Page 193 of Sins & Secrets

Darkness sets in just as I walk up the stairs and open the door.

It’s so quiet and my first thought is that I’m grateful she isn’t crying anymore. Ever since I told her the truth, Kat hasn’t been the same.

She looks at me the way I’ve always looked at myself. She’s always sad now, with red-rimmed eyes and an expression of shame blanketing her beautiful face, and it’s all because of me. I ruined her like I knew I would.

I call out to her in the townhouse. It’s the same as it’s always been, but there’s an emptiness to it. A hollow feeling that emanates from the white walls and seeps into my bones.

“Kat!” I call out again, and my voice echoes.

My boots crunch although there’s no snow.

My breathing picks up and again fog clouds my vision as I walk toward the kitchen. “Kat.” I say her name, but I already know she can’t hear me.

The white mist fades and suddenly I see her. Just as she was yesterday, she’s balled up on the floor, but she’s not crying anymore.

Crimson red has stained her clothes.

“Kat?” Her name slips from me in disbelief as tears flow freely and I run to her.

“No!” I scream as her limp body lies on the floor and her eyes stare back at me, lifeless, but still rimmed in red.

Praying for God to take it back, I cradle her, rocking her and screaming for it not to be true. A note falls and flutters to the floor with an elegance I hate in this moment. I can’t let go of Kat; I grip her tighter, reading the words as the ink on the paper appears slowly. The script is feminine and delicate.

You should have let me go. You should have protected me.

It’s all your fault.

And then I hear a baby scream.

My eyes shootopen with terror, a cold sweat clinging to every inch of me. My body’s stiff and hot as my heart races, poundingin my chest like a war drum. My pulse is heavy, hard, and unforgiving.It’s just a nightmare.

“Kat,” I say just beneath my breath, attempting to hide the fear before moving suddenly, shaking the bed as I put my arm around her.

It’s the soft moan from her sleep that keeps me from waking her.

My heart still races in my chest as she breathes easily beside me.

As if nothing’s wrong. Like nothing’s happened.

My body trembles, refusing to let go of the visions. I blink away the sleep and fright as the early morning light streams into the room. The white noise of city traffic drowns out the gentle and steady sounds of Kat’s breathing.

My body’s heavy as I lie back in the bed, wiping the sweat from my brow and trying to forget the look on her face as I held her in my arms in the nightmare.

It’s hard to swallow, the fear nearly crippling.

It’s not real, I whisper. But I know with everything in me it’s so much more.

Time ticks by slowly and sleep doesn’t come again for me.

I didn’t lie just once last night. I lied twice.

The need to be with her made me do it. The need to hold on to her love and let her feel how much I love her. I had to take away her pain. It only makes today that much harder.

There are two truths I know for certain.

Someone’s trying to kill me and if they can’t get me, they’ll come for her.

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