into her eyes. Tayla broke eye contact and began to stare daggers at me instead.

“Brice, where’s your damn apology? You let her shoot at me!...,” Tayla said. I could hear her voice crack before she stopped talking to gather her breath.

“I tried calling you all day before you showed up that night. I must have called your phone over a hundred times, JoJo,” she said as she stared into her eyes. She was looking for the acceptance of her fault in the situation. I’d run the scenario over in my head one thousand times, and the outcome remained the same. We wouldn’t have trusted her. It was all so fucked up. Tayla waved her hand in front of her face nonchalantly before speaking again.

“Anyways, Nina had called me wanting to have lunch, and you know how I felt about that. I was willing to accept any scraps she tossed on top of the garbage she’d made of my life. I went over, using my key to get in instead of the bell. When I entered, she was on the phone arguing with who I now know was Julius. She confessed to what she’d done and was crying about his ass not choosing her. Tuh, and she always called me weak. I guess she was right because I let the two of you treat me like an associate instead of the family you were to me.” I sagged beside her in anguish as her shoulders deflated.

“I shouldn’t have come here. I had tunnel vision when I decided that I was going to take care of Nina and get my family back. But you two don’t care about me. What you say now doesn’t matter; I can’t trust you any more than either of you trusts me. I guess it was good that I didn’t know I was pregnant that night,” Tayla said as she stood and handed Bryson to Jourdan. She had flipped the script, and I didn’t blame her.

“Tay, wait, please,” Jourdan pleaded. Tayla ignored her as she walked as fast as she could to the guest bedroom and slammed the door. Jourdan sat with the same hurt expression I had because grief had made us do some pretty fucked up things all under the guise of trust to the one person we loved our entire life.

Shit!Now, that went exactly how I thought it would go.

“Take your ass back there and get your woman, Brice,” Steph said. I didn’t even try to argue with the title he gave her because he wasn’t wrong. I’d already acknowledged that she and I were meant to be together. I walked just as slowly as Tay had when she came back here. I stood before the door and prayed before lifting my hand to knock.

“Tay, Baby, can I come in?” I asked. She didn’t respond, so I chanced turning the knob to find it unlocked and made my way inside. She was sitting in the corner on a bench before the window, staring into the backyard. She hadn’t even turned to acknowledge that I was in the room. I sat on the bench beside her and gathered my thoughts before I spoke. Then I took her hands into mine, hoping she would give me her attention.

“I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like I don’t love you, because I do,” I said, breathing deeply.

“In your time away, I realized that my love for you was more than that of a best friend, Tay.” I paused and swallowed. I wanted to ensure that the next thing I said was clear and free from misunderstanding.

“I’m in love with you and wish I had told you sooner. Now it just seems like some fucked up revelation that I’m telling you to cover my guilt and fucking trust issues,” I said, running my hand down the front of my face.

“I’ve spent the last year trying to figure out why I stood there and let my sister blame you for something I knew in my heart that you didn’t do. I missed you with everything in me, Tay. I thought I was doing fine without you, but for the last year, I couldn’t tell you a time throughout the day when you didn’t cross my mind, and I acted like it never happened. I wasn’t living, I was existing without you. I was ready to come and find you. I’d decided that I didn’t give a fuck what JoJo thought about it, then you ended up on my operating table. It’s hard for me to trust; it always has been,” I said, pausing and taking another deep breath.

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