Page 50 of The Women at Ocean's End

‘Are you all right? Come on, it’s time to go back in.’ Constance began to pull on her arm.

‘Oh, Holy Mary, is it time for the rosary already?’ Eddie was mocking Constance now.

‘I’m not Mary and we’re going back inside now.’ She looked meaningfully at Dotty.

‘You go, I’ll be back in a minute,’ Dotty said. Drinking with Eddie made her feel reckless, alive in a way she’d kept tightly wrapped up for years.

‘Yeah, that’s it, you go back to the prissy party, Mary,’ Eddie jeered.

‘Don’t be like that, she’s my friend,’ Dotty said, but she sipped from the bottle once more, slowly this time, feeling a delightful warm infusion send comforting waves along her spine.

‘I’m not leaving you here…’ Constance said.

‘Oh go on, I’m fine, I’ll be back in five minutes, just go,’ Dotty said then, in that way she had to let Constance know that no amount of coaxing was going to get her anywhere on this. It had been like this all summer long, both of them heading in opposite directions and now, it seemed, they stood on a precipice of sorts. Still close, they’d always be close, but each choosing roads to take them on different paths.

‘Fine,’ Constance said and she turned and walked slowly back towards the dance hall. Dotty slipped into the passenger side of Eddie’s car and settled down to have some more of the whiskey before any of the other boys he hung around with showed up to help them polish it off.

33

Constance

It’s strange how memories could flood you at any time so you almost felt as if you were drowning. Except Constance knew the past was so long ago now, the worst it could do was taunt her with memories from so far away they might have happened to someone else entirely. She would not drown in them at this stage in her life. And yet, they could absorb her, snatching the present moment away so she had to reach out from behind them to catch up.

‘Constance, are you okay?’ Heather was looking at her strangely. ‘You’ve hardly touched your breakfast?’

‘I…’ She looked down at the plate before her. ‘My appetite seems to have vanished these last few days, I’m not sure why that is…’ She smiled. If she’d been here alone, would she even have noticed? She wasn’t sure, oh, but what a lovely thing to have someone close by who cared. ‘I’m sure it’s nothing.’ She batted her hand. ‘And anyway, Mr Crow out there won’t be sorry if I pop extra crusts on the bird table.’

‘I thought you were getting the sun but…’ Ros was looking at her also now.

‘That’s it, of course, who has a big appetite when summer comes? It’s salad weather…’ Constance said. ‘I’m never ravenous in summer time, not like when it’s cold outside and you need food to warm you up.’

‘Doyouthink she looks a little jaundiced?’ Ros turned to Heather now and there was no missing the concern in their expressions.

‘No, it’s just the sun, probably just the sun,’ Heather said, but for the next few days, Constance felt their gazes upon her in odd moments. Sometimes, she tried to force an extra forkful of food into her mouth to convince them that she was fine. And she was fine. Oh, there were niggling pains and aches, of course there were – but she’d made it this far without a replacement joint and with most of her teeth. A few twinges, backache, stomach ache and nausea were surely par for the course.

It was a few days later that she caught sight of her reflection in the hall mirror. It stopped her in her tracks. She had lost weight. A lot of weight. When had that happened? She’d never been one to think of her figure. She’d never owned weighing scales, not even in the kitchen. Her whole life had been measured out in cups and handfuls – never had she thought of anything in ounces, pounds or stones.

When Constance looked out to see the district nurse on her doorstep the following day, the first thought that crossed her mind was that Ros must have asked her to pop by.

A little part of her wanted to be cross but, the truth was, it was far too long since anyone had been close enough to her to care about her and so, instead, she just felt lucky that she had two people in her life who wanted to make sure she was well. She welcomed the nurse over the threshold as if she was an old friend. She had nothing to hide. She was perfectly healthy, wasn’t she?

‘No, no, nothing out of the ordinary,’ Avril Duignan said cheerily. She was new to the job, had taken over only a few months earlier from Sheila Deere, a sourpuss of a woman who thought elastic bandages were the answer to every problem. This young woman was a breath of fresh air by comparison. Shearrived in smart exercise pants and didn’t come loaded down with a big medical bag. Instead, she sat and drank tea and chatted as if she had all day to listen to you. The last time she was here, instead of bandaging Constance wherever she could, she’d given her a head massage and honestly, by the time she’d left, Constance had felt as if a weight had been lifted that she hadn’t realised she’d been carrying.

While on the one hand she couldn’t help liking her, at the same time you never knew with district nurses. There was always that chance that one slip and they’d have you booked into the nearest nursing home so they had one less call on their list.

‘So, how have things been? I must say, the garden looks wonderful.’ Avril stood at the kitchen window looking out while Constance switched on the kettle. It was another thing Constance liked about this new nurse: Avril didn’t take over. She waited to have a cup of tea put in front of her. It didn’t seem to matter if it took a while and she didn’t care if it was strong or weak, hot or lukewarm, she was just happy to sit and listen and sip her tea.

‘I’ve had a friend staying over, so we’re going through some of my mother’s old papers and, of course, Ros comes over regularly. She’s taken on the garden as if she’s got a personal vendetta against the briars and the moss.’

‘It certainly looks a lot less hazardous for walking to the end. I see you’ve still got the bird table going.’

‘Yes, well, the way I see it, they’re used to being fed here. Why on earth would I just stop because the sun is shining?’ Constance replied easily, but the fact was, the birds in the garden had been her only company for too long to just abandon them now.

‘It’s good to have things you enjoy, we all need that.’

‘Yes, well, I do wonder about Ros…’

‘Maybe she just loves gardening. I don’t think there’s much of a patch up around that old cottage that she lives in, is there?’

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