Page 34 of Vanish

With each word the reminiscence took form, shaking off the shrouds of fog to grow clearer and brighter. Whether or not I had ever acted on that wish, those feelings at least bore truth, and the spark of hope I’d desperately nurtured brightened.

“To my knowledge you never brought him to your special place,” Aira said. “I’m sure you’ll find proof if you give him a chance to try and prove it by asking him for specifics.”

I grasped blindly at the faint recollection in order to retrieve a detail I could ask him about. “Blossoms twisted up the swing’s ropes like ivy, but I can’t recall which flowers they were, only that they lifted my spirits every time I saw them. Do you happen to remember?”

I held my breath as I awaited his answer, afraid he would fail this spontaneous game of memories, causing us to lose all that we’d recently rebuilt.

His eyes momentarily widened in almost panic before he quickly recovered and shook his head. “It was impossible to notice such a detail when my entire focus was on you.”

My heart sank at his clear efforts to sidestep the question and Aira rolled her eyes. “Which is to say he never saw your swing with daffodils, and is simply pretending he cannot recall details to expound upon a setting he never visited.”

She didn’t need to continue her cynical commentary for me to understand the words that remained unsaid—Lucien had done the opposite of what he’d just claimed and instead had only given me the minimal amount of attention required of a fiancé. Even so, I still longed for the story he wove to be true; if it wasn’t, I still didn’t understand what reason he possessed to lie.

A possibility flitted through my mind before settling like a butterfly gently landing on a flower, granting me a necessary moment to examine it.Perhaps it’s not you he wants, but instead he’s desperate to protect the reason your union was arranged.

Those details would have undoubtedly also been lost to the erasing force if Father had deemed me worthy of knowing them in the first place, yet I’d blindly gone along with his dictates without a second thought as I always had, a passiveness I had never regretted more than I did in this moment of ignorance. I doubted Aira would have been privy to such details, leaving only Lucien to inform me…yet asking him now would reveal my doubt.

I hadn’t realized how quiet I’d become until he suddenly faced me, dipping his head to better peer into my faint expression. “What is it, Lisette?”

When I didn’t immediately answer, he tipped his head towards the swing that had led to this confusing exchange in silent urging for me to sit down. I frowned. “Shouldn’t you be the one to take the seat, considering that without a body I receive no discomfort from standing…if my posture can even be deemed such?”

He gave me the same exasperated look from the night before when he’d insisted on my taking his bed rather than being forced to resort to the floor. “Please humor my gallant efforts.”

I tentatively accepted, settling on the seat as best I could while floating several inches above it. The swing’s ropes framed me in a cocoon of safety reminiscent of the one that had cradled me in my garden back at home. Somehow Lucien’s presence made this one feel all the more secure, an emotion that for all my lingering doubts allowed me to tentatively offer another portion of my heart.

“No matter how hard I try, I can’t remember our courtship, making me fear it never happened. I simply want it to be real.”

He sighed. “I want it to be real as well instead of each precious moment being trapped either in a forgotten past or as a mere possibility of what could have been. Perhaps by sharing these tender thoughts, we have hope of making something of them in our future together.”

My mind whirled at the words which almost seemed like a confession that perhaps things hadn’t unfolded the way he’d initially claimed.

He crouched down until we were eye-level, gently resting his hands over mine clinging to the swing ropes like a desperate lifeline. “Yesterday I brought the matter of our courtship up with my brother.” A blush tinged his cheeks but his earnest gaze maintained my own.

I remembered his hushed conversation with Prince Ryland—a mix of furtive whispers and gestures—as we traversed the corridors to the meeting room where the entourage from Thorndale had awaited us. Finally I could satisfy at least one curiosity. “You were discussing us?”

He nodded. “You’re my first and only love, thus I fear I’m fumbling my efforts to court you. Ryland advised me to ask you what you want rather than relying on my own devices. From what you spoke of earlier, it was important for you to show me your special place and create memories there. I know this location is likely a poor substitute, but perhaps it can serve a similar function. I would love nothing more than to give you a place of safety and beauty, a refuge from your worries and obligations…somewhere we can hopefully retreat to relax and learn more about each other.”

My brow furrowed. “Even though that interaction between us supposedly already happened?”

“Not unless it’s part of both of our memories so that we may revisit it any time we choose. I know how difficult it is for you to open up to me, but please allow me to come to know this part of you, Lisette.”

I couldn’t deny him, especially when I shared the same secret wish. Before we could embark on this new venture, I wanted Aira to leave so Lucien and I could have this conversation without her judgmental observation. I cast her a frustrated glance, and though she clearly didn’t approve of ceasing her duties as chaperone with a man she clearly didn’t trust, after a moment of deliberation she faded to wherever she went when she wasn’t at my side. Curiosity bade me to follow, even as I still wasn’t quite ready to let go of Lucien, a feeling made stronger with him standing so near.

When I returned my attention to Lucien, I found him watching me with worry-clouded eyes. “This isn’t the first time you’ve seemed to be interacting with something I cannot see. Is someone there?”

I startled at the inquiry. I was tempted to deny it, but whether or not he was lying to me, the least I could do was to be honest in return. “My handmaiden who disappeared along with me has been visiting me on occasion, but she just left.”

His eyes bulged. “Thank goodness—that means our other vanished subjects are likely alive as well if there’s truly a place they go after all.” He grew thoughtful. “Similar to how no one other than me can see you, I haven’t noticed her at all. I wonder if we can only see those who’ve disappeared whom we shared a connection with.”

His voice was wistful, as though recognizing that this theory was implausible since he was certainly not the only one with a connection to someone who had vanished…not to mention that the strength of our bond was still in doubt. His thumb twitched from his position near my hand to stroke the back of my own, a touch I could almost feel.

“Our own connection continues to give me hope in a future together, one I will do all within my power to bring to fruition…beginning with recreating this memory, the first of many to follow, should you desire it.”

Even with my inexperience with relationships it seemed the best place to start—strengthening the security I felt with him in a safe place would make it easier to build my trust in him.

At my tentative nod, he straightened and positioned himself behind me. I wasn’t sure whether his idea would work, considering I wasn’t technically sitting on the swing but merely floating above it to create the illusion that I was.

I closed my eyes and willed myself to take on a tangible enough form. My entire body tingled with a sensation similar to emerging from a bath—I simultaneously felt the coolness of the air hitting my damp skin along with the comforting warmth I’d left behind, but rather than temperature this feeling was symbolic of the invisibility that clung to my skin and my presence in the visible world.

---