Page 92 of Woman on the Verge

He claps my dad on the back, as if they are buddies. Dad laughs, as if in agreement that they are buddies.

I leave him be, go to the kitchen table, text Elijah to make myself feel better.

Hey you. You ready for me?

Him: Very ready, indeed. How’s your dad?

Elijah knows the routine now—I drive up on Fridays, spend time with my dad, then come to see him. Not everything is a lie.

He’s not good. It’s just all moving so fast

Him: I’m sorry. I will do my best to make you feel slightly better

I’m counting on that

I go through the motions of the day, sitting with my dad, playing with the girls. Merry seems to enjoy the company, so I don’t feel muchguilt when we approach the afternoon and I say, “Are you still okay with me staying at Prisha’s tonight?”

“Oh, sure. I’ll just spoil the girls rotten, won’t I?” she says to the girls.

“Where are you going, Mommy?” Grace asks.

“I am going to visit a friend, but I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“We stay here?” she says in her baby voice, which must mean she feels like a baby, small and vulnerable. I give her a hug.

“Yes. A sleepover with Grandma Merry,” I say.

“A sleepover?”

She looks worried, but then her brows unknit, and she smiles mischievously.

“Do we get ice cream?” she asks.

Merry looks to me, and I nod.

“Of course you do,” Merry says.

“Ice cream!” Liv says, throwing her arms in the air.

“Ice cream!” Grace shouts.

Assured of their joy, I change into a maxi dress, something I bought last year, when Kyle and I were talking about a family trip to Hawaii. I pictured myself walking on the beach, effortlessly sexy, the slits in the side of the dress revealing my tanned-and-toned thighs (I also pictured mermaid waves in my hair, though my hair is stick straight and would never hold such waves). We were about to buy airfare and book a hotel—we were going to splurge for a week at the Grand Wailea—when he got a promotion at work and felt it wouldn’t “look good” to immediately take a vacation. I waited for him to resurrect the idea, but he never did.

Once I get in the car, I touch up my makeup and spray myself with perfume. The girls never see me primp. I don’t want them to be suspicious. I don’t want them to say something to Kyle like “Mommygot so pretty and then went to see her friend.” I’m hoping they don’t even mention that I left them alone with Merry for the night.

Kyle. I remember that he texted earlier, a “just checking in.” He rarely checks in.

I text him:

Hey. All fine here. Hope you’re feeling better

Then I put my phone back in my purse and start my drive to Elijah.

When Elijah opens the door, he says, “My lady,” and gives me a little bow.

“Hello, kind sir,” I say.

He closes the door behind me. I lean in to kiss him, but he backs away. “Not so fast,” he says.

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