Page 49 of Vanish

Could a mere mineral harbor hidden power? I sensed this was the missing piece Lucien had searched tirelessly for, but it felt incomplete without more information.

With his hobby of studying and collecting rocks, Prince Ryland would likely be able to identify this mineral; the problem came from my inability to speak with him or show him my pendant in my current state. Frustration swelled at my helplessness and my skin tingled, as if fighting to regain form in accordance with my urgency to take action.

“If Thorndale is responsible for spreading the curse for power and expansion, does the king have a plan for how to break it and make the land livable?” He must, considering the visiting dignitaries had requested a relinquishment of the cursed land as compensation for my disappearance.

In Castiel’s hesitation I sensed that for all his willingness to provide me with information, there were some details he wasn’t at liberty to share. I set aside that mystery for now; he’d already provided me with more than enough to begin my investigation, though the problem brought by my current state would make them difficult.

I pushed against the discouragement attempting to hinder my resolve. If in my invisibility I could find a way to touch my old letters, slam a book shut, faintly feel a swing beneath my body, and kiss Lucien, then I would discover a means to research this new development.

I floated to the library, Castiel following silently behind, seeming determined not to let me out of his sight. Upon arriving we discovered that the door was locked, meaning I would have to venture forward on my own. I hesitated, the memory of the last time I’d tried to go through something solid still painfully vivid. The faint candlelight was just enough to illuminate my reluctance. Castiel raised his eyebrow in silent question.

“I got stuck the last time I tried to go through something solid.” I wisely chose to omit the details of what had transpired between me and Lucien after his efforts to help me had resulted in me tumbling on top of him. My cheeks warmed at the memory, evidence that for all that I had discovered, my feelings for him stubbornly lingered. No matter how I felt about our future together, I still believed in him as a future king and wanted to do all within my power to help him for the sake of the kingdom that through our arranged marriage we would rule together.

Castiel’s lips twitched, the first sign of humor I’d ever witnessed him display, before he hastily suppressed it. I stared, feeling as if seeing him for the first time and wanting to discover all the other emotions he kept safely tucked away. “When this is all over, can we get better acquainted?”

His stoic expression didn’t change…save for the glassy sheen that momentarily clouded his eyes before he averted his gaze. He reached up to ruffle my hair, a touch I could almost feel, before withdrawing with an awkward clearing of his throat.

“I will be just outside the door should you need me. Even if I have to break down the door I will always come for you, so please don’t hesitate to call for me.” He drew his sword and took a defensive stance.

His caring gave me the confidence I needed to push against the solid wood. It felt as if I was swimming through mud as I struggled to maneuver my body through, but after considerable exertion I managed to safely arrive on the other side.

An array of towering shelves stretching from floor to ceiling greeted me. Memories of the time Lucien and I had spent researching within these walls were tucked amongst the volumes, causing my heart to twinge, but I forced my thoughts away from him in order to focus on the matter at hand.

The faded titles were difficult to discern through the thin slant of moonlight, making me wish for Castiel’s candle. As my eyes gradually adjusted to the darkness, I manage to find some promising volumes, but to my dismay my hand went right through them when I tried to pull them from the shelf.

With each failed attempt my frustration mounted. I stretched my mind back to the other times I’d been able to manipulate the real world—in every instance my will had allowed me to briefly overcome the limits brought by my invisibility.

I gathered my resolve with several steadying breaths.I need information to help Lucien…and the kingdom that we will one day rule together. Fear had once caused me to shy away from any thought of my future as a queen, but now I allowed this title to drape over me like a crown of determination atop my head.

My fingers tingled and grew solid enough for me to begin my search. The library contained a vast array of books on rocks and minerals—undoubtedly due to the younger prince’s pet hobby—which I combed through meticulously, comparing the stone decorating my amulet with the illustrations adorning the petrology reference.

The mineral appeared to be quite rare, for I couldn’t find it in the standard volumes and needed to extend my research to more complicated ones that were difficult to comprehend. An hour passed before I finally located it in a hefty specialized tome.

My fingers traced the name of the mineral, phanite, as I attempted to read the information listed beneath it…but the letters were faded with age and the words I managed to decipher were beyond my comprehension; I would need to consult an expert in the matter. Though Prince Ryland couldn’t see me, should I choose to once more reveal myself to Lucien, he would be able to intercede on my behalf.

I set the petrology book aside and tried to research something else. Though the strangely familiar mineral stirred an intangible memory from my childhood and I could almost sense a pattern amongst the vanished villages, for all my diligence I couldn’t find any further information about this resource, nor could I locate records detailing the villages that had succumbed to the curse to see if there were any commonalities amongst them or connection to the mineral in my necklace; those could only be acquired from a member of the royal family or one of their trusted advisors.

I heaved a frustrated sigh; it appeared I’d gotten as far as I could on my own with little to show for my efforts. Though I hadn’t been able to investigate as much as I wished, I’d at least obtained the name of the stone in my amulet, information likely too important to keep to myself.

Which meant I needed to cease avoiding Lucien beneath my shield of invisibility and seek his help. For all the importance of learning more about the curse, beyond receiving the assistance from the one who knew Brimoire better than anyone I had another investigation to conduct—one I had far greater personal investment in.

I experienced a tug of war between my heart that yearned for him even now and my sense that was wary of allowing myself to get close to him, even over something as mundane as research…especially when Lucien had effectively been wooing me through that very pastime throughout our second courtship. My heart twinged at the memory, along with all the other ways he’d demonstrated his love and care ever since I’d become invisible…evidence that although much of our second courtship might have started as an illusion born from deceit, it had eventually become something real and infinitely precious.

Each recollection nourished my hope that there may have been a good or at least understandable motive for his deceit. Even if there weren’t, it would be wrong for me to condemn him completely when I’d made mistakes of my own—beginning with my fear of being open with him and locking him from my troubles. Yet even midst my weaknesses he’d stood by me. This realization stirred my yearning to remain by him despite his own mistakes, the longing that I’d fought to keep buried unable to be suppressed any longer.

Whatever lay before us relationally, even if I wanted to protect my heart, for the good of Brimoire and the hope of finding reconciliation I would choose to momentarily place my belief in the love he’d shown me and trust that there may have been a reason Lucien had chosen to embark on a course laden with lies.

It doesn’t matter how it started, only what it’s become.

Castiel glanced over as I drifted back through the door to where he awaited me on the other side. “Did you find what you were looking for?”

“I discovered some interesting information, yet most is far beyond my experience. I need Lucien’s help.”

My brother’s eyes widened, but before he could respond I started to drift down the hallway to begin searching for Lucien. Castiel caught hold of my arm; rather than his touch going right through me, he was able to grip me enough to tug me to a stop.

I glanced in surprise at his fingers curled around me, then up at him, noting the worry barely discernible beneath his rigid expression. “Are you going tohim?”

His menacing tone could only mean Lucien. His grip tightened at my nod, making me fear I wouldn’t be able to break free from his determination should he attempt to restrain me…but his hold almost immediately loosened enough for me to pull away.

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