Page 51 of The Women at Ocean's End

‘She won’t be there for much longer, I’m afraid.’

‘Oh, no, she’s not leaving the island, is she?’ It was the big fear; people here held onto each other as tightly as they could. News of a new baby on the way was greeted with far more enthusiasm than it warranted in other places. It went back to the 1940s. At that stage, people left the island in droves. They were dark times, apparently. For a while, the population went down to less than a hundred. It had taken a lot of work and pestering of the mainland politicians to get schools reopened, a nurse stationed here and even a phone mast erected at the top of Pin Hill Mountain.

‘She’s going to have to take up a job over with the Parks and Wildlife Service on the mainland. I’m afraid she’ll be leaving in a matter of weeks.’

‘That’s a shame, I’m really sorry to hear it. She’s such a part of the place, you know, it’s funny how some people seem as if they’ve been here forever.’

‘I think she feels that way too. She doesn’t really want to go, I mean, she’s putting a brave face on things, but I can tell…’ Constance said sadly.

They chatted for a while about the comings and goings on the island. The little coffee shop next to the church which had been closed since old Jackie McHale passed away two years ago was getting a facelift. Rumour had it that Jackie’s granddaughter was coming back to the island to try and make a go of the place all year round.

‘Which will be fantastic,’ said Avril. ‘Really, I mean, it’ll be lovely to be able to drop by and sit for a while. They plan to do lots of fancy coffees and homemade pastries.’

‘That’s good, the island needs it,’ Constance said because every new venture was welcomed as heartily as a new baby. ‘She’ll do a roaring trade with the community centre crowd, Jay told her that there was something on in the big hall every other day ofthe week, yoga and women’s groups and art classes and all sorts. ‘It’ll be great for bringing people together, even the men, with their men’s shed – whatever they get up to there!’ Although Jay explained it was organised to get older men out and meeting people, they whittled wood and played cards or draughts and probably gave out about their wives.

‘I think some mysteries are better left unsolved,’ Avril said. She was lovely company, light and funny, and they chatted away happily for another while and then she looked at Constance and smiled. ‘Listen to me, I’d talk for Ireland. How have you been, apart from having your garden done over so wonderfully?’

‘I’ve been great, actually…’ Constance really had enjoyed the last few weeks. She told Avril about Heather and Ros and the fact that in spite of losing her best friend from childhood, it felt as if Dotty had sent two more her way to make up for the loss.

‘It can take a bit out of you, all the same though, can’t it? Losing someone like that, it knocks you sideways whether you know it or not,’ Avril said wisely. And maybe it was the depth of kindness that seemed to emanate from the woman, or just the fact that it felt like such a long time since Constance actually thought about how she was, or maybe it was that overhanging feeling of guilt that seemed to come up in her more often these days, but Constance began to sob. Huge big shaking sobs that emptied her of tears and made her feel as if her whole core was falling down to the floor in spite of her.

‘Ah now, there, there…’ Avril said, wrapping her arms around Constance’s shoulders. ‘It’s funny how even the smallest of words can open up the biggest of craters,’ she said softly, ‘but better out than in, isn’t that what they say, no good carrying your worries around the place, then you really will be needing a nurse.’ She was making a joke and Constance was thankful for it.

‘The truth is…’ Constance began to say. ‘On top of all that, there have been aches and pains and I’ve noticed that…’

‘Aches and pains aren’t always such a bad thing,’ Avril said softly.

‘No, no, I expect they are par for the course once you get to my age, but…’ Then it spilled out of her, the fact that she knew she’d lost weight, she had no idea how much, but once she’d spotted it in the mirror that day, she started to see it clearly at odd times, noticing how spindly her shins had become, how papery thin her hands suddenly were, and then she’d realised that even sitting in her favourite chair was no longer comfortable because it felt as if it bruised against her bones. ‘That can’t be in my imagination, can it?’

‘Of course it’s not. Let’s see.’ Avril went to her car, brought in her weighing scales and helped Constance up to see if there was anything to worry about.

‘You’re very light. I mean, you’re at the stage where I’d almost be thinking…’

‘It’s not that I don’t eat well, I have a healthy appetite and I cook all my own meals and…’ Constance paused, realizing perhaps she didn’t need to make excuses around her independence for Avril. ‘Perhaps I could take Complan or some of those energy drinks you see advertised on the television these days?’

‘Well, I think we can find something more palatable than that.’ Avril smiled. ‘But we’re going to have to look a little deeper here. We can take some bloods, get them run through. They won’t tell what’s wrong, necessarily, but they’ll tell us if something isn’t right, how would that do you for now?’

‘When will we know?’

‘I can get them to the mainland this evening, but it’ll take a few days for the lab to check them and then get the results back.’

‘Would it show if it was something…?’ Constance hated how her voice sounded so thin and frightened. ‘Serious?’

‘Now, listen to me, Constance Macken – you are in great health, you’ve lived a good life. If there’s something amiss, getting checked is the most important thing you can do. Would you consider a full check-up if I booked it?’

‘In a hospital?’ That knocked her for six.

‘Don’t worry, it’s just a precaution, you haven’t properly been checked over in years. I mean, apart from blood pressure and the occasional visit to the GP when he holds a surgery on the island, when was the last time you had a good checking over?’

‘Oh dear, between ourselves, I haven’t been to the GP in years, and as to being checked over,’ she rolled her eyes to heaven, ‘I’ve been lucky to be healthy enough not to warrant it.’

‘Well, I think there’s your answer. This is probably something of nothing, but you need to get properly checked out. I’m going to make a call, see if we can’t get you booked in for a full MOT. You won’t know yourself at the end of it, it’ll be like a little holiday for you.’

It was no good putting it off; Constance had a feeling that even if she dug her heels in and refused to go, between Avril, Heather and Ros, she’d be coaxed into it anyway.

‘You know,’ Avril said later as she tidied away everything, ‘this is just a thought, but you could ask Ros if she’d like to be your carer.’

‘My carer? But I don’t need a carer; I couldn’t possibly…’

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