Page 52 of Vanish

He stared at the blank sheet for a long moment before slamming his head onto the desk with a defeated groan. “Why can’t I ever write what I truly want to say to her?”

I wasn’t sure why he would talk to himself out loud, unless some subconscious part of him noticed my presence—the connecting thread that despite all we’d endured had yet to sever.

Time felt immeasurable as he pondered his words before taking up his quill and slowly composing a letter. I yearned to read over his shoulder to see what he was saying, but on the chance he noticed my approach I didn’t want to disrupt his concentration.

Dusk tinged the sky by the time he finally finished. I followed his purposeful strides as he sealed the letter and walked through the twisting corridors outside to the garden illuminated in the soft rosy light of late day, finally pausing in the alcove of hedges framing the tree whose swing hung from the bough.

For a moment he held the letter against his chest before gently setting it atop the swing, securing it with a sliver in the wood so that the gentle breeze wouldn’t blow it away. He then plucked a few daffodils from the nearby patch, twisting them into a small bouquet that he rested beside the letter. He stepped back to study it a moment before nodding in satisfaction.

My heart warmed. Since he had no knowledge of where I currently was, he’d taken it upon himself to leave his letter at a place I might find it, evidence of his hope that I hadn’t disappeared forever and would eventually return to him.

“I miss you, Lisette,” he murmured, as if he sensed me nearby. “If only I could tell you how much you mean to me. Please come back to me.” Emotion wrenched his voice, cutting off further words, and he departed, striding quickly back towards the palace with his head bent.

This time I made no motion to follow him, my attention locked onto the letter before my need to explore its contents grew strong enough to fight against the curse barring me from touch, allowing me to gingerly unfold it to read the first heartfelt letter Lucien had ever bestowed upon me.

Dear Lisette,

I don’t know where you’ve gone, but it feels so much farther than when the months between our visits and the length across our kingdoms divided us. I’m unsure whether you’ve left by your own choice or by the curse’s power, but if there is any chance my words can reach you, I must assure you how much you mean to me.

I have cared for you from the moment we met and have yearned to protect you ever since, a desire that has only increased the closer we’ve become. My myriad of mistakes make me feel I don’t deserve you, but if I receive the blessing of seeing you again, there is something I must share about our past if I have any hope of creating the future I long for with you. Please, if you have the power to return, let me see you again and tell you what I should have said long ago.

I am always seeking you and waiting for you. I love you, Lucien

I tracedeach letter in his expression of his love over and over, each word breathing more life into my translucent body. I reread the letter several times; its brevity did nothing to lessen its tender impact. I cradled the letter close, allowing its sweet promise to sink deep into my heart and stir it from the dormant indifference that had previously trapped it.

My bond with Lucien that I thought his deceit had completely severed wove through my heart’s fractured pieces, binding it and all my feelings for him together in a way I’d never experienced, even before I knew about his lies. I felt a tug, as though something urged me to find him. Caressing the letter one last time, I laid it carefully down, knowing the act of carrying it would be too taxing in my current form.

I followed this healing sensation in the direction he’d gone and found him in his study, the door partially open, as if he was not only expecting me but inviting me to join him. Soundlessly I slipped inside and approached him, heart beating so hard I thought he must hear it even through the layers of curse separating us.

He sat his desk with stacks of curse-breaking tomes piled around him. Worry embedded the exhaustion lining his haggard expression, concern that testified that regardless of the lies that had paved the path we’d traveled together up until this point, he was still doing whatever he could for our future together.

If he’d been entirely indifferent, he could have allowed my existence to fade into the vanished world or given up on me to dutifully pursue the relationship his kingdom needed; instead he’d chosen me even over the royal role that until now had given him purpose.

His caring reached across the distance separating us and enfolded my previously hardened heart, melting away the last shards of pain and anger at his actions. The scene before me almost didn’t seem real—I wasn’t used to displays of concern on my behalf, which had blinded me to the devotion Lucien had bestowed ever since my disappearance, as if my fragile heart, so afraid of getting hurt, feared exploring the romance I desperately yearned for.

An unwanted part of me still feared being seen by him, however the tender emotions I’d nourished during our time together proved stronger. Though I’d initially sought him out for assistance, all thoughts of the curse had momentarily fled, eclipsed by the comfort I found simply by being in his presence again, the need to comfort him in his pain, and my strong desire to be seen by him again. I couldn’t touch him directly, but with a concentrated effort I was able to stir the nearby curtains, causing them to flutter and brush his cheek.

Lucien paused and looked up, his body shifting in my direction, giving me hope that he sensed my presence. “Lisette?” He hungrily searched the supposedly empty room before his gaze settled upon where I stood beneath invisibility’s thinning curtain, as if as attuned to me as I was to him. He nearly knocked his chair over as he hastened to his feet. “Lisette!”

“Yes, it’s me.” My words were swallowed up by the surrounding silence; I pressed a hand against my throat in frustration. Though I knew the effort was futile, I raised my voice. “Lucien!”

I strained my incorporeal vocal cords, but they didn’t even shift the air around me. Desperately I focused on our connection, willing myself to bridge the distance and step back into his world enough to be seen. I felt a slight warmth flow through me but still remained invisible.

Anxious to be near him even if he couldn’t see or hear me, I moved closer, a thrill running through me as his gaze seemed to follow my unseen form as I floated to the chair near his desk.

“Even though I still can’t see you, I know you’re here; I can feel you again. I’m so glad you’re alright.” He scooted his chair closer until we sat side by side.

My heart soared at his awareness; invisible or not, I was beginning to trust he would always see me.I am seen.

This epiphany tugged me further from the shroud cast by the curse. Lucien suddenly jolted and leaned closer, squinting into my face. “I can see you…or rather part of you.” He reached out to brush my cheek before his hand fell limply with a sigh. “And you’ve disappeared again.”

It was as if my sudden willingness to be seen by him was at war with the part of me that still feared that my reappearance would finally force me to face the vulnerabilities I’d taken advantage of my invisible condition to hide. “I don’t mean to vanish; I want to stay.” Tentatively voicing this desire out loud gave it further power to fight against fear’s seductive temptations.

By the way Lucien’s face transformed, eyes lighting with joy, I knew that this time my words weren’t lost to him. “There is nothing I want more than for you to remain with me. Please.” Once more he extended his hand, as if he meant to seize hold of whatever part of me had reappeared in order to keep me beside him.

His fingers paused inches from where my face would be if it was visible, his eyes seeking permission. I nodded before remembering he couldn’t see the movement, but he must have sensed it, for his fingers cautiously yet gently caressed my skin, stroking up and down my cheekbones before his thumb traced my jaw. I shivered at his touch, one that until this moment I hadn’t realized how much I’d fiercely missed.

“You’re here.” Wonder cradled his voice.

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