Page 25 of Turret

“What is it, Gemma?”

His tender use of my name was the key to unlocking my bravery, for with it I felt we were more than a princess and her faithful guard, but two companions who’d grown ever closer over the years we’d spent together. I felt the walls guarding my confession crumble, releasing my feelings from the protective prison that had kept them bound.

I took another wavering breath to push away the last of my fear. “I—I love you, Quinn.”

The moment the words escaped, my shyness returned. Heat enveloped my cheeks and I pressed my face back against the railing…and waited.

Silence followed my confession, not warm and comfortable as it’d been moments before, but taut with tension. It was just as my fears had warned me when they’d tried to convince me not to confess my feelings. But despite the awkwardness surrounding us, the bright hope that had encouraged me to open my heart wasn’t entirely extinguished.

It’s too soon to despair, it tried to reassure me. Surely his silence was simply because he was shocked.

I stole a tentative peek at him. His face was pale and his eyes wide with surprise, but they were also lit…with joy? The glimpse of this tender emotion caused my frightened heart to lift.

But my hope was short-lived before it crumbled at the guarded look that suddenly settled over him. The joy I thought I’d seen vanished in an instant, replaced by fierce regret.

“Gemma—Princess—I’m deeply honored by your feelings, but—”

I stiffened, knowing exactly where this conversation was going and unsure I was strong enough to endure it.He’s rejecting me.

Even though the fearful part of me had expected it, the rejection hurt all the same, a pain made worse when it confirmed all the stories I’d spent my life telling myself—no one would ever want an ill, pathetic princess. Despite having believed in this future for so long, it was still crushing.

He watched as my shoulders shrank as I curled into myself and he scooted closer, looking less regretful and more desperate. “Please, Gemma, I’m not trying to—I just…don’t want to hurt you. You don’t truly care for me the way you think you do.”

My sadness shifted in an instant. My gaze snapped to his. “You doubt my sincerity?”

He hesitated. “While I don’t doubt your feelings, for the past three years we’ve been almost completely alone within this tower…with no other men. It’s not surprising that you’d think…you feel more for me than you actually do.”

I frantically tried to make sense of his words. “You think I care for you because there are no other options?”

He shifted anxiously, looking as if he wanted to reach out but was holding himself back. “I’ve protected you for many years. It’s understandable that you’d grow attached…I don’t want you to force yourself to care for me.”

As well-meaning as his words were, they made me feel like a child. How could I think otherwise when the man who knew me best only viewed my attempts to take control of my life as naive? Ifhecouldn’t see more in me, how could I possibility see it in myself?

I swallowed the flare of tears suddenly clogging my throat. “I’m not forcing anything. I genuinely love you.”

Again, hope and despair warred over his expression. “It’s truly my greatest honor for you to feel anything towards me, Princess, but the truth of the matter is you deserve far more than me.”

I stared at him in disbelief. No one had ever shown me greater kindness and devotion than he had, and yet he felt himselfundeserving? “What obstacle could possibly keep us apart? You’re the son of a lord, a title that makes you a proper match for a princess, especially a younger one who’s never had any expectation to make a political alliance for her kingdom.”

He bit his lip. “It’s not my title that’s the objection…”

Then what could it possibly be? I studied him closely. For a moment he stared back with a look that was almost one of…yearning…before he closed his eyes and hastily looked away with a rigid shake of his head. “Not only is your title befitting my own, but you’re one of my father’s most devoted knights, a man who’s repeatedly demonstrated his loyalty; the fact you’re in this tower at all when you had the option of remaining free is testament enough of your character.”

He shifted again, looking more unsettled than I’d ever seen him. Emotion rarely slipped through his rigid mask, for he guarded his feelings almost as faithfully as he protected me. But his mask faltered now, allowing me a glimpse of his vulnerability. I watched the war of his inner battle as it played across his expression before it ended in an instant.

His shoulders slumped with a weary sigh. “There’s so much more to it than you could possibly know. I wish I could tell you, but it’s not your burden to bear.”

My emotions rose. “After all you’ve done to help carry my own burdens, how could you not grant me the same opportunity to help shoulder yours in return?”

“It’s too heavy to force upon you.”

I lifted my chin. “Shouldn’t I be the judge of that? Your position as my guard doesn’t allow you to dictate my course.”

I blinked in surprise at the defiance filling my tone. I rarely stood up for myself. But as proud as I was for taking this step, I knew it wasn’t enough. Attempting to seize control over my own happiness was impossible when what I most desired was impossible to claim; as desperately as I wanted to hold on to him, Quinn had rejected me, causing him to slip away.

He stared at me in shock at my outburst before offering a soft smile. “Of course you should take control of your life; I want nothing more for you than your happiness. But my position as your guard makes it impossible to offer what you think you want from me. I’m your protector. Being with you would distract me from my duties, and nothing is worth jeopardizing your safety.” His firm tone gentled. “You have a tendency to set your sights lower than you deserve. But the truth of the matter is you’re destined for greater things. You must see yourself as a princess and settle for more than a mere guard.”

Each reason felt like nothing more than an excuse. In his eyes I sensed a secret that confirmed he wasn’t telling me the entire story, forcing me to fill in the blanks on my own.

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