Page 7 of Vanish

In an instant my world shifted, and the nameLucientook on greater meaning beyond any other word. I began my frantic search for any mention of him in the royal records detailing recent diplomacy, during which I discovered he already played a crucial role in politics as he trained alongside his father for the mantle he would one day inherit.

Devotionandloyaltywere the first two traits I’d come to associate with my future husband, ones I cherished with the hope that he would extend them beyond his role as a father to his nation to becoming my beloved husband. I looked forward to our first meeting with great anticipation.

When the long-awaited day finally arrived, I checked my mousy appearance several times in the mirror to ensure every hair was in place. Though beauty had failed to accompany my engagement, I hoped the goodness I had come to associate with my imaginings of my fiancé would allow him to see beyond everyone else’s disappointing perception so I could at long last be noticed by someone.

I hovered in Father’s shadow as he led the way to the reception room where the crown prince and the king of Brimoire awaited. The doors swung open to admit us. With a wavering breath, I pushed through the shyness ducking my head to lift my uncertain gaze to meet his deep grey eyes staring at me. My breath hooked as I took in his appearance—handsome, serious, and with a royal confidence I hadn’t seemed to inherit with my own title.

For all his impressive appearance and regal bearing, unfortunately the interest I yearned for above all others seemed entirely absent. His stoic expression didn’t falter when he saw me for the first time, save for the slight widening of his eyes…before he hastily averted his gaze, as if he couldn’t bear to look at me. The gesture created the first crack in my hopes that in our future together I would find something different than the past I desperately wanted to leave behind.

Agony marred the remainder of the evening. Several times during the long dinner Lucien turned to me with clearly rehearsed questions on my health, interests, and the affairs of my kingdom, but my anxiety compounded by the distaste I’d observed earlier crippled my tongue and I blundered through the briefest of responses. I sensed him withdraw slightly more with each interchange, and though I desperately wanted to reverse it to capture his attention and see interest and approval in his eyes, I was powerless to stop my hopes from slipping through my fingers.

Even worse than the interminable meal was the celebratory ball that followed. The newly betrothed couple was naturally expected to dance together, but as Lucien took one of my gloved hands in his and reached his other towards my waist I flinched, hesitant to be touched by a person who seemed to view me with disdain.

The prince paused, his brow furrowing slightly. After a moment he reached out again but kept his hand a fraction away from my side, his fingers just brushing the silk of my dress rather than applying any pressure, though I was acutely aware of his warmth against me.

Filled with shame at my own awkwardness and his resulting effort to maintain distance from such a fiancée, I kept my eyes trained on my feet throughout the dance. We survived the waltz without either of us making any effort at conversation and finally parted ways.

I took refuge near the edge of the floor, where I watched him for the remainder of the evening as he moved among the guests, envying his effortless ability to converse and wishing he’d shown as much interest in me as he did my kingdom’s Minister of Finance or Steward of Agriculture.

I gradually came to the painful realization that while Lucien had accepted me as his future queen, he had not chosen me to be his companion; it was clear that his interest lay solely in the alliance between our nations and how that could benefit his home country. My dreams of connecting with him as a soulmate and a friend withered as I realized I was destined to continue my existence of being ignored when my title wasn’t needed. From that moment on, no matter how many awkward meetings we endured, our relationship never improved, any romantic progression blocked by my shyness and his own determined distance.

Now that I was beholden to no one, I knew that I needed to finally let go of the duty binding me to him so that I could create a life of my choosing for as long as I had remaining before the curse took full effect and erased me. But stronger than my fear of disappearing was my regret in the one unresolved purpose I wasn’t quite ready to leave behind.

I wasn’t sure why I hadn’t disappeared, especially when my life up until this point was not one worth clinging to. Yet part of me was still willing to fight in order to find meaning in what had been broken, a yearning that strengthened the fragile thread connecting me to a man I scarcely knew. I wasn’t certain whether I could find the answers to the questions I couldn’t express, or why my vanished state seemed to fade whenever I was around him.

