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I should be repulsed by their touch, by the way that they’ve taken me, and kept me trapped here, but I can’t.

All I feel is confusion, a tangled mess of emotions that I can’t make sense of.

I still have no idea how this all happened.

When did the lines blur?

When did I stop hating them?

When did I stop resisting?

I used to dream of my family—Papa and Dario—coming here, saving me.

And now…

I swallow hard, a whimper escaping my lips.

Now, all I think about is curling up into Nikolai and Mikhail, allowing them to hold me, to touch me, and to reassure me.

I want to hear their words, and I want them to tell me that everything will be okay. I want them to show me how they’ll keep me safe, keep me protected from everything else around me.

But it’s never going to happen.

I won’t allow myself to forget who they are.

I won’t allow myself to forget what they have done.

They’re dangerous men who have taken me.

I shouldn’t feel safe with them, but when they're here, it’s like everything becomes quieter.

I don’t understand how it happened.

When did I begin to crave their presence?

Their touch?

How is it that something so twisted is now starting to feel so right?

I should be terrified of them; terrified of what they’ve done, and what they can do.

But I’m not.

I’m lost.

I’m stuck between two versions of myself; one who wants to fight, to escape, and to be free, and the other who wants to stay, to trust them, and to let them take care of me.

I release a shaky breath.

How did I get here?

How did I allow them to get inside my head so easily?

Maybe it's the loneliness.

Maybe it's the isolation.

Or maybe…just maybe…it’s something deeper than that.

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