Page 85 of What Remains

“Five hundred feet above the river,” she said. “More or less.”

“Uh-huh.” Thankfully, they were at the rear of a large group of backpackers, all of whom seemed to be together and, like them, waiting for a yak caravan to make its way from the opposite side of the gorge. Yaks were a mixed bag. The nice thing about yaks was they were slow. This was also the bad thing about yaks because he had too much time to think of all the thousands of things that could go wrong. On the other hand, all those people would have to cross ahead ofthemand if no one plunged to his death?—

“You know what I think?” she said. “The wait’s the killer.”

“No, I’d say it would be that last step. You know, the one you take before your Wile E. Coyote moment.”

“Well, we have to cross if we want to get to the other side, John.”

“Wait, are you calling me a chicken?” he asked. “Me?”

“Well, if the shoe fits…” She let go of a smallbwrawk-bwrawk. “Do chickens even wear shoes?”

“Oh, ha-ha.” He studied the continual snap of seemingly trillions of multicolored prayer flags tied to the chain-link on either side of the bridge. The surface seemed sturdy, no gaps, all nicely bolted together. Although the thing did kinda bob and sway, and his mind kept jumping to the second Indiana Jones movie, which had been meh, not the best.But I’m pretty sure that’s the one where the suspension bridge snaps.Because didn’t they all? By definition? A suspension bridge was like a gun. You knew that thing was gonna go off in the third act.

“It might be awhile.” Roni touched his arm. “Can we…do you mind if we sit down for a little while? If that’s okay? I feel kind of funny all of a sudden.”

“Sure.” Concerned, he lead the way to small outcropping of rock away from the bridge. “Are you not feeling well?” he asked as they sat. “What’s wrong? Is it the altitude?”

“No.” Crossing her arms, Roni hugged herself. “I think it’s the bridge.”

“Are you worried? Look, honey, I was just joking, it’s justme?—”

“No.” Her eyes were suddenly shimmery. “It’sme. All of a sudden, I’m looking at the bridge and then I’m thinking this is like crossing from one side of my life to the next. And don’t make some crack about metaphors.”

“Me? Joke about something like that?” It had been on the tip of his tongue. “Never.”

“Liar.” Her mouth wobbled into a grin that quickly slid away. “We’ve got this time now, but we can’t travel forever. We’re not independently wealthy or anything. We need to stop movingeventually. The thing is, I don’t know where I belong or if I can go back. To the Army, I mean. They’ll take me. That much was clear when I got checked out in Ramstein.”

“Are you really just saying you don’t know if you can go home again?” He’d wondered how the Army would stage-manage that. The official word was that no one had been left behind. If Roni did return, it would have to be on the down-low. Roni might even get the same coachinghe’dgotten when he was fifteen and his name was…

Oh, by God.

“Hey?” She touched his arm. “Are you all right? You look like you just got the shock of your life.”

“Me? No.” Of course, he had, because just now the pieces to a puzzle he’d not even realized he’d been working had snapped into place. “Go on,” he said. “I’m sorry. You were talking about going back to the States and picking up the pieces.”

“Uh-huh. Thing is,” Roni said, nibbling at her lower lip, “I’m not sure I can. I don’t know if I want to go back home and stay there.”

“Whoa, whoa.” He cupped her cheek with a hand. “Honey, I think you’re taking this in leaps and bounds instead of baby steps. No one’s forcing you to do anything.” She wasn’t ready anyway; not someone who had nightmares more often than not, who needed the lights on and to be held until the shakes went away. That person just wasn’t ready. “Unless your parents are pushing you?”

“No.” Her lips moved into a wobbly smile. “I mean, they’re relieved, they’re happy, but I don’t belong at home anymore. I also don’t see, though, how I can just pick up after so long and put on that uniform again. I’m not scared,” she added, quickly. “That’s not it. After that mine, after Sarbaz…I think I can pretty much live through anything. It’s not fear.”

He could buy that. When he was fifteen, he thought he’d die, but life continued and time passed. He had learned to put that past in a box and then the box on a high shelf in a dark closet at the back of his mind.

“Everything takes time,” he said, though he wasn’t sure if he wasn’t also talking about himself.

“What about you?” she asked.

“Me, put on the uniform again? I’m out of the Army, remember? They wouldn’t have me back even if I wanted in.” Actually, he doubted that, if only because of Mac, who seemed have the power to do a great many things. Look at Driver and his men, and the secret Flowers had told him on the way to the aqueduct. As before, he wondered if Roni knew what the men had done. Perhaps, but this was not his secret to tell, and so he packed that up, too, and slotted it in that closet and turned the key.

Driver’s secret, likehispast, was a story for another day.

“Before all this started, I had plans,” he said. “I was going to build a cabin in the mountains, start up a little practice, ride horses and, you know, sit in front of a nice fire at night.”

Just like Dare.He wondered if his uncle was still alive. If, maybe, after all this time, hecouldreturn to Texas to see him. Probably not. Stan would have a cow.

Although Mac knew about his past.That crack about living a lie.Yet Mac had kept John’s secret. Was that a signal of some sort? A sly way of saying,I know who you are, I know what you’ve been and so if I come calling…

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