Page 30 of Turret

“Quinn?” I stuttered.

“I didn’t tell you the real reason why I can’t accept your feelings, which isn’t fair to you. So I must not only apologize, but be honest with you…to share my burden if you’re certain that’s what you truly want.”

I nodded. “I want to help you, so please trust that I’m able and allow me to.”

“Please forgive me that my attempt to shelter you made you believe I doubt your strength, when nothing could be further from the truth.”

My heart swelled. This was how I wanted to be seen by him—not as the weak princess, but one strong enough to help others, to live up to the title she’d been born to.

He gave my hands a reassuring squeeze, a gesture that felt both comforting and natural. “I will share my burden…but my first and foremost concern is always you. Something is troubling you. At first I feared your sadness came from my cruel rejection, but the more I’ve studied you, I’m beginning to think it’s something more.”

I should have known I wouldn’t be able to hide my feelings from him, yet my reservations kept me silent. I was afraid of sharing this part of myself, especially after what had happened the last time I’d allowed him a glimpse of my heart. I lowered my eyes and didn’t answer.

“Gemma?” His tone was pleading for me to confide in him, but still I couldn’t answer. “Did I…hurt you worse than I feared when I rejected you?” He sounded utterly distressed at the thought, which acted as the key to finally unlocking my suppressed feelings—it’d be far too cruel to leave him wondering.

I kept my eyes lowered, afraid I’d lose my resolve if I looked up. “It took great courage to confess to you. My fears tried to hold me back but I ignored them. I wanted to be brave, to take a step forward in my life, but in the end…my fears turned out to be right, and now I’m afraid I’ll never be strong enough to overcome them again.”

He released a fierce groan and pressed his forehead to our clasped hands. “Oh, Gemma. Of course you’d feel that way. I should have known…despite my intentions, what I thought was best for you has only hurt you. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” The last thing I wanted was for him to shoulder the blame for my weaknesses and insecurities.

His gaze snapped up to mine. “Of course it is. I more than anyone know how much you fear the outside world, how hard you’ve been trying…so for me to not even consider how difficult it must have been for you to open up to me, leading me to hurt you in such a way…I’m deeply sorry, Gemma.”

Again I wanted to reassure him it wasn’t his fault—my insecurities were my own burden to bear, and it wasn’t his duty to step carefully in order to avoid making them heavier—but I knew he wouldn’t listen, not when he was so determined to protect me from everything he could. The man was deeply loyal; it only made me care for him all the more.

His shoulders slumped, as if already wearied by my most recent confession. “Knowing the full consequences of my rejection only increases my need to share the true reason for it. The reasons I initially gave were nothing more than excuses—it’s not my title keeping me from you, or even the fear that you’re only settling for me because I’m the only man you’ve had a chance to come to know, for you’re more sensible than that. Please forgive me for causing you to think I believed otherwise; I was simply frightened of you knowing the truth, because I fear you loving me will only add to the curse already afflicting you, a thought I cannot bear.”

I frowned. “How could that possibly happen when you’ve done everything in your power to make this cursed confinement more than bearable?”

He opened his mouth to answer…only for his words to falter. The anxiety twisting his expression caused my pulse to palpitate wildly.

“What is it, Quinn?” I asked shakily. “Please share it with me.”

He took a wavering breath. “You’re not the only one trapped by a curse, Gemma.”

I puzzled over his words for a moment before I suddenly understood, causing the apprehension shrouding me to deepen. “You’re cursed as well?”

He slowly nodded. “It began with my great-grandfather. The story differs on how it befell him, but the nature of it is clear: it would not only afflict him, but pass down to one member of his family every generation…and I’m the one who’s inherited it.”

I stared at him to frantically search his face for any sign of what could possibly be afflicting him…but he seemed perfectly healthy, with no indication he’d inherited a family curse. Whatever its nature, it didn’t trap like the one afflicting me or my brothers. Could it be similar to the one afflicting my sister, Reve, where something was being taken?

“What is the nature of your curse?” I managed.

He took a steadying breath before straightening with resolve. “I’m going blind, Gemma.”

My breath caught and for a moment I was speechless. He was going…blind? No, he couldn’t…I searched his hazel eyes for any sign that his sight was fading, yet his gaze was steady, leaving me no doubt he could see me.

“You can’t be,” I murmured. “It’s impossible.” Ithadto be; it was simply too horrifying a possibility to even consider…even though I knew he’d never lie to me about such a thing.

“It’s true,” he said. “I’ve been steadily losing my sight ever since I turned eighteen. At first I remained in denial, for I have three other siblings who could have potentially inherited the curse instead. If I admitted that it had befallenme…I knew it’d change everything. I’d finally become a knight and earned my position as your guard, and going blind would rob me of those dreams.

“But denying my curse didn’t keep it from gradually stealing my sight. The changes were subtle at first—blurry vision on occasion, difficulty seeing in the dark, faraway objects being almost indiscernible. Then it began affecting other things: colors, my close-up vision, shadowy sight even when I was surrounded by light. Shortly before your imprisonment I couldn’t deny my condition any longer, and it’s only worsened since then, to the point that my sight is almost completely gone.”

I gaped at him in disbelief. This couldn’t be true, not when I often felt him watching me, often saw him navigate his way around the tower with no hints that he was struggling…but I’d no sooner thought this than I remembered the times when hehadstruggled—the moments of him searching with his hands for an object rather than with his eyes, times when he’d scooted closer to me and even then he’d still squinted, that day in the kitchen he’d cut his thumb because he’d said the color of the potato was too similar to the wooden table.

All because…he was losing his sight? The thought twisted my stomach, yet it did nothing to sway my heart. “Is this why you think I can’t love you?”

“You don’t understand.” Desperation caused his voice to rise. “This curse will taint the rest of my life…as well as anyone I chose to share that life with. What’s more, it will pass to one of my children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren…on and on throughout the generations. If you choose me, that won’t just be my story, butyoursas well. Your life, already marred by the curses of your family, your illness, and the curse of this tower will forever be trapped in another that you’ll never be able to escape. You’ll have to watch as it hurts both me and your other loved ones throughout the generations, one of yourchildren. How can I ask that of you, Gemma? I can’t.”

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