Page 5 of Sinful Restraint

Up until now, I hadn’t given them an ultimatum. But this was my way of throwing shit out there and seeing how they reacted. Especially when they assumed I would just keep asking what happened, which I would. However, I needed to play the long game when it came to my brothers’ best friends.

“When we do find out who’s responsible for Rev’s death,” Cruz stated, “trust us, Santari … we won’t ask for justice, we’ll take it.”

My eyes widened and my heart started turning inside out at his words. It wasn’t so much that he spoke of retaliation, but the way he said it. I knew Cruz, and for a man who many thoughtalways spoke out of his ass at times, only those who knew what to search for realized that you needed to read between the lines of what he said.

Cruz, Storm, and Titan would find out who did this. And when they did, the person responsible would pay.

And I needed to be here for it all.

“Oh, I almost forgot.” I dug in my bag and pulled out another set of keys. “About a mile away, there is a big, white truck parked in a spot in a public lot.” I tossed the keys to Cruz, who instantly caught them and looked to the guys.

“What are these for?” he asked.

I smiled even though I doubted it reached my eyes. “Those are the keys to the truck that has all my belongings. I’m subleasing my place and moving in with you three to pack up Rev’s things and make sure I’m not left out of the loop.”

The men all shared a look a concern, but it was Titan who said, “We don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“It’s not your choice,” I reminded them. “I own this place. Remember? Either I move in, or you all move out. Simple as that.”

Cruz looked to the floor and shook his head as he cursed under his breath. Storm ran two fingers down the middle of his forehead, and mumbled something like he was trying not to react to my words. And Titan crossed his arms over his chest, pinning me with a deathly stare that I assumed was supposed to make me back down.

It almost did … but I didn’t.

While I still wanted to know exactly why Rev had been shot and how he was actually killed, I also read the warning in Cruz’s tone. They were stalling like they already knew the truth would break me. Like they didn’t want me to know the details in case I wouldn’t be able to heal from it.

And maybe I wouldn’t. But I was already shattered and scared about what my future looked like without Rev in it. He was my big brother. My protector. The one who could make me laugh, dry my tears, and threaten anyone who harmed me. With Rev in my life, I always felt safe even during the times we weren’t close geographically.

After my boss bitch speech, I found myself returning to my Mercedes to get a breather as the guys went and got the truck and had me moved into one of the empty rooms on the second level within two hours.

It wasn’t until I was lying in bed surrounded by unpacked boxes while staring up at the ceiling, that all the emotions I’d kept bottled up today came crashing over me like a tsunami.

Rev, you should be here.He should’ve been the one sleeping in this house, not me. I was so confident that I was doing the right thing, but everything felt wrong. The sheets were too soft, the room too warm. Rev’s room was down the hall, and yet his presence was everywhere in this space.It used to be his office.The guys hadn’t told me that, but I remembered when I used to come here and this room was off-limits. If they packed it up and made it a guest room, it was because they didn’t want Rev’s private stuff lying around.

His bedroom was filled with his clothes and material things. Yet, this room had been his sanctuary. Cutting on the lamp on the nightstand, I felt my anxiety rise again.Is that my brother’s cologne that I smell lingering in the air?It didn’t make sense, but I smelled it all the same.

My throat was thick as I tried to swallow past my pain.Was this a mistake?Moving in with them, letting myself sink into their world while pretending like I wasn’t drowning in the space he left behind? In the parts of me that were so broken, I would never be able to be pieced back together.

I may have been soft-spoken, but whenever I was upset, my wails were loud and uncontrollable. In the past, I would try and calm myself down, but ever since Rev’s death, I hadn’t been able to stop the flood of emotions from escaping me once they started.

So I cried for the sibling I no longer had.

I wailed for the future he’d never get to live.

And I sobbed for my parents who lost a son, while weeping for his friends who lost their frat brother and best friend.

I wasn’t sure how long it was until my body got tired of fighting the emotions that were wreaking havoc on every part of me, but eventually, I drifted off to sleep, only to be awakened by the wind hitting my window.

In my haste to escape to my new room, I hadn’t grabbed a glass of water like I usually needed to sleep in the middle of the night. I could have just gotten some from the bathroom faucet, but I wanted the filtered water downstairs.

Lightly opening the wooden door, I made a mental note to put some oil on the hinges so that it wouldn’t be so loud when it creaked open. However, I stopped dead in my tracks, the gasp that left my lips barely above a whisper as I stared at the sight before me.

What in the world?

My body was frozen, but my eyes were roaming over each figure that was lying on the floor outside of my bedroom. Cruz was on his side, Storm was on his stomach, and Titan was on his back, all three of my brother’s best friend’s sleeping on the hardwood floor as if them being there was completely normal.

They must have heard me crying.And I couldn’t deny that my heart did this weird fluttering thing at the idea that they were so worried about me, that they fell asleep outside of my door.

It wasn’t just that they were there that choked me up again. It was that Rev used to do the same thing growing up.

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