Page 26 of Vanish

“Aira!”

Though she remained invisible, the force that had drawn the curtain over my sight hadn’t deafened her voice. “I’ve been struggling to get your attention for several days now, ever since the curse consumed me.”

The full familiarity of her voice settled over me with every word she spoke—it was truly my beloved handmaiden, the one person I’d been able to trust and depend on in the decade since she came to the palace as a child near my own age when my aged, taciturn nursemaid had been dismissed. Tears of relief burned my eyes. It was difficult to speak through the sob cinching my throat. “I’m so glad you’re safe. I’ve been so worried.”

I winced upon noticing the insensitive implication beneath the words—Aira might not have permanently vanished, but she was certainly notsafe. As usual I lacked the proper decorum expected of a princess.

Even though I couldn’t see her, I detected no offense to my thoughtless remark. “I haven’t ceased to exist as I imagined I would, though things remain uncertain.”

The vanishing curse softened her tone, making it quiet enough not to pull Lucien from his deep slumber even if were able to hear her voice. Even so I cast him a nervous glance, finding it difficult to look away from his features relaxed with sleep. The disapproving force I thought I’d imagined earlier returned, emanating from where my handmaiden had briefly flickered into view.

Though I couldn’t see her, I wondered whether I was visible to her. “Can you see me?”

“Yes. Our forms are more similar than they are to those still in the visible world.”

“Then why am I visible only to Lucien?”

By her resulting silence she likely didn’t have an explanation for the phenomenon Lucien and I were currently experiencing. While the uncertainty gnawed at me, there were more pressing mysteries to unravel. “Where exactly are you?”

“I’m not entirely sure. It’s a place without form. Sometimes I feel as if I’m trapped in a void of nothingness, other times I’m in a world much like this one…or I’m here, invisible to those who remain free from the curse’s power.”

“I wish I could do something,anything…” My helplessness cinched my chest, an emotion that for once wasn’t directed towards my own difficult circumstances but instead another’s. I’d never meant to be selfish during the years I’d grown up in Father’s unfeeling court, yet my efforts to survive had made it difficult to consider others—made more so considering I’d never had a model of what caring looked like aside from Aira’s quiet, faithful service. Despite my unintentional selfishness my handmaiden had worried for me, concern I wasn’t sure I deserved.

“You’ve helped me more than you realize,” she offered reassuringly. “I believe my worry at leaving you behind is what allows me to remain close to this degree.”

Could her concern for someone as seemingly insignificant as me be so powerful? “So it’s lingering purpose that tethers one to the real world?” Did purpose or regret for an unfulfilled wish also keep me here? The mystery haunted me, making me desperate to search out every clue until I’d uncovered the truth.

While I wasn’t sure whether I’d ever experienced this propelling emotion for myself, I had at least witnessed it in the lives of others, most notably my father in his determination to utilize any means to achieve his ends…including me. I shivered and offered that particular memory as sacrifice for the curse’s insatiable appetite before returning to the matter at hand.

“Have you truly been with me this entire time?”

“I’ve been with you as much as I’ve been able ever since I vanished, but you didn’t seem to notice my presence until last night. As your handmaiden it is my duty to stay with you; you’ve never truly been alone.”

I found reassurance in that thought. I never imagined that even after she’d disappeared she had remained with me—unseen and unfelt—even in my loneliest moments following my capture by the curse. Though her explanation at least solved one mystery, a myriad of others lingered, ones that in my overwhelm I wished the curse could claim as well.

Knowing she had never been far and once more speaking with her only increased my yearning to see her again beyond the single flicker before she’d vanished from my sight. I reached across the space that divided where I imagined she stood nearby, as if I was stretching my arm across the length between our seats in the carriage we’d been riding when she’d disappeared.

At first my frantic gesture grasped nothing but air, but gradually it took on a more tangible form, as if I’d dipped my hand in a swirl of fog. The deeper my longing to see her again grew, the more tangible she became, until gradually the nothingness surrounding her took form.

This time when she reappeared she lingered, allowing me to study her. She looked as she had when she’d disappeared—adorned in her traveling cloak, her body nothing more than a shimmery outline like mine currently was. I wasted no time in reaching for her, my desperation for her to remain with me.

My fingers curled around her hand. It wasn’t until I felt something solid beneath my grasp that I realized how much I’d been craving human contact. The fleeting pseudo touches I’d experienced with Lucien that left me with an imagining of what they felt like had been empty, but this was something real I could hold onto. I didn’t realize how tightly I gripped Aira’s fingers in my touch-deprived state until her expression twisted in pain; I hurriedly relaxed my grip.

If only I could touch Lucien this way. Would we find a way to break the invisibility upon me so I would finally be able to, or had the curse created a chasm so vast it would forever keep us apart?

My attention shifted back to the man sleeping nearby. Though Aira’s features were blurred in shadow, I could faintly feel the heat of her disapproving gaze. “Why do you keep looking at him in that way?”

Apparently the curse had had a similar effect on her, freeing her of previous reservations like it had for me, as she would never have spoken to me so freely in our usual relationship; despite our similar ages and closeness, she had always been better than I at behaving in the way dictated by her station.

“Because he’s my fiancé.” Rather than the previous indifference I’d once experienced from the title in an arranged engagement, my heart warmed at the word, a feeling that despite my lost memories had only been growing the more time we’d spent together.

She snorted. “Perhaps in name only, but there was never any affection between you two.”

My breath caught and my gaze snapped back to her. “What do you mean?”

She studied me thoughtfully and her eyes bulged. “You truly don’t remember much about your relationship, do you?”

I shook my head. “For some reason the curse has chosen to consume those memories, along with many others.” It only restored the unpleasant ones, as if it wanted to provide me further reason to release my attachment to the real world.

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