Page 58 of The Women at Ocean's End

‘It feels weird, in a sort of I-can’t-believe-Philip-is-a-father way. I mean, I can’t help wondering how he feels now and imagining his life spooling further away from mine than I’d ever really played out in my mind when we were going for the divorce. But at the same time… I have no regrets about it.’

‘Charlotte sounds like an absolute cow, if you don’t mind me saying so.’ Ros made a face.

‘She really is, but it doesn’t matter, it’s nothing to do with me any more.’

‘Well you did the right thing, cutting it out straight off, better for everyone in the long run,’ Constance said.

‘I suppose, the only thing is, it makes me wonder about where my future is going to fit into the world and what it’s going to look like,’ Heather said and that was the truth of it. That was exactly how she felt right now. A week ago, she thought she’d stay here with Constance indefinitely, certainly she’d had no intention of booking a flight back to London. But now, Constance wouldn’t be here any more, and Ros might be leaving too – what was left for her?

‘You don’t want to go back to London, do you?’ Ros asked.

‘I mean, it’s where I’ve always lived, I’m not sure I’d know how to live anywhere else.’

‘Well, I don’t think that’s right,’ Constance said and she put her cup down deliberately on the table. ‘I mean, you seem to be happy here, living here, working on the books and walking the beach and…’ She reached across the table. ‘You know, you’re welcome to stay for as long as you want?’

‘I know that, thank you, Constance, but I can’t stay on holidays for the rest of my days…’

‘So, why have it as a holiday? Lots of people go to other countries and then retire there, you hear about them all the time – that couple we were watching the other night on TV, Constance, remember, in their castle in France, they just sold up everything and moved. You could do that… if you wanted to?’ Ros said.

‘I’m not sure I’d be up for buying a chateau.’ Heather smiled. It was absurd; she couldn’t just stay here on her own.

‘I’m being serious. You could buy a house here, open a flower shop or any sort of shop you wanted. I mean, if you have enough money to get started, why not?’

‘You are actually serious? But what would I do…’ It was fairly obvious that there was no great market here for fresh flowers or for much of anything else that wasn’t already being catered to.

‘You could work on the Maggie Macken Foundation,’ Constance said and her cheeks reddened as if it had taken a lot of courage to say it.

‘Oh, Constance, what I’m doing for you with the books isn’t so I’ll have a job at the end,’ Heather said. ‘It’s because I want to help you and I loved the books – I want to make sure that other people get to enjoy them too.’

‘It doesn’t mean it couldn’t be your job, if we managed to make some money on them.’

‘You need that to fix up this place,’ Heather said quietly, except, now, it turned out that Constance wouldn’t be here to see the roof repaired or the house secured.

‘What good is this place if the whole estate is gone to pot? It needs to be properly managed, that’s just common sense.’

‘Oh, Constance, you are so sweet, but really, I can’t see how there could be enough work to keep me busy for much more than a few weeks every year.’

‘And so, what if there wasn’t? Aren’t there other things to be doing, couldn’t you sit back and take it easy for a while, walk the beach, get a dog, maybe join the local women’s group…’ Constance paused. ‘Look, I’m just saying, if you want to stay and work on the books, I can’t think of anyone else I could ask…’

‘Thank you, I’ll take that as a huge compliment, but I suspect there will be plenty who’ll want a few hours every week to help out.’ It wasn’t real of course, Heather knew that, Constance must surely know it too. They would be lucky to secure the house with whatever royalty payments were made; she couldn’t imagine the income stretching much further than that.

‘Live for today, that’s all you can do, that’s all I could do when the very worst happened in my life all those years ago,’ Constance said and Heather thought about all that Constance had lost when her husband had drowned. Of course, now, as they all sat here a little shellshocked with Constance’s terriblenews of a few days earlier, living for today resonated on the air between them in a whole new way. ‘That’s my experience, just live for today and tomorrow will look after itself.’

It was with these words ringing out in her mind that Heather slipped out a little later to get some groceries in the village. They were like a balm, giving her a relief she didn’t know she needed. When had she last just lived for the present moment? On the way back, she turned down towards the pier, intending only to sit on the wall for a while and watch the trawlers return with their catch for the day.

The pier was as busy as she’d ever seen it. Most of the boats were back for the day, moored quayside, three abreast in places. She supposed some were holiday makers, spending their leisure time on the water, making the journey across from the mainland and perhaps having lunch in the hotel and a ramble about the island for a change of scene. It would be a lovely way to spend a holiday, she imagined. Among them, she spotted Finbar’s boat. It was easily recognisable with its Mayo flag, but smaller than the other island boats. He kept it as clean as if it was just out of the yard, even though she had a feeling it was a working boat as much as any of the other larger trawlers on the sea.

‘Penny for them.’ Jake sat next to her and handed her a cup of coffee.

‘Ah, that’s really nice, thank you,’ she said, because for all the time she’d lived in London, there had never been a coffee shop that knew exactly how she liked her coffee, much less one that gifted her as many as she purchased.

‘You’re welcome. I’m closing up for the day, I was just making one for myself when I spotted you walking along the path.’ He looked at her now. ‘So, what’s up? You look as if you’re lost in thought?’

‘I suppose I am,’ she said.

‘You are what?’ Finbar said, hopping over the wall from behind and sitting on the other side of her.

‘Lost in thought,’ she said, but suddenly, she did not feel quite so alone as she had earlier.

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