Page 48 of Finding Yesterday

As much as I’d love to coax him to talk more about his feelings, I can’t stand to see him look like this. Besides, what am I going to do, press him about things he painfully can’t remember? If I never saw that face on him again, it’d be too soon.

“Do you miss her?” Jack interrupts my thoughts. “Your mother?”

Caught off guard, I blink, considering his question for a bit. The way he asked me seemed weighty, as if my answer’s very important to him. “Yes,” I finally say. “But not in a way I’d miss someone I fully remembered. I miss what I imagine my life would be like with her in it. I miss the few moments I do remember with her. I yearn to fill the hole she left—the one where I don’t know exactly what’s supposed to be there, but I know it’s there…” I shrug. “If that makes any sense.”

“It makes perfect sense.” He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “And I’m truly sorry.”

“Thank you.”

Finally, he points to the bags and says, “Do you want to eat?”

“That sounds great.”

He picks up the takeout and brings it to the patio doors. He nods outside. “Shall we?”

“Definitely.” I stand. “I think I’ve earned a fantastic view.”

“I agree, blue ribbon winner.”

There’s the perfect breeze as I step outside. I walk to the railing, but when Jack doesn’t join me, I turn around to see him standing behind me holding the food. He still looks a little shaken up.

Trying to distract him, I tap my hand on the rail, and a decorative knob comes loose. As I push it back in place, I say, “You’re missing out.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He sets the takeout bags down on a chair and joins me.

Together, we peer out at the sky as sunset is settling in. Above the all-glass skyrises of Buckhead is a gold and tangerine sky, thin clouds scattering ivory through the bright colors. I glance at Jack to see him smiling, a welcome sight after everything that just happened. He says, “It’s a bit magical, isn’t it?”

“It is.”

I meet his gaze, and our smiles fade. I wish he wasn’t quite so beautiful, because I think I’m fine, that I’m in control, then I see that smile of his, and my brain fogs. It’s impossible to stay professional when my body betrays me, the jittery knees and tingling skin.

Hudson never had this effect on me, as I’ve just been reminded. I tried to distance myself from Jack by hugging Hudson, but it did the opposite. Jack does things to me—things no one has ever done—and I stare at my hands, trying to will them to stop shivering. I’m a little cold, but there’s more to it than that. “So, what made you decide to become a chef?” I ask, trying to force my brain to cooperate.

He inhales. “Hmm. I think it was a combination of things. Knowing everything Pops taught me. Realizing I was decent at it. I think bigger than that, it was just the feeling I get when I cook.”

“Like life becomes simple, good.”

“Yeah.” Something lights up in his eyes. “Exactly.”

I’m pretty sure he glances down to my lips, and here we are again. My stomach tumbles at the thought of kissing Jack, gorgeous Jack. My mind feels like it’s being held hostage, my eyes glued to his. Here he is, so kind, so calm on the surface. But underneath, a storm roars behind those dark and shuttered eyes.

Dreams that haunt him.

Jack blinks, breaking the spell. “Tell me something random about yourself, Cole.”

“Random, huh.” I put a finger to my chin. “I like rap music.”

“No way.”

“Way.”

“You won’t believe this, but I rap.” His brow quirks up.

I shoot him a skeptical look. “You’re kidding.”

“Yeah, I am.” He studies me before a smile spreads across his face. “But I do rap when I karaoke.”

Cracking up, I say, “I don’t, but I could. And I totally should. My family is musical, and I’m not, so if I bust in with a good rap, that’ll show ‘em.”

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