Page 89 of Fighting

Mateo

My phone buzzes,and I stupidly get my hopes up. Maybe she’s had enough time to think. Or maybe she’s had too much time and she has realized how right she was to call herself “out of my league.”

“Hey, Stef. Hey, Lee,” I say, picking up their video call.

They cautiously respond in unison.

I catch a glimpse of myself in the tiny box for my camera. The defeat coursing through me is obvious even in the thumb-size image. I rub my eyes, hoping to avoid crying in front of them.

“Okay.” Stef gives a resigned sigh. “Time to rally the framily. You want to invite Liam and Christian?”

My heart squeezes. My sweet sister is coming home because, despite being older and wealthier, I’m still the fuck-up. At least I’m smart enough to know how to accept help.

“It doesn’t matter,”I say as I tear off another piece of pandesal.

Mom places a cup of black coffee on the table and sits, then dunks the sugary bread into the rich black liquid. “What do you mean,tisoy?” She asks, calling me pale like she has since I was born.

“I mean, Jim got the entire town excited about this stupid country club that nobody will be able to use, and now they’ll push the Hendrix and Kelly votes away from me.”

Remembering where I am and who I need to be, I pivot to add a silver lining. “It’s okay, though, I’ll find a place on the break of a resurgence soon. I’ll move there and start a new project. I’ll let this one go. It’s fine.”

Before I can even fully wrap my head around what I’m suggesting for myself, she levels me with a stare. “And how does your girlfriend feel about this?”

My shoulders slump. “She isn’t talking to me, and it wasn’t real anyhow.”

“Don’t be a fool,” she says and glares at me.

“I’m sorry?” I sit up straighter on instinct, her tone flashing me back to her scolds for slouching during church when I was a little kid.

Stef and Lee appear at the bottom of the stairs, clearly having come to town to participate in an intervention.

“You’re as dumb as they say if you think it wasn’t real, Matty.” Lee plops into a chair and shoves a full roll into his mouth, grinning at Stef like a chipmunk.

“I have to agree with the room, sorry,brosef,” my sister says.

Unease courses through me, making my muscles tense and my blood warm. I run my hands through my hair, at a loss for what to say. For what to do. I feel stretched too thin, everything I’ve worked for is a mess.

“Stef,” Mom says, “can you and Lee step out please?”

I blow out a long breath. Time to face the executioner.

“Mateo, I did not raise you to give up on yourself so easily,” she says, her tone firm, veering toward angry.

“We didn’t raise you to give up on your community like this. Or the person you love.”

More than anything, I want to slump to the floor and close my eyes.

“This is not how we do things. We take care of each other. Haven’t I taught you that by now?”

“Huh?” I frown. “Are we having the why didn’t you go into healthcare argument again?” I’m too tired for this.

“Do you need to use a stethoscope to help the people you love?” She hits the word love hard and heavy. That single syllable reverberates through my brain and across all my limbs. It pricks at my skin, makes my heart tick loud in my ears.

I sigh. Damn that word. I can’t argue with her, because of course I love Nessa. She’s brilliant, beautiful, strong, caring, hilarious, and so goddamn sexy. There will never be another woman like her.

“It doesn’t matter,” I say, roughing a hand over my face. “It’s too late. I failed her, I was supposed to protect her from her ex, I was supposed to protect the town from the Reynolds Group. Protect the land. And now they’ll develop it and destroy what generations have built here. I failed her, I failed us all.”

Though I can’t look at her, the heat of her glare incinerates me.

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