Page 30 of Vanish

My heart squeezed in mingled joy and guilt as Lisette stared up at me, her gaze full of trust. With my years of distance, current deceit, and my helplessness against the curse that plagued her, I’d done little to earn such regard. I wanted nothing more than to live up to her faith in me—trust I knew had undoubtedly required considerable courage due to her difficult familial background—even as my weaknesses constantly whispered to me that I didn’t deserve her.

I still felt vulnerable after the dishonorable state of half-undress she’d found me in and the resulting conversations that had laid my heart bare, yet despite the blemish upon the image I’d spent my entire life carefully crafting, I felt closer to her now than I ever had before…a closeness I was determined to jealously guard.

Somehow mere words had been enough to deepen our relationship beyond the progress from our years of formal yet stagnant courtship. I never would have guessed there would be any value in my display of vulnerability, leaving me unsure how to ease my grip on the image my role had caused me to cling to for so long.

The first step in my efforts to live up to her tentative trust would be to stop allowing my limitations to hold me back from the assistance I felt capable of rendering her and to be more proactive in seeking help for her. I had already waited longer than I should have to assist her, hesitating both out of genuine concern that my claims would remove me from the affairs of state that might give me insight into the curse, and a less honorable desire to avoid appearing foolish and unfit to rule. Though I’d finally experienced a moment of courage in the meeting with Thorndale, I hadn’t pressed the issue. Instead I’d allowed myself to be removed from the discussion, listening as Father and his advisors focused on dealing with Thorndale’s threats, rather than insisting on focusing our efforts on rescuing Thorndale’s princess.

Combing through the knowledge of the curse we’d accumulated since its descent had already led to a dead end; the only source I hadn’t yet exhausted was the magical monastery that resided in the borderlands dividing the surrounding kingdoms, a neutral entity that was one of the only magical places that remained in the entire land. Perhaps they possessed information that could help Lisette.

I hastened to my desk to pen a letter—pushing aside my journals overflowing with notes—and began to write rapidly, only pausing when Lisette’s familiar voice drew my attention. I glanced up, but rather than her soft murmurs being directed to me, her body was angled away as she whispered to what appeared to be the emptiness surrounding her.

My brow furrowed. “Are you talking to someone?”

She gasped and spun around to face me; conflict briefly flickered across her face before she responded. “It’s nothing.” Her gaze darted sideways, as if looking at something lying beyond my sight.

Was something there?

Curiosity tempted me to press the matter, but by the agitated way Lisette wrung her hands, my inquiry would only make her uncomfortable. Our confiding in one another was still too new; I could never force her to share anything she wasn’t yet ready to, lest I shatter the promising but fragile progress we’d managed in our communication.

I returned to my letter addressed to the monastery, and in short order I’d completed my request. Rather than immediately summon a courier to dispatch it, indecision caused me to hesitate. As I stared at the sealed envelope, the determination that had roused me from my previous inaction had faded, leaving me with all the reasons I hadn’t pursued this course until now.

Aside from the credibility brought in dealing with an anomaly my cursed kingdom hadn’t yet seen, the route to the monastery had recently become the most dangerous to travel, as if the curse had purposefully invaded that portion of the land to block off all avenues that could lead to help. My previous resolve faltered in the face of this logistical reality that made it impossible to follow through, leaving me in the exact position I’d been before.

The curtains fluttered at Lisette’s movement as she drew nearer, leaning closer to examine the furrow marring my brow, a proximity that gave me a clearer view of her faded yet increasingly dear visage. “Is something troubling you?”

I hesitated. Sharing my troubles would be an admission I didn’t have everything together like I pretended, a contrast to the good impression I’d wanted to give her during our previous courtship…efforts I now realized had amounted to nothing. Her previous words returned:you’re rather intimidating when you’re closed off; it makes it difficult to know how to interact with you. I prefer you this way.

My mother’s early death had prevented me from using my parents’ relationship as an example to follow, but recently witnessing my brother’s new relationship had taught me that marriage was more than a political arrangement—it was a partnership between two individuals who grew stronger when they relied on one another.

I’d discovered through my recent conversations with my fiancée how similar the burdens we both silently carried were. I’d gained strength from sharing mine with her; rather than continue pushing her away, the best way to help her bear her invisibility was not to try and save her by my own merits, but work with her throughout the process.

My resistance fell away with a weary sigh. “I’m hoping the enchanted monastery that possesses all the current information the surrounding kingdoms know about magic will also have answers about how the curse is affecting you, but I’m uncertain how to send the missive; the curse has eliminated every route leading to the monastery, and its influence even over the sky in that area of the kingdom makes it impossible to use a carrier pigeon. I can’t risk the lives of any couriers by sending them through such dangerous territory.”

I wasn’t even certain the monastery possessed the healing magic needed to assist the sole anomaly that I knew of who hadn’t fully succumbed to the curse; the risk was far too great for so uncertain a reward. My weight of helplessness returned to crush my shoulders as I glared at the letter.

Lisette scrunched her brow in deep thought as she considered the matter. “I’m afraid I don’t remember many details about the magical state in the surrounding kingdoms…only that magic is nearly extinct?”

I nodded. “Estoria is currently the only kingdom that retains such power, along with the magical monastery.”

“Estoria…that’s the kingdom Princess Evelyn is from, correct?”

“As the kingdom’s sole heir, she is one of the only magic possessors in the surrounding lands.”

Her expression lit up. “How fortuitous that she just happens to be your sister-in-law.”

My kingdom had gone to great lengths to make thatfortuitousevent a reality. Our efforts to secure a political connection to a rare possessor of magic had nearly cost my brother the happiness he now enjoyed with his wife, and not without the casualty of my own honor in how I’d treated her during that trying time.

Guilt knotted my stomach. “I’m afraid my desperation to use her power has caused me to treat her dishonorably, giving me reason to doubt that she has any interest in helping me. I’ve since sought to make amends, yet I fear it’s not enough to erase the resentment she undoubtedly harbors towards me.”

Lisette tilted her head. “Is she the type of person to fail to recognize your efforts and hold a grudge in the face of someone in need?”

“No, but—”

“Then rather than give up prematurely, you should continue trying to repair what you fear you’ve broken until it’s been restored.”

The truth of her powerful words seeped over me, helping me shatter the unyielding reservations attempting to hold me back. I’d gone to extreme lengths in sacrificing my integrity in an attempt to salvage my relationship with Lisette; I couldn’t give up on my brother’s wife who had become my only sister.

I sighed. “Even if she forgives me, I don’t deserve her help.”

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