Page 31 of The Bookshop Ladies

‘You’re right, I know deep down that you are, but Kian has just always been there… you know, when I had no one else to talk to… I could talk to Kian and I suppose…’

‘He was like a brother?’ Joy already knew that Robyn and her stepbrothers were not close.

‘In the beginning,’ Robyn stopped. ‘Actually, even in the beginning, I think I knew I was falling in love with him. How pathetic is that?’

‘It’s not pathetic at all. But…’ Joy thought for a moment, ‘you know, it was a long time ago, perhaps she has changed?’

‘Oh, Joy, people like Imogene don’t change.’

‘We all change, Robyn, even if we don’t want to, but if we get lucky enough, we can decide exactly how we want to change,’ Joy said lightly.

‘That’s easy for you to say…’ Robyn shook her head.

‘Why so?’

‘Well, here you are, all elegant and cosmopolitan – even when you shrug your shoulders, it seems like you’re able to let the world rinse off your back. I couldn’t be like that if I tried, the fact is…’ she stopped, pursed her lips together, ‘I’m afraid of everything going the same way as it did back then…’

‘That’s why,’ Joy hesitated, fearing she might say too much. ‘It probably hurts even more than for anyone else.’

‘I don’t know.’ Robyn sighed. ‘I wish I could change. I wish I could just not give a damn about Imogene and…’ she stopped. ‘I wish I could fall out of love with Kian…’

‘Maybe you need to fall into love with someone else.’

‘Oh God, Margot must be up there rubbing her hands together with that one, it’s exactly like something she would have said.’ Robyn was laughing now.

‘It’s different when you’re twenty-five, compared to when you’re thirty-five. Affairs are meant to make you feel good, they should add to your joy. Later, when you’re older, being content is more about knowing that even if you never fall in love again, you are okay with that.’

‘That’s as clear as mud.’

‘I’m sorry, I know, it’s hard to grasp but…’ Joy put her hands up in surrender. ‘I don’t think I can explain it any better for now.’ She sipped her tea, but really, what she wanted to say was that Robyn needed to fall in love with herself, more than she needed anything else, and certainly more than she needed Kian Lawson. Even Joy knew that was too American for this moment.

*

‘I’ll just have theIndependent,’ Leo Keeling said when he arrived after having closed up the bakery for the day. ‘No Robyn today?’ he said, looking around the shop as if she might appear from behind the display of vintage maps Joy had been sorting through.

‘Yes, she’s around.’ Joy rang up his newspaper and handed him his change. ‘Would you like me to tell her you were looking for her?’

‘No, God no, it was just…’

‘Small talk?’ Joy said and she realised she was smirking at him. It was hard not to make fun of him. Too many local middle-aged women were already fawning all over him.

‘My father, he’s…’ Leo stopped. ‘Very taken with you.’

‘I’m very taken with him.’

‘But it’s just…’ his forehead creased as if having to actually say what he needed to say might be causing him no small amount of pain.

‘It’s just?’ God, did he actually think that she had romantic designs on his old man? No doubt, Albie was worth a few euros. He owned that huge property with the bakery and the flats overhead, but there was nothing between them. For one thing, he was old enough to be her father. For another, a blind man could see he was still in love with the wife he had lost years ago and she… well, Joy wasn’t sure what she felt for Yves any more, but she certainly was not anywhere near being over him.

In spite of the hurt and the anger, she was still mourning him. She still loved him, even if he had betrayed her in the most unforgivable fashion. Just thinking about him brought a stab of grief to her heart.

‘As you say, life is good, we are very taken with each other.’ Then she smiled sweetly, turned on her heel and walked to the door of the shop. Let him think she had designs on his father, what did it matter to her? She would be going back to Paris after Robyn learned the truth about the painting and exactly who she was, anyway. She just hoped she could help to save the bookshop from bankruptcy first.

‘Lunch?’ Robyn said half an hour later, when she arrived back with a round of sandwiches.

‘That sounds perfect,’ Joy said and pulled her laptop up from under the counter. ‘And while we eat, we are going to throw ourselves into this plan; it will do you good to have something to think about.’

And, Joy thought later, it did her some good also. They lost almost four hours, talking about the ideas outlined on the spreadsheet.

---