Page 37 of Vanish

His brows drew together as he took in my half-wedged body. From his exploring caresses I seemed to be in a state of in-between—tangible enough for him to finally be able to touch me, but wispy enough that with some effort I would hopefully be able to pass back through the wall.

“I feel as if I’m stuck within a confined space rather than permanently trapped. I think that with some maneuvering we should likely be able to tug me free.”

His hold tightened around my hand while his other gripped my wrist. With a grunt of exertion he pulled. My body ached with pressure, as if I was trying to walk against a fierce wind. At first I remained unmoving, but with another burst of force I felt myself pull free.

The sudden momentum caused me to lose my balance. Lucien gave anoofin pain as I tumbled into him and sent us both careening to the ground, my body collapsing on top of his. I immediately became hyperaware of every sensation of him beneath me—the firmness of his chest that rose with each of his frantic breaths, the rapid beat of his heartbeat against my cheek, and most of all the warm contours of his body molded against mine.

Dazed, I looked up and my breath caught seeing his face inches from mine, so close that leaning forward slightly would be enough to completely close the distance between us. He gasped and rested his hands on my shoulders to push me away…only to remain still, while I made no motion to move from our intimate position.

Time lost all meaning as our gazes seeped into one another’s. Eventually he stirred to hypnotically lift his hand to run his thumb across my transparent cheek, leaving behind a faint hint of heat, confirmation that with every interaction between us, my transparency gradually took more form.

“I can’t tell you how long I’ve wanted to do that.” His voice had grown deeper, almost husky; the sound vibrated through me, causing a pleasant shiver to curl up my spine.

His fluttery caress lingered against my cheek for a long, blissful moment before extending up to run his fingers through my hair. He suddenly paused, eyes wide with uncertainty.

“Do you welcome my touch?”

The words about how much I yearned to forever lose myself in this moment currently felt impossible to express beyond a faint nod. He smiled shyly and reached for my hair again, but in that moment we were interrupted when the door burst open and his guard hurried inside.

“Your Highness, I heard a cry and—” He froze upon discovering the crown prince splayed across the floor in an awkward position, shock and confusion that was quickly eclipsed with purpose as he hastened to Lucien’s side, his gaze not even flickering in my direction.

It appeared that even with my more tangible form I still remained beyond everyone’s sight. The thought might have been disappointing if not for my fierce relief that my invisibility spared Lucien’s reputation to have been found in such a comprising position with a woman he wasn’t yet married to.

Crimson flooded Lucien’s cheeks as ignored his guard’s offered hand and hastily sat us up, his hands curled around my waist to help me maintain my balance. “I’m alright,” he said hastily. “I just…tripped.”

The guard took in the floor empty of even a rug that could have caused the normally poised prince to fall. Upon realizing this, Lucien gently eased me off his lap and hasted to his feet—as if the sooner he righted himself, the sooner he could begin salvaging his flustered reputation—before stooping to help me up, a gesture that undoubtedly looked quite puzzling to the perplexed guard.

Even after I’d stood Lucien seemed reluctant to release me, nor did he seem inclined to look away; only his guard’s awkward clearing of his throat was enough to break the spell that had settled over us. He hastily straightened and brushed off his clothes before facing his guard.

“Thank you for your assistance, but I am well.” Impatience cracked his normal composure, his urgency for us to be alone. Though clearly confused, the guard obeyed the implied command, and left with a bow. Tension choked the silence that followed the guard’s departure, broken by Lucien’s groan. “I’m so sorry, Lisette. I didn’t mean—I shouldn’t have—” It seemed he couldn’t bear to finish, his gaze falling to the floor.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” I said. “I’m the one who got stuck in the wall. Without your help, I’d likely remain there forever to haunt you whenever you tried to work.”

His lips twitched. “I never would have imagined that the first I really touched you would be after such an incident. Who knew I’d be so grateful for a piece of palace architecture as I now am for that wall.”

My eyebrow rose. “The first time you’ve truly touched me? What about the moments during our courtship before?”

His eyes bulged. “Before?Yes, of course we touched many times during our first courtship…” But his voice was weaker, less confident, and he couldn’t meet my gaze.

Foreboding knotted my stomach. I didn’t want to dwell on the inconsistencies found in his words, but there had now been one too many for me to ignore them any longer. The moment I was alone once more, I would need to find a way to investigate them. Until then, I forced myself to temporarily push away my growing unease to focus on the matter at hand.

Now that I was free, I wanted to untangle the puzzle of how an intangible body could have gotten stuck in the first place, anything to distract myself from the awkwardness choking the air from our previous tangle of limbs and my deepening reservations about Lucien’s claims. I’d had no difficulty tumbling through his door the day before to find myself in yet another embarrassing situation, so what had accounted for the change?

I stretched my mind back to all the moments just before I’d become solid—from our time together on the garden swing, to our late night conversation, to his acknowledgment that my presence alone was enough to help him. All of these shared a common thread—the more I’d felt seen and acknowledged by him, the more solidified I’d become.

But such a change had come too late. Why was it during this progress that I now had reason to doubt him again? My fragile hold around the tangibility I’d rediscovered weakened as my doubts strengthened, my longing to believe him fighting a losing battle against Aira’s accusations, my scattered bits of memory, and my current observations. Unsure how to broach the subject or if I even wanted to discuss it at all, I did my best to keep my inner turmoil hidden.

Yet when Lucien next reached for my hand, his fingers fell through, evidence that supported the last thing I wanted to believe—no matter how desperately I tried to cling to him, he would only slip away.

CHAPTER17

Iwarred with my uncertainty throughout the remainder of the day and the endless night that followed. The slants of rose-gold light that greeted me with dawn’s arrival did little to illuminate the shadows that had encroached upon my heart.

Once Lucien had retired to bed after another of our late-night talks—this one about all we hoped to accomplish for Brimoire during our future reign together, a conversation that both encouraged me and reminded me of all my fears, both of his sincerity and of my own ability to rule—I’d been left without any distraction from my growing doubts. This temporary standstill in further progressing our relationship made it all too easy for me to dwell on the past.

I lifted my transparent hand, its outline more visible in the sunlight tumbling through the slit in the curtains. After Lucien’s admission that yesterday was the first time we’d really touched—a contrast to the claims I distinctly remembered from the day after our reunion—reservations entered my heart, and despite our many experiments, I’d been unable to gain any solid form.

I wanted nothing more than to dismiss the inconsistency preying on my trust, but no matter how much I attempted to convince my heart otherwise, the evidence of one lie created the possibility of others whose truths still remained hidden. I didn’t yet know the extent of his dishonesty, nor his motive behind it.

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