Page 22 of Gates of Tartarus

Momentarily diverted, I chime in, “That’s great news, Kavi! How are they doing?” I’ll deal with Jorge the halfwit later.

“Mother and baby are both well. Five-hour labor. Baby six pounds and something ounces. Looks like her dad, apparently.” Kavi shrugs and grabs a beer from the fridge. “Of course,” he grimaces, “my mother took the opportunity to remind me I should be settling down myself and saying that a friend of a friend had a daughter in London.”

At the thought of Kavi with another woman, a sharp stab of jealousy pierces me.

Jorge lets out an exclamation, grabbing at the pan. “Ay!”

“You OK there?” Kavi looks over curiously.

“Sí, sí,” Jorge says hastily. “Pan slipped.” He opens the oven and puts the peppers in. “Do you want to take over the mushrooms from Maela?”

“Can do.” Kavi sets his beer down.

“I can finish them,” I protest.

“Kavi will do them. You go sit down and relax. I have beeninsensible.” Jorge gives me a kindly smile and thenruffles my hair, like I’m a puppy or a small child.

I part my lips but stand mute, uncertain whether I should argue or gracefully acquiesce. Am I over-reacting?

“Hail, hail, the gang’s all here,” Emlyn calls out behind me. “Something smells good. Oh, thanks, Jorge. Cheers, all!” Emlyn holds up his beer to us, then takes a swig. “Ah, that’s better. Seef and I have been discussing the best approach to take with Elizabeth Cole. She’s quite a formidable woman.”

At the reminder of the meeting, I do sit down. I’m not sure how I feel about opening up to a stranger. It’s bad enough with Seef, and I already feel enough of a freak show as is. But if learning about the compound will help me refine my ability, then I’m going to have to woman up, aren’t I? The conversation flows around me as my thoughts whirl like dry leaves in a puff of wind. Jorge, Kavi, Emlyn, Seef. Babylon, Magda, Tennireef. Feelings, far-seeing, and formulas. Too many variables. And the one constant is that I don’t know whether I’m coming or going.

Bad Guys and Loose Ends

Monday, 5 November – Kailani

“Well maybe it would help things if you didn’t call herPrincessall the time, Seef.” Maddox’s face is creased with frustration and amusement as he walks into the room, eyes widening in surprise as he sees me sitting alone at the table, papers and file folders spread out around me. He looks at me, then at his watch, then back at me with a raised eyebrow. “Yes, I’m still here, Seef… Yes, if it’s endearing and sweet, man, but not if you’re being sarcastic… Youare… Ha!” Maddox barks out a laugh, forcing me to smile as a wave of amusement washes over me. The station is empty this early in the morning, and I usually use the opportunity to lower my shields slightly and relax a bit before more people arrive. “Youarean aggravating pillock… I’ll bet she did.Iwould have. You can be a real ass… Well, if she’s charming Emlyn that’s not all bad, right? The man needs some…” He snorts and shakes his head. “I’m at the station… Yeah… Ours is fine.” I roll my eyes at him, and he grins. “She’s a handful, but otherwise okay. We’ll look into the problem with Tennireef, but that means contacting CDS. So no promises.” He sighs, then says, “you too,” before hanging up the phone.

“What’s up, Reed?” he asks. “It’s barely 6:00. That’s early even by your standards.”

I motion to the piles in front of me. “None of it’s making anysense!” I bite out in frustration. After my talk with Lachy on Saturday, I’d been a quiet mess the rest of the day. When I got back to the small cabin after our very awkward breakfast, Gemma had taken one look at my face, sent Hook home, and grabbed a couple of pints of ice cream. She turned on an 80s movies marathon, piled blankets on me, and cuddled up beside me without saying a word. She valiantly ignored the tears pouring down my face during “Some Kind of Wonderful”, just silently passed me a box of Kleenex.

At the end of the night, when I heaved myself up to go to bed, she’d turned to me and held up a hand.

“I’ll only ask once, I promise. But that guy’s been in love with you since the day you met him. Are you sure...?”

I nodded tiredly. “I don’t know how to give him what he needs, Gemm. And I don’t know if… I can’t try it and have it not work out. And I can’t see how it would work out. I’m...me.” My throat closed, and I swallowed convulsively, trying to push back the sting of tears.

“Good things can happen to you, Kai. They really can,” she said, on the edge of tears herself.

“Good thingshavehappened to me, Gemms. I have you; I have Lachy; I have Deo. That’s a lot more than most people. I can’t imagine what my life would be if you weren’t in it. I don’t know if I could go back to that place again. I can’t… I can’t risk it…”

Gemma’s face collapsed a little, and she hugged me tightly. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled against me, and I hugged her back just as tight before falling into a deep, exhausting sleep.

Sunday morning, I woke up before the sun, when the air was still sharp enough that it hurt to breathe. I went for a long run, returning before the lights went on in Lachy’s dark cabin, and then went straight into work. It was the second Sunday I’d missed with Lachy recently, and it felt like the slow decline of our friendship had already started, making me unutterably sad. I was so lost in my own feelings I ignored the fact that Lachy had been waiting for me the last time and probably had waited for me this time as well.

Instead of thinking of it all, I buried myself in work and returned home after midnight Sunday night. Gemma had fallen asleep on the couch waiting for me, and I moved her to her room, so she’d know I’d gotten back safely, but left this morning before she or Lachy had woken up.

By the time Maddox arrived in the conference room, I’d been working for an hour and was four cups of very bitter coffee deep.

“This whole case… it’s just bullshit and loose ends.”

Maddox looks at me carefully. “You okay, Kai?” he asks, and I frown.

“I’m fine,” I bite out. “I’m just frustrated with… with...this!” Grabbing the stack of papers in front of me, I wave them angrily. “Bullshit, bullshit,bullshit!”

Maddox sits down quietly beside me and starts restacking papers. “Okay. Well, let’s see what we have and what you’re looking at.” He stares at the piles in front of him and adds, firmly but with an unexpected level of understanding, “You know we’ve been working on this for years at this point, Kai, right? It takes time.”

---