Page 109 of Woman on the Verge

“It’s always so hard to say goodbye.”

“Brutal.”

I give him one final kiss, then get in the car.

As I pull away, I start formulating a speech to Kyle, an asking-for-a-divorce speech.

Things haven’t been good with us for a while.

What if we’re both happier apart?

I want a trial separation, just to see.

Usually, I can predict Kyle’s reactions. I know him far better than he knows himself. With this, though, I’m not sure. His ego will not be happy with the rejection. He may lash out. But deep down, I think he will be relieved, whether he admits it or not. Or maybe I’m just telling myself that.

I don’t have to mention a thing about Elijah. I just have to keep it about me.

Maybe it’s grief.

Maybe we’ll separate and I’ll change my mind.

But I have to find out.

Please let me find out.

Chapter 19

Rose

February 14, 1985

Dear Diary,

It is Valentine’s Day, and I am full of love for none of the typical reasons.

I got into Cornell! With a scholarship, no less!

The acceptance packet—far more substantial than a letter—came in the mail today. The greatest valentine of all. It said,Will you be mine?And I want so badly to sayYES.

In 1956,McCall’sran an article entitled “The Mother Who Ran Away.” It became the highest single-issue sale ever. In the 1960s,Redbook’s editors asked readers to provide them with examples of “Why Young Mothers Feel Trapped,” and they received twenty-four thousand replies.

I am not the only one who feels caged.

I am not the only one who daydreams of running away.

On my recent trips to the library, I’ve been researching family structures across time and culture to understand the true importance of the mother.

In traditional Chinese families, the father’s extended family had far more say over child-rearing than the mother in the nuclear family.

Among the Cheyenne, a girl is expected to have a strained relationship with her mother and to go to her aunt for comfort and guidance.

The Zinacantecos of southern Mexico lack a word differentiating parents and children from other social groupings. They simply identify the basic unit of social and personal responsibility as ahouse.

In the Caribbean, children are raised by various people, not just their biological parents. Genetic ties do not reign supreme.

What this tells me is that Western society infuses the mother with importance and meaning (again, to keep women at home and too distracted by their maternal duties to attempt to take power from men).

What this tells me is that children don’tneeda mother in the way we think they do.

---