Page 46 of Quest

His voice wavered, revealing the hidden vulnerability I’d gradually caught glimpses of ever since the night we sat together beneath the stars, a moment that had been one of many when we’d opened up to one another and deepened our budding friendship.

His sweet words enfolded my heart, even as it cinched with the reality of the sins I bore. “How can you make such a claim despite everything? While I am honored by your faith in me, in truth I don’t deserve it.” My voice dropped to a whisper as I shrank back, but rather than retreating, Darcel stepped closer.

“Because a single instance isn’t enough to revoke my trust, especially when I myself have made plenty of mistakes during my reign as prince.” Even their mere mention seemed to weigh upon him, reminding me of the inadequacies he often alluded to. “If I hope to receive grace for my own shortcomings and perceived inadequacies, I must extend the same to others.”

He didn’t press me further, but I heard his unspoken invitation for me to turn to him and return the trust he’d extended to me with my own. I took a wavering breath. “Then there is something I must tell you.” I swallowed and lifted my anxious gaze to his.

“I sense the secret you’re keeping is a matter of great importance,” Darcel said. “I know there was something you tried to tell me after yesterday’s training, so I wanted to converse with you in private. I assure you that whatever you share will be kept in the utmost confidence.”

His implication settled over me—though he had every right to expose my secret, he was allowing me to keep it within my control. He wouldn’t coerce me into confessing; in the end it would be my choice to reciprocate the trust he had shown me. Gratitude swelled my heart, loosening my tight hold on the secret I’d kept locked away.

Standing at the crossroads between these two paths, the choice was clear—I would choose the path leading to him, but it could only be traversed if I showed him who I truly was.

Beyond the tiring deceit, the tender feelings I had developed for him acted as the guiding force behind my decision—I wanted to be myself to allow him to come to truly know me. Even if the truth caused me to lose him, he would at least know Mei: the woman who defied his royal command out of love for her father, the woman who had endured beyond her limits on a perilous quest to conquer her inadequacies and uphold her legacy, the woman who had deepened her passion and knowledge of herbalism, the woman whose trials had strengthened her character and deepened her friendships, and the woman who had sat with him beneath the stars. This was the truth of who I was, and it was time he knew it.

In the end, it wasn’t fear or force that would expose my secret, nor the exhaustion from the burden of my deceit, that made my decision—it was my love for him and need for him to know me as myself. The next step we took in our relationship wouldn’t be with my disguise as Ren; whatever came would only be between Darcel and Mei.

With this resolve I reached behind my back for the knot beneath my shirt securing the tight cloth bound around my chest that concealed my feminine form. Simultaneously, my free hand went to my topknot on my head; I tugged at both at the same time. My hair cascaded down around my shoulders as the binding fell to the ground. Hesitantly I lifted my eyes to see his reaction.

In the dimming light, his gaze first landed on the loose hair framing my face whose true appearance was still obscured by the illusion, before dropping to the coil of cloth gathered around my feet. His brow furrowed as his eyes slowly traveled upwards, pausing briefly at my chest before darting away. By his utter bewilderment he still couldn’t fully comprehend what I was showing him, as though his mind struggled to reconcile what his eyes were seeing.

My hand trembled as I lifted my lantern higher, granting it silent permission to shed its hidden light not only on my surroundings but also on the reality my magic had concealed. Lumis responded, casting its revelatory glow across my features, finally illuminating the truth that had been hidden beneath my guise.

Darcel gasped and staggered back. For a long moment he simply stared, eyes wide with disbelief as he finally sawmenot as Ren, but as my true self, Mei.

Shock rendered him silent, a rare show of fluster for a man who prided himself in maintaining control over his emotions. After an agonizing moment he finally managed to swallow the lump blocking his voice. “You’re…a woman.” Betrayal and awe filled his stunned exclamation.

At my confirming nod he advanced a hesitant step, his bulging gaze taking in my face with an intensity that made me blush. I had always wanted to be looked at in such a way by him, as a man looking at a woman. Now that I’d finally obtained my wish, he scrutinized me in a way one might logically examine a perplexing problem, absent of the tenderness I longed to receive from him.

Overcome by a strange shyness, I lowered my eyes, unable to bear the weight of his gaze any longer. “My name is Mei.”

“Mei…that name sounds familiar.” He didn’t have to consider long before he gasped in stunned recognition. “That woman at the apothecary!”

Defensiveness yanked my gaze back up. “If you’re referring to the woman who stood up to your unreasonable demands for the sake of her father, than yes, I am thatwoman from the apothecary.” I glared at him in defiance.

Annoyance flickered across his expression as the memories of our first contentious interaction resurfaced, but the emotion faded almost as quickly as it appeared. “Of course it would have to be you. My focus was so consumed with the details of the quest that I forgot that there is no record of the herbalist having a son.” Despite the tension rendered by such a revelation his lips twitched, as if tempted to smile. “You’re definitely the same troublesome woman, considering you like to make a fight out of everything. And here I believed the stubbornness you demonstrated then was a family trait, when in reality it is just one of your unique quirks.”

The banter felt familiar, as if my revelation had changed nothing…which somehow only heightened my anxiety. “I’ll embody as manyunique quirksas necessary for the sake of those I love. My father wouldn’t have survived this arduous journey. I thought if I could protect him, no one would have to know of my deception.” The explanation tumbled out in a rush before I stiffened, awaiting his judgment.

Darcel sighed. “You don’t have to rationalize your decisions; I know my demands were unreasonable. Thankfully your feisty determination didn’t allow me to get my way so easily.”

I waited for the anger I fully expected, but he only sounded weary, as if this revelation had come at the end of a very long journey neither of us had entirely realized we’d embarked on.

He tilted his head, studying my features curiously. “I still can’t believe it was you all along. How did you manage such an elaborate deception?”

“A simple illusion ointment.” I slowly lowered the lantern so that its enchantment no longer revealed my true face. Darcel looked momentarily taken aback as the disguise reflected at him instead. It was undoubtedly disconcerting to see the illusion now that he knew my real identity, so I lifted the lantern to once more cast its illuminating light across my features.

“I’m continuously amazed at the variety of spells a few herbs can concoct. You are well-versed in your trade.” The warmth from his unexpected compliment was short-lived as his disapproval I’d been awaiting with mounting foreboding took its place. “Be that as it may, I cannot approve of using your skills so dishonorably. Was a disguise truly necessary? Couldn’t you have simply asked me to take your father’s place?”

I only barely held back my disbelieving scoff. “What an astute suggestion. As I recall, I made that exact request, but a certain pigheaded royal forbade my participation in this quest. Your prejudice was what compelled me to take such drastic measures.”

He at least had the sense to look properly contrite, lowering his eyes in a show of remorse. “I suppose I did.”

“Despite your initial doubts, I’ve proved myself capable.” My look was one of challenge, daring him to deny it.

Amid his hesitation I could almost see the memories of our journey together unfolding in his mind, a play performing every interaction through the new lens of my true identity. “Everything was a lie, nothing more than masqueraded role you went against my edict to perform.”

The anger I had braced for finally surfaced as he recalled our past interactions. Despite his assurances that I could trust him with my secret, the weight of it was understandably too much for him not to feel upset. I recoiled under the intensity of his frustration, but before I could fully process the emotion, remorse softened his expression.

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