Page 153 of Gates of Tartarus

I walk over to the painting, this gorgeous, wild, chaotic scene which gives me such peace, and I touch the frame lightly. There is nothing in the picture that should make me happy, nothing that should make my soul feel quiet and calm, and yet. And yet.

I hear Hideo move behind me, hear him walk to the door and pause for a moment, before stepping from the silent carpet of the room onto the hard wooden floor of the gallery. And I look at the cliffs, at the coming storm, at the raging waters and the bent fields of golden wheat, and I call out softly, voice catching on his name, “Deo?”

A whiplash of hope flares out from him before he can tame it. “Kai?”

“Maybe.” I swallow, not turning, still staring at the painting in front of me. “Maybe is all I can give you.”

Happiness so bright it’s painful fills the room, not an easy happiness, something darker, edged with a frantic, feral desire, but happiness nonetheless.

“Maybe is more than enough.”

So… England

Saturday, 8 December – Kailani

The next morning is cold and sharp, air so icy it’s like knives in your lungs when you breathe, but it feels amazing on my wrecked throat. I’m sitting on the back porch, looking out over the water, when I feel Lachy come up behind me. Still a little unsure of where we are and what everything means, I can’t help but smile to myself as I feel the warmth of his lips press against the back of my neck, lingering for a long moment before he moves to sit next to me. Grinning like a schoolgirl, I peak over at him through a heavy curtain of hair and catch his eye, blushing a little at the look of adoration on his face.

“Hey, Lachybear,” I whisper quietly, reluctant to disturb the peace of the moment.

“Hey, Suge,” he says softly back, reaching a hand up to sweep my hair back from my face, then tracing down my jawline before leaning over to capture my mouth in a long, unhurried kiss. I sink into him, reveling in the feel of his warmth against me, cuddling into him and hearing him chuckle as I try to burrow under his coat.

“You’re fucking adorable,” he grins. He reaches out and grabs my hands, warming them between his two massive paws. “Your nose and cheeks are bright pink, and you look like you woke up about two seconds ago. You look so confused and ruffled and…” he stops talking to pull me into another kiss, and when we finally pull away from each other, we just sit and grin like silly fucking fools at each other.

I’m trying to figure out what to say that doesn’t start with “Get me naked” and end with “and break the headboard on the bed,” when he interrupts my train of thought.

“So… England.”

The change of subject breaks the peace of the morning, and I sigh, still leaning into him, and nod. “England.”

“I wish I could go with you, Kai.” He sounds frustrated and angry, and I can feel his muscles tense beneath my cheek.

“I know,” I say soothingly. “I know, Lach. It’s okay.”

The low rumble in his chest indicates that he doesnotagree with me. “I don’t think I could do it, Suge. I’ve tried six ways to Sunday to figure out a way I can make it work, but I think I’d be incapacitated, and would be more of a hindrance than a help.” His sigh seems to come from his soul. “I’ve been over and over it with Jonah, but we just can’t figure out a way to get me to where I need to be that quickly.”

My eyes widen slightly. “You’ve been talking it over with Jonah?” I say, somewhat surprised.

He pulls back to look into my face, then pushes me back slightly so I’m looking at him. “Of course. Is that okay?” he asks, seeming somewhat concerned.

“Yeah. Sorry. Yeah, of course it is. I guess I’m just... surprised maybe? I don’t know.”

“We were serious when we saidwe’dbe dating you, Kailani. We talked it over – a lot – while you were in the hospital. All the things we could do to make this easier – nothing’s off the table, and we said we’d kind of ‘touch base’ at night after you go to sleep. It’s the only way this is going to work, good communication. Not just between you and me, or you and Jonah, but Jonah and I need to be tracking with each other, too.”

I nod. It makes sense, but it all seems so strange to me. “Doesn’t it bother you, Lach? The me and Jonah thing?”

He frowns a little but shakes his head no. “You’re not made to stay here, on this island, all the time, Kai. And I am. At least, right now I am. And the things you do, the choices you make, leave you in situations where you could use backup. Not that you can’t handle yourself –” he holds up a hand placatingly, seeing me open my mouth to protest. “I know you can. But you need someone there to anchor you and pull you out if you get lost up there.” He taps my head gently to indicate what he means. “You need someone watching out for you not because it’s correct procedure, or because you’re partners or teammates or whatever. You need someone who cares about you, who, when the fire is burning all around and the building is about to collapse, will run back in to pull you out. And he,” Lachy jerked his head slightly towards the cabin, “he’ll do that. When I can’t.”

“But what if you learn to shield, and learn to block, and can get off the island for longer periods of time? What then?” I ask hesitantly, wondering what’s been discussed while I was unconscious.

“Oh, now. I reckon if we have a good thing going, it’s best not to disturb it, hmmm?” He smiles at me softly, then his whiskey eyes grow serious. “You have enough emotion in you that it overflows, Kai. It overflows and chokes you, and you have to wrestle it down and chain it up tight so you can breathe. But that means that you never get to just feel. It means you never just get to get lost in your own emotion. And we think that, maybe between the two of us, we’ll be able to create a space where you can come home at night and just be Kailani. Just you.” He moves a hand over my heart, then gives me a mischievous look as his hand wanders a bit lower, lighting up my cold skin, tracing a path of fire, and I catch my breath briefly, then pout as he moves his hand lower still. Trailing down my arm, he grabs my wrist lightly, turning it over and kissing it, before looking at the bracelet encircling it.

Reaching into his pocket, he pulls out a small, glossy black charm and fastens it carefully next to the star and compass already on my bracelet. I look at it in the pale morning light and smile, seeing an exquisitely carved raven.

“If you decide that other one in there is worth something, I’ll make you another charm,” he says grumpily, “though I’m not sure how to carve an asshole.”

A shout of laughter bursts out of me, and Lachy smiles ruefully at me. “He’s on the waiting list, so no charm yet, yeah?”

I shake my head. “You aren’t serious. You and Jonah are enough to keep my hands full. I don’t even know how it’s going to work with two of you.”

---