Page 50 of Vanish

“Very well. Though I don’t agree with it, I will support your decision and continue to search for information concerning Thorndale’s involvement on my own by first talking with the advisors our kingdom sent who are still in the castle.”

My brow furrowed. “You’re not going to stop me from seeking a man you clearly disapprove of?”

He was silent a moment before releasing a weary sigh. “You’ve been controlled for most of your life. It’s time you finally choose your own path.”

“I’m still not sure whether it’s the best one.” I only knew that it was the one I sought to walk more than any other. Though I feared what awaited me at the end of the journey ahead, I knew nothing would come from standing still as I’d spent most of my life.

Castiel searched my expression before nodding his acceptance. That likely would have been the end of the discussion, but I was desperate for an opinion that wouldn’t be muddled by my heart’s earnest wishes. “Can I ask you something?”

I shifted beneath his intimidating gaze as he gave me his full attention. I’d never confided in him before, but his short visit had been enough to prove I could trust him to become the confidant I sought.

“Is there ever a good reason to lie to someone?”

He thoughtfully considered my inquiry before answering. “One would think such a matter would be black and white, but I’m guilty of too many sins not to know that most of the world is painted in shades of grey. I suppose it would depend on the motive behind the lie, and whether it was to protect someone’s best interests or manipulate them.”

To protect someone. I’d never considered Lucien could possibly possess such a motive. My brief reunion with my brother had been enough to teach me that my perception of our relationship had been flawed—influenced by fear and insecurity rather than reality. I’d only just discovered that Castiel had been watching over me from the shadows throughout my whole life, so perhaps Lucien’s lies had been his own form of protection that didn’t appear so at first glance.

Could I say the same about myself? While my failure to tell Lucien about my background had been wholly unintentional as I’d originally assumed he knew, I was now faced with the knowledge that I was now also lying by keeping the truth a secret. Did my motives go beyond my own fear of rejection?

Wondering would get me nowhere—there was only one way to unravel the contradiction brought by Lucien’s supposed indifference during our first courtship with the consideration he’d bestowed upon me during our second. Though I wasn’t sure whether I was ready to confront him, I didn’t want to repeat the mistake that had riddled my life of being so drawn into my pain, so prone to internalize my experiences that I was too paralyzed to act on behalf of the interests of our kingdom.

Time felt immeasurable as I wandered, led by the unseen force tugging at my consciousness—undoubtedly Lucien. Despite all the fractures in our relationship, I’d never been able to fully break the last thread of memory and care connecting the two of us; while I might have faded from his view, I could not remove him from my heart and mind. Midst my hurt I felt a mixture of frustration that he would intrude on my solace and a twinge of hope that our story wasn’t yet over.

I knew more than anyone that hearts could change, having experienced my own gradually emerging from the stronghold I’d locked it behind as I forged relationships I never would have dreamed of in my lonely past. I didn’t want to hold Lucien captive to our broken first courtship any more than I wanted to remain trapped.

But even if a relationship with him was still part of my future, there were many things we needed to overcome before we could rebuild all that had crumbled between us. However painful it might be, we needed to address the truth of our past and commit to honesty in our interactions.

I eventually found Lucien in a secluded parlor conversing with Prince Ryland and Princess Evelyn. I slipped unseen into the room and hid myself behind an armchair, peering around to capture a glimpse of his familiar form. My heart jolted, unprepared for the emotions I would experience upon seeing him again.

Throughout my life I’d never had a chance to miss anyone, and even though I had been the one to fade and leave him behind, it wasn’t until this moment that I recognized the wound afflicting my heart from his absence. I wasn’t sure how long I’d straddled between the visible and invisible worlds before reemerging, but in this moment it felt like it had been an eternity.

He made no acknowledgment of my presence, meaning that although I’d stepped back into the visible realm I was still cloaked beneath invisibility’s protection, the part of me currently afraid of being seen by him that allowed me to spy on the unfolding scene undisturbed.

I wasn’t entirely certain what I hoped to accomplish. Perhaps I wanted to see who Lucien was beyond his role as crown prince and fiancé, to see how much had been sincere and how much had only been pretend—my last protective measure before I finally yielded the heart I’d guarded for so long.

Lucien leaned forward. “How did your search go?”

Evelyn hesitated. “Though I looked everywhere, I detected no sign of Lisette’s presence.”

“None at all?” Lucien’s shoulders slumped in defeat as she shook her head.

“While I was looking, the monastery finally responded.” By the princess’s heavy tone she feared disappointing news. Lucien accepted her glistening missive with shaking hands but made no move to open it, merely stared with palpable dread, as if afraid of its contents.

With a wavering breath he finally slit the envelope and drew out the letter, unfolding it slowly. I didn’t want to risk drifting close enough to read it in case our proximity alerted him or Princess Evelyn to my presence, but even at a distance I could tell it was short.

Lucien read through it several times before crumpling it and burying his face in his hands with a look as if his last guiding hope had died, confirmation that the monastery for all its magical knowledge and strongholds protecting the surrounding lands had no information about invisibility or the disappearing curse.

A heavy silence followed before Ryland tentatively spoke. “I’m so sorry, Lucien.”

He didn’t answer or look up. Evelyn rested a comforting hand against his back. “It’s too soon to give up. I still haven’t heard from my parents, so there’s a chance that Estoria’s library contains an answer.”

Still Lucien remained silent, as if he’d lost the ability to speak entirely. I never would have expected such a reaction outside what I’d discovered to be nothing more than a charade, confirmation for the path my heart yearned to embrace: that for all our past mistakes it was too soon to give up on everything we’d begun to build together.

The thought gave me the courage to venture from my hiding place…before Ryland’s next words gave me pause. “I know now isn’t the time for more dire news, but Father has returned from his marriage negotiations and wishes to speak with you.”

Lucien sighed and finally straightened to lean his head back, looking more tired than his previous show of careful composure allowed, an exhaustion that even surpassed the nights we’d stayed up late researching or talking. “I’ve been fully prepared to tell him about Lisette, but I have no argument when she’s no longer even here.”

“So you haven’t found any sign of her either?”

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