Page 16 of Vanish

His surmising brought to mind the familiar image of a vast library. Though my memories of my time spent within its walls remained out of reach on the dusty shelves of my mind, there was security found in my recollection of the towering shelves that seemed to cradle me almost protectively, making me wonder whether it had once served as a haven.

“I want to go to the library. Please.”

His eyebrows rose at my earnest plea. “Perhaps I’m going about rekindling our relationship in the wrong way. Rather than enjoying time in the gardens, you would prefer to be wooed over research?”

His teasing tone contained a hint of genuine curiosity, as if the answer to this question was truly beyond his current understanding, leaving me to wonder how much we had truly gotten to know one another before the curse consumed my memories.

Without any recollection of our courtship or even daydreams of the kind I would have wished for, I couldn’t answer his question. “How did you woo me the first time?”

He grew quiet before slowly meeting my gaze. “It was many little events that built upon one another with each interaction we shared. I will show these to you again, however many times I need to and wherever you want—whether it’s within this garden or the library.”

I stared at his defined features, somehow more handsome than before, as if this seemingly simple moment had worked upon my heart to bring about the smallest change. My gaze flickered down to his hand resting in the space between us. I let mine hover over his for a moment before withdrawing in case my earlier falsified objection to being close had any truth to it.

“I would like that.” My acceptance did little to restore what the curse had taken away, but something kindled my heart in its place, an emotion almost too foreign for me to immediately recognize—hope.

CHAPTER9

The day passed spent within the library, immersed in studying the vast collection of hefty tomes detailing curses, vanishing spells, and the history of other ailments that had afflicted both Brimoire and the surrounding kingdoms. In my current state, I wasn’t able to retrieve any of the books myself, but with Lucien’s help in taking down the ones that interested me from the shelves and in turning the pages, I could at least contribute my time to our research.

Neither of us were quite sure where to start. How did one go about discovering the cure for a curse when no one understood how the curse worked? At the very least we could learn all that had been recorded so far, and perhaps studying what had worked against other curses could spark an idea that no one had yet considered. I could also benefit from learning more about Brimoire’s history…assuming there was still a chance I would one day become the kingdom’s queen.

We moved side by side along the shelves, Lucien flipping through each book I pointed to and keeping any that looked promising. When his stack was so high it began to wobble in his arms, we made our way to a table to begin.

Though I had no need to sit, Lucien still drew up a chair close to him while far enough away for me to remain comfortable. I wondered how many memories I’d lost of moments when we’d sat by side like this, or spent the day tucked away reading together. Even though we weren’t doing anything interesting other than researching, I was certain I’d never spent so long at anyone’s side, making the seemingly simple moment all the more special.

“Is this our first time experiencing a moment like this?”

He looked up from the volume detailing countermeasures to antagonistic magic that he’d been perusing. After a moment’s hesitation, he managed a gentle smile. “It is.”

It had felt like a first for us. I was not only grateful for the accuracy of my instincts concerning my forgotten memories, but that I could experience this courtship moment firsthand so that not every step in our progressing relationship would be lost.

The day continued, measured by our growing stack of discarded books. Lucien didn’t even rest when the servants brought him dinner, instead choosing to eat still surrounded by his books. He only paused to prepare me a plate before remembering my condition wouldn’t allow me to eat. The sweet gesture further endeared me to him, stirring a half-hidden part of my heart that my forgetting had caused to grow dormant.

While tiredness didn’t affect me as the hours passed, Lucien steadily grew more and more exhausted—not merely physically but mentally as his longing to find answers deepened. Despite the weariness cloaking him he pushed through, scarcely taking any rest. At first his devotion made me feel treasured before my own worry began to gnaw away at me; it wasn’t a question of whether or not I deserved his sacrifice, but the fact that he shouldn’t disregard himself just for the sake of another.

His desperation triggered something in my lost memories, a rare singular moment when his emotions had faltered in the past. I struggled to piece together the indiscernible flashback captured in broken fragments—the look of frustration that pierced his diplomatic expression, the tightening of his shoulders that caused a similar tightening in my stomach—before it eventually faded, leaving nothing but an unpleasant ache against my temples, somehow present even without a body.

Yet my concern lingered, making it impossible to concentrate. As the sun began to set, casting the dim, candlelit library in shadow, I leaned closer to better examine his haggard expression; even with my inability to touch him, he startled the moment my indiscernible form grazed his shoulder…almost as if he’d felt me.

“It’s growing late. You need to rest.”

Despite my admonition, stubbornness kept him firmly in his seat. “No, I can keep going.” He rubbed his drooping eyes before blearily returning to his book, but by the way his eyes were fixed unmoving on the page, I knew he wasn’t reading any of it.

“You devoted most of yesterday to travel, spent the entire night searching for me, and have been cooped up in the library all day. You must rest.”

Unfortunately my sensible argument wasn’t enough to immediately persuade him. “I can’t, not when I have to make up for—” He swallowed the remainder of his excuse and lowered his eyes to his book. “Our time is limited.”

I frowned.Make up for what?The question burned my lips, but asking it would only invite additional conversation when he was in dire need of retiring for the night; my inquiry could wait until morning…if the curse didn’t snatch it away along with everything else. Absent pockets of recollection were scattered throughout our unproductive day of research, making me fear that anything of relevance I might have uncovered had already vanished.

I drew close enough for our shoulders to brush, a sensation I could almost feel and which drew his gaze away from his book to meet my gaze. “I’m so grateful for someone who cares enough for me expend so much effort on my behalf, but you mustn’t do it at the expense of your own wellbeing.”

He clenched his jaw, frustration clear in his voice as he turned to me. “I can’t give up on you. Surely all these books must containsomethingthat can give us a clue. We’ve sent queries to mages in other countries and tried every suggestion they’ve provided but nothing has worked. Yet there must be a cure…if I could only find what others have so far missed.” His eyes shone with a desperate exhaustion and I wished I could smooth down the hair that he had once again mussed.

“Though I don’t remember our relationship, I do know I wouldn’t want someone I care for to suffer on my account. We’ll gain nothing from having something happen to you too.”

This argument was enough for his resistance to finally falter. “I appreciate your wisdom when exhaustion has robbed me of my own sense.” He released a weary sigh. “I know this isn’t sustainable, but you mentioned that our proximity helps you remain tethered. I’m afraid that should I give in to sleep, I’ll wake up to find that you’ve disappeared, as if your presence was nothing more than a dream.”

The solution was simple; though embarrassment made me reluctant to propose it, the fear we shared gave me voice. “Then I’ll simply pass the night with you in your room.”

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