Page 46 of Woman on the Verge

Just as she’s wincing, chastising herself for her cheesy admission, he puts her at ease with his own.

I wish you were still here too. I keep thinking about you.

Me too

Him: I know this week is busy for you ... Can you come next weekend? Or I’ll come there

She tries to picture Elijah in her house. It’s as ludicrous as imagining a circus elephant sitting in a chair at the kitchen table.

I don’t know . . .

She does know. Or she’s supposed to know. She’s supposed to sayNo, absolutely not.But she does not say that. She lets Elijah know, with a single ellipsis, that she is considering it, or at leastconsideringconsidering it.

Him: I’ll take that as a maybe

She has the stupidest smile on her face, the kind of smile that will make her cheeks hurt if held too long.

I should really go to bed ...

Him:Ok. I hope you have sweet dreams, Kit Kat.

The stupid smile remains.

You too

He adds a heart emoji, and she sends one back. It is shamefully teenage, and the person she was two days ago would feign barfing at this type of thing. Something has happened to her, and while her rational brain tells her it’s quite catastrophic, her reckless heart, still hammering away, has a different opinion.

The next day, in the midst of her regular-life duties, the stupid smile remains on her face, and her husband says, “You’re in a good mood” with a tone of relief and hope. She has not been in a “good mood” in a while.

“I am, actually,” she tells him.

When she got into bed the night before, he was sound asleep, definitely not kept up with worry about her getting home safe and sound.

“I thought you’d be tired.”

She shrugs, as if she’s a person who has a very take-it-or-leave-it approach to sleep (she has never, ever been this person).

“I am tired, but it’s okay.”

He looks suspicious, as he should. Suspicious of the mood, skeptical of its duration. He wouldn’t suspect her of having a lover.Is that the correct term for Elijah? Alover? She likes it. It feels very French. In any case, her husband has never had a good imagination, and picturing her with a lover would require a good deal of imagination. Practically speaking, it would seem outrageous to him. When would she have the time?

She texts Elijah throughout the day, which makes the grind of her life much more tolerable, less soul crushing. Maybe this has been the answer to the drudgery—a lover. She likes going through the motions with this secret in her head. It’s similar to how she felt when she was newly pregnant, when she was walking around with a private dream growing inside her.

At the grocery store, instead of dragging her feet up and down the aisles, she nearly skips. While emptying the dishwasher, she starts humming to herself.Humming!She is more patient and forgiving toward the world, the type of woman who lets out a genuine laugh when someone steps on the heel of her shoe:Oh, whoops, no worries!

By the end of the day, she has decided that she deserves this kind of joy. She hasearnedthis kind of joy.

I was thinking ... maybe I will come see you next weekend

She could swing it. It would be fun to see Elijah one more time. This time she would be less dazed and confused, more assured. This time she would not be a woman tiptoeing into infidelity; she would be a woman launching herself into it, arms open, eyes wild.

He responds to her text with a GIF of Carlton fromThe Fresh Prince of Bel-Airdoing his happy dance, which prompts her to reply:

You’re too young to know that show

Him: Nah. Everyone knows that show. It’s a mac-and-cheese show

A mac-and-cheese show?

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