Page 61 of Gates of Tartarus

“Sorry, what?” I ask, Jonah laughing quietly behind me.

Maddox tilts his head curiously, a funny, birdlike movement that is strange on his massive body. “I said ‘is there anyone else or anything else we have to worry about?’ Is there any chance…” He pauses, and I roll my eyes.

“Just ask what you want to ask, Smith.”

“Your parents. Your birth parents. Is there anything there? Do we need to anticipate anything on that front?”

“If the press can find them, they’re better investigators than Deo and me,” I say shortly. “We’ve tried. No luck. They went completely off the grid.”

Maddox nods. “Okay. Any exes?”

“Only Daniels, and he’s on the department’s payroll, which has an NDA for interpersonal relationships. So unless he quits or is willing to risk censure... weshouldbe safe.”

“No others?” he asks, trying to keep the incredulity from his voice.

I shift uncomfortably in my seat. “Ah… the… um… my thing... I don’t... no.” I wave my hand vaguely around my head, and he nods shortly.

“Friends?”

I laugh. “Gemma, Lachy, Deo. None of whom would talk in any way.”

“I mean yourotherfriends. Like work friends or from school or anything. Who should we talk to?”

“Ahhhh… I mean…” Suddenly I’m really embarrassed. It’s unnerving and belittling having your life picked apart and to find it lacking. “I… I don’t… There’s no one...”

Jonah pipes up behind me. “They should interview me! I’ll tell them all the good stuff. She’s a caffeine addict! If she doesn’t get meditation time daily, she’s a beast! She’s allergic to hazelnuts! She snores like an elephant!”

Maddox’s and Walker’s heads jerk up in unison at the last one. “What?” says Walker, voice low and almost dangerous.

“What what?” asks Jonah, completely perplexed.

“Shesnores?” he repeats quietly, a knife edge to his tone. “How the fuck would you know that?”

Rather than being intimidated, Jonah starts laughing, deep laughter, from his soul. It’s the sort of emotion that covers me, crashing down on me, like standing under a waterfall of amusement. Any emotion that deep is like a drug in my veins, racing through my blood with lightning speed, pushing out the electric sparks of mirth through my body with startling speed.

“Ooooooh, my man!” he barely gets out, voice bubbling with glee. “Ohhhh man!” Jonah can’t continue, head thrown back with laughter, and it’s so pure I can’t help but join in, unsure of what the joke is but swept away by Jonah’s merriment.

“Why areyoulaughing?” Walker asks me suspiciously, and I shake my head, pointing at Jonah.

“I don’t know!” I reply. “He’s just…” Trying something new, Itakea little of the feelings swirling about me andpushthem out towards Smith and Donovan. I can tell the moment it hits – both of their mouths curl up at the corners, the tension of their set jaws draining away.

“You were kidding,” Walker says to Jonah, voice reluctant.

“I was,” Jonah confirms, still laughing, and the three men exchange long, confusing looks.

“Christ,” Maddox mumbles. “This day. Let’s wrap it up, yeah?”

Still laughing, we gather our things and head home.

Once Upon a Dream

Wednesday, 14 November – Maela

Ialmost can’t meet Kavi’s and Jorge’s eyes at breakfast the next morning. I feel simultaneously elated and abashed, as if I’ve somehow broken an unspoken trust. Emlyn kissed me. Emlyn kissed me, and I kissed him. And it was wonderful, and now I don’t know what to think, especially when my heart gives a little leap to see Kavi and Jorge sitting at the kitchen table, laughing and chatting. How can I go from kissing one guy to sighing after two others? Emlyn’s been called early into the office again, which makes me a little relieved, as I have too many emotions swirling around inside.

Of course, my concentration is almost shot for my yoga class. As luck would have it, today we’re working on the heart chakra, which I really don’t think needs any more stimulation, but it can’t be helped. I mean, all evidence would suggest my heart chakra is wide open, seeing as how I’m attracted to three wonderful men and one gigantic arse simultaneously. Kavi, though, thinks I need to focus on self-love and compassion after my recent abduction, so we do a heart-opening flow, which leaves me gasping, and then a simple meditation. At least, it’s supposed to be a simple meditation. All I have to do is focus on my breath and visualize drawing green energy up from the base of my spine to the center of my chest, seeing the ball of energy grow and radiate through my body along with love for self and others. All I do is relive the kiss with Emlyn. And then fret about that brief kiss with Jorge, all those weeks ago. And think about kissing Kavi. Kavi, who… I sneak a peek… is looking so serene and utterly desirable, laughter lines around his eyes, lines that I’m aching to trace with my lips; those incongruous shell-like ears; the full beard which I know would tickle my neck. I sigh: it’s all very confusing. Kavi opens his eyes and smiles at me, and my heart gives a little leap, and I color and stammer that maybe we should continue with our reading.

I’m really no farther forward on the whole subject of precognition when it comes time for my workout with Seef, but at least puzzling over it keeps my mind off the guys and my aching muscles, if only for a little while. The closer the session with Emlyn looms, the more impatient and anxious I get. No amount of cramping, or confusion over the time-space continuum, is going to cut through the noise in my head. What did Emlyn think of our kiss? Is he glad, or does he regret it? And how did I rate? I mean, his old girlfriend was a selfish cow, but she clearly had some kind of magic mojo going on in the bedroom; otherwise, he wouldn’t have kept dating her, right? So why did he kiss me? Does he… like me?OK, Maela, I think to myself as Seef and I make our way to Emlyn’s office,you’ve got this. You are calm. You are cool. You are collected. You are a kick-ass secret agent. You are…blushing. Shite! I can feel it, a wave of flaming red rushing up from my toes. And not blush red.Redred. OK, deep breath.Calm, calm. Must be calm. Damn, the carpet is interesting. Check out the weave. It’s so... so bobbly. I sit down, making a fuss of my bag, while Seef and Emlyn talk. But I can’t resist peeping up… to see Emlyn catching my eye and giving me a little half-smile that makes my toes curl.Oh! I bite my lip, and I blush a bit more, only we can’t talk, not with Seef in the room. And now I’ve got to do my thing, and how I’m going to concentrate I do not know, but it seems that Kavi’s heart-opening sequence has had an effect, because I actually link with Tennireef fairly quickly. He’s only doing paperwork on – I sidle around and glance down – Bill 2018.30.1.a, section 45, clause 2, “regarding the allocation of funds for highway maintenance and bridges”, but I feel cheered. Magda’s easier; it’s as if my mind recognizes her “signature”, and the soft blackness rolls back to reveal a wicker table and chairs on a spacious balcony, with a view of white sands and turquoise waters in the distance. Still in the Caribbean, then. Now, if only I’d taken up the chance of a spring break there in senior year, instead of concentrating on my exams, I might have been able to identify the place. Serves me right for being a swot, I reflect ruefully.

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