It felt as if my memories were beginning to fade, as if the act of remembering caused them to drift away. The more I recalled about Lucien and the failed relationship we shared, the deeper the regret that shadowed each remembrance, causing the sense of nothingness surrounding my consciousness to gradually begin to fade, leaving room for my buried longings to slowly emerge. Despite the broken relationship that had been woven with threads of duty rather than genuine affection, I wasn’t quite ready to let it disappear, any more than I would allow myself to vanish entirely.

A thought occurred to me and I stretched out my invisible hands, wondering if I could touch anything in the corporeal world while in this state. I brushed my fingertips along a bookshelf, concentrating on a small book that I tried to tug free; the volume remained stubbornly in place, not even shifting the slightest bit as my vanished hand failed to grip it.

With a sigh, I drifted to the desk and attempted to brush a piece of paper off it; again my invisible hand merely passed through it. I huffed impatiently and startled—while not a true exhale, somehow my movement had stirred the air and caused the candle to flicker. Lucien’s head lifted to frown in its direction before glancing around again.

Hope momentarily stirred and I leaned forward, willing him to notice me. I wanted to beseen, not just by anyone but byhim. As if this silent yearning possessed power, I felt my consciousness slowly take a more tangible form to become a faint shadow. By Lucien’s sudden gasp, it was just enough for him to finally be able to see me.

CHAPTER5

Lucien

There had to be a mistake, as if my longings combined with my guilt had caused me to hallucinate. I stared at the translucent image in front of me, shimmery through the slants of faded light tumbling through the window that illuminated the familiar silhouette of someone whose image I pictured daily even though I’d seen her only on rare occasions.

She can’t be real.

Yet the room contained the same sensation I’d always experienced whenever my fiancée had visited in the past—the anticipation that came from residing within the same walls rather than the usual kingdoms that separated us; even when in separate rooms, the corridors contained the promise that I could stumble upon her at any moment. My usually dormant heart pattered excitedly whenever fortune smiled kindly at me, a reaction that only occurred when around her.

Logic dictated she was truly, irrevocably gone, yet ever since learning of Lisette’s disappearance I had subconsciously searched everywhere for her. Though we knew so little about the vanishing curse, the desperation that deepened with every victim it claimed led me to believe that those it erased lingered, just out of sight. I had never needed this impossibility to be true more than when it had claimed the one person I’d been most desperate to protect.

As if my most fervent wish had been heard, unless I was mistaken an outline of her stood before me now, a phenomenon that didn’t immediately fade. I kept my gaze riveted as I slowly rose, but before I could draw closer I blinked once and she vanished, leaving nothing but the empty room. I leapt to my feet, my gaze darting around, but my search warranted nothing. After several frantic minutes of combing the entire room, I collapsed with a weary sigh and buried my face in my hands.

I must truly be going mad.

I could almost feel the process taking place as the composure I’d fought to maintain for so long slipped further from my grasp, leaving me nothing to cling to, nothing to keep me anchored in my sea of despair and self-doubt. Without anything to tether me I wouldn’t have the strength to carry the burden brought by expectation. I’d only been sustained these long months by dreaming of the day Lisette would become my wife. I had buoyed myself daily with the ever-increasing hope that with her at my side I’d have the strength to face the future; now that hope had vanished along with her.

Father’s voice filled my mind from when we’d met upon my return from discovering my fiancée’s disappearance:Princess Lisette’s fate is unfortunate, but even with this grave casualty, for the sake of our kingdom we must do all in our power to find another path forward.

I squeezed my eyes shut. Another path, one absent of the woman I’d spent years imagining would endure this treacherous journey at my side. Though my mind understood the situation, the protests of my heart whose duty was to remain reserved solely for my people acted as an obstacle.

In my meeting with Father and our advisor we’d discussed not only other possibilities for how to combat the curse but how to face the inevitable repercussions from Thorndale for the loss of their only princess. Aside from that looming threat, it would be nigh impossible to create a second arrangement with a different kingdom—my marriage contract with Princess Lisette had been created before the curse’s full power had been manifested.

With our current dire circumstances, not only was no other kingdom as foolish as the King of Thorndale had been to gamble away the life of their daughter, no other eligible princess or high-ranking noblewoman possessed what Lisette’s kingdom would bring to our marriage to help save Brimoire…nor were any of themher.

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