Page 9 of Finding Yesterday

“But it’s so much fun! Right, Dylan?” I elbow him.

“Yummy!”

Emma rubs Dylan’s shoulder. “Honey, you can have two more bites of that, but then you need to get dressed for school, okay?” Her voice is frazzled.

When Dylan runs off, I say, “I can pick up Dylan from school if you want. Then he doesn’t have to go to after-school care.”

“That’s okay, thanks.” Her tone is even but her eyes are round. “I don’t want to put you out. You should rest.”

“No, really, it actually helps me to be with him. We laugh and have fun.” I tilt my head pleadingly. “I promise, I’ll only feed him healthy food.”

“That’s nice of you.” Emma smiles. “But actually, Dylan loves after-school care. He gets all his energy out playing with friends, and he doesn’t do well if he gets off schedule.”

My shoulders sag. What she says makes sense, but I can’t help but wonder if my brother, Nate, would get the same answer. Emma would probably let Nate take Dylan, schedule be damned, thinking Nate would give Dylan guitar lessons and do things Emma sees as enriching.

But of course, I’m not Nate, I’m Claire. When I’m with Dylan, we cook, laugh, and play games which is, apparently, not enriching enough.

“Claire,” Emma says, rubbing her hands together. She’s got that look in her eyes, the one that tells me a speech is coming.

I groan. “What?”

She purses her lips. “I know you’ve needed time and space to grieve, and I’ve tried to give you that. And you can have more if you need it. But you should also start thinking about the future.”

“I have a plan.” I take a big bite of Magic Marshmallows, annoying Emma as I chew and swallow before I continue speaking. “I’m going to take the Tangz money and open up my own restaurant.”

“Claire,” Emma repeats, exasperated.

“Oh, like I don’t have the experience for it?” I raise my voice.

“Shh.” Emma glances down the hall where Dylan is. Sure enough, he’s standing there, his shirt halfway on, his arm poking out of the neck hole instead of the sleeve.

“Mommy, it won’t go on,” he says, and Emma rushes up and lifts his Spider-Man shirt off. After she fixes it, she makes a few clicks on her phone. “I’m going to let you watch a Batman video right now, but only if you go to your room and sit very quietly, okay?”

Dylan jumps up and down, then puffs out his chest when he says, “It’s not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me.” Then he snatches the phone from Emma before running off.

Wow, that was a kid-disappearing magic trick.

Emma turns and approaches me, impatience written all over her face. “Starting your own place sounds good, but you only have half of the money you need to do that. You should start working on a business plan so you can reach out to investors.”

“See, I know that. Which is why I was going to live here, work on a plan, and save money.”

“Save money from where?” She studies me. “Are you getting a job?”

“Yes?” I say, more as a question. “Maybe I should try and get a teaching position. Get back into history for a while.”

“Honey, you kinda sound all over the place.” She rubs her brow before coming and putting a hand on my shoulder. “You’re a dreamer, which is what I love about you, and you do amazing things when you set your mind to it. But at some point, if you want to accomplish your dreams on your own, you’re going to have to dig in and learn all the parts of running a restaurant that you don’t want to do. Like maybe you should start looking for a location here in Atlanta where you can afford the lease.” Emma massages my shoulders, squeezing hard with those bony fingers of hers.

I hesitate, thinking. “I’m not sure I want to open another restaurant in Atlanta.” Being here was Hudson’s dream, not mine.

“What do you mean? You want to go back to Blue Vine?”

“I’m not sure.” I look at my cuticles out of habit. “I love Blue Vine.”

“But there’s not enough interest in a vegetarian restaurant there for you to make it work.”

“I know.” I sigh. I hate that I have to choose between what I love to do and where I love to live. “I guess I’m just confused about what I want to do.”

“Okay.” She continues the massage, this time digging in with her fingernails. “Maybe you need to experience some different things first, just until you’re sure. Why don’t you take a job at my store? I could make a position for you. We always need wine stocked.”

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