Page 20 of Sinful Restraint

“Are you sure she was watchin’ you like she enjoyed it?” Storm asked, breaking the silence. “’Cause Santari could have just been in shock.”

I smacked my tongue over my teeth. “Yeah, nigga. I’m sure. I know the difference between a woman in shock versus one intrigued.”

“I’m still not sure if this is a good idea,” Titan admitted, voicing how we all felt in a way. “If we give you the green light to test the waters, you gotta promise me that Santari’s comfortability and well-being willalwaysbe your priority.”

“I agree,” I told him. “She comes first. Always.”

“If at any point this doesn’t seem like what she wants, I’m pulling the plug,” Titan added, “and you’ll be the one kicked outta The Omega House, not her.”

I frowned, clutching my heart. “I’m offended that you seem to think she isn’t my main concern, because she is. I won’t push her to do anything she isn’t comfortable with, but I’m not blind either. I’m pretty damn sho’ she’s interested in all three of us. She just ain’t sure this is what she wants or how we work, so my only goal is to put the shit out there and see what happens.”

Titan nodded in a way that meant he was sort of satisfied with my answer, and sort of not.

“I hate to ask the obvious question,” Storm stated. “But what happens if she decides she wants us right now, but afterwards, resolves that we aren’t for her?”

Storm glanced to me, and I looked to Titan, while he turned to Storm, all three of us not even wanting to think about what the alternative was. Life was weird that way. One moment, you and three friends were living life on your own terms. The next, you were down a soldier and cursing the day your life got more complicated when his sister showed up at your doorstep.

Eventually, you ended up in the kitchen discussing how you’d all deal with your growing attraction to her, only because you sensed she liked you and two of your best friends, too. Men who shared a particular taste in the bedroom.

Next thing you know, you had ninety-nine problems, and she was at the center of each and every one. Fuckin’ her was the problem, but fuckin’ her could also be the cure.

But like I said, life was weird that way.

chapter eight

The end creditsrolled on the television screen, but nobody moved right away. I don’t know what made each of us stop what we were doing tonight to join Cruz in the family room while he watchedBoyz n the Hood, but here we were. All four of us silently in thought because this movie was one of Rev’s favorites.

The weight in the room wasn’t just grief, but emotion so much heavier. An unspoken sadness that stretched thinly between us like a rubber band ready to snap at any moment.

Today had been one of those missing-him-too-much-to-function kind of days, proof in the fact that we were all home on a random Friday night. Cruz wasn’t at any Club Fetish location.Titan wasn’t at Primal Resort. I wasn’t doing any admin work for the university, and Storm wasn’t preparing for any of his summer enrollment students.

I sat curled into the leather couch with my legs pulled up and my arms wrapped around them. Cruz was next to me, his broad shoulders taking up a lot of space, but his closeness made me feel all warm and cozy. His cologne was that same dark, woodsy scent that always smelled like it was laced with a hint of danger and embraced with a hug.

To my left, Storm cracked his knuckles before pushing up from the recliner. “I’m gonna make us some more popcorn.” His usually intuitive eyes seemed tired today.

“I’ll get us more drinks,” Titan muttered, his voice rough like he’d been quiet for too long as both of them headed to the kitchen, leaving me alone with Cruz.

Letting my head fall back, I released a shaky breath as the dimmed TV left only the glow from the lamp in the corner, turning everything into an intimate haze. Cruz hadn’t moved much, but I felt him watching me.

“Growing up, I used to argue with him when he got to the TV before me,” I disclosed, referring to Rev. “He used to play this movie non-stop.”

Cruz nodded. “I remember. Whenever I would go to y’all’s house to hang out, he would make me watch it. And then, had the nerve to say every damn line of every fuckin’ character in the whole movie.”

I laughed, reminding him that, “He even went as Ricky for several Halloweens in a row, and would get pissed when people didn’t know who he was supposed to be.”

“Every Halloween, I used to stop him from running down the street and pretending to get shot like Ricky did in the movie just to prove his point.” Cruz’s chuckle petered out, as his eyes grew deep and reflective.

“Do you think he was so obsessed with this movie because he knew that one day, he’d leave us before we were ready to lose him?” I asked. “That we’d have to go through life without him here, forever broken because of the loss of his presence?”

Cruz held my gaze, an array of emotions crossing his face. “You’re right.”

“That Rev was obsessed with the movie because he felt like he would be the first of us to go?”

Cruz shook his head. “Nah, not that.” Scooting closer to me on the couch, he picked up my hand and held it in his.

I thought about teasing him to break up the tension, but his expression made me pause as I understood why he was being so serious moments before he explained himself.

“Everything Rev told you about The Paradox is true. You know about my Crowne family, right?”

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