Page 87 of House of Soot

Panic rips through me. I can’t do this without her. "But your heart?—”

"Is stronger every day, thanks to Blaise." She pauses. "Whatever you decide about him, about your future, I'll support you. Even if that means leaving Boston behind."

Tears blur my vision. All these years, I've based my decisions around her advice, her needs. The thought of choosing for myself, for my baby, feels terrifying. After all, being left to my own devices is what had me making the worst decision to trust Ronan, to trust Blaise.

"I don't know what I want," I admit.

"That's okay too. Take time to figure it out. Just know that I'm here, whatever you decide."

When we hang up, I lie on the bed, wanting to disappear. If it were just me, I might. But I have a baby to think about. My mom’s words echo through my mind.You’re a strong, intelligent woman.It’s time I took control of my life. I just need to figure out what that looks like.

34

BLAISE

Iwake the next morning feeling like shit. My shoulder burns. My heart has a hole in it where Jenna’s love used to be. I deserve all this pain.

I roll from bed and immediately get into the shower, not caring if it fucks up my bandage. When I get out, I dress and head for the coffee.

Phoenix’s place is empty. I check my phone and see that Flint is back on hospital duty. Ash messages that Jenna is fine but he won’t stay another night. Phoenix sent a message that he’s off to see O’Donnell.

That concerns me. While I can tell O’Donnell doesn’t have much respect for Hampton Kean, he had agreed to marry his daughter Hannah off to Ronan. He was at the party last night and he knows the chaos I created. Oh, and that Hannah won’t be marrying Ronan. He might not like all that.

I text Phoenix to tell me where he is and I’ll come as backup. Phoenix texts back that all is well and to meet him at the safehouse in an hour. I don’t want to go to the safehouse. I promised Jenna she wouldn’t have to see me. But Ash can’t leave her so it’s the only place we can meet.

I down several pain relievers with my coffee and check my phone for news. Weirdly, there’s nothing about Ronan’s death yet. I now wish I’d moved him out of Jenna’s cottage. I’m a little worried the Keans will try to pin his murder on her. I’ll bring it up with Phoenix and Ash when I see them.

I arrive an hour later with Ash giving me the stink eye. “I don’t know what you see in her. It’s like she’s completely oblivious?—”

“She’s sheltered and naïve.” I stop him from saying something that might have me punching him. “But she’s good and sweet and I love her, so shut your fucking mouth.”

Ash holds his hands up in surrender. “It’s your heart, Brother.”

“Yes, it is.” And it sits in a million pieces in my chest.

“Good, you’re here,” Phoenix says, joining us.

I want to see Jenna, at least ask how she is, but Ash’s comment makes me hold my tongue.

“Did you notice there’s no news about Ronan?” I say, sitting on the couch nearly in the spot Jenna did the night before. I swear I can smell her pretty floral scent.

“Yeah. I’m not sure what to think of that,” Phoenix says.

“Did you ask O’Donnell?” Ash takes a seat at the dining table just off the living area to clean his gun.

“He seemed a bit entertained by Ronan’s panicked shouts of an Ifrinn in the house. It was all his mother could do to calm the crowd, especially when Hampton wouldn’t let anyone leave. He didn’t mention Ronan’s demise, so he must have not known before he left last night, and the Keans aren’t telling.”

I think about that for a moment. “Do you suppose they haven’t found him?”

“I don’t know. Could be they don’t want it out that we’re back right when they’re trying to reassert their power.” Phoenix goes to stand by the window and sips his coffee.

“I’m worried they’ll try to pin it on Jenna.”

Ash laughs, but I send him a look before he can say anything.

“No. That will make them look even weaker.” Phoenix looks at us with a sinister smile. “They’re shitting their pants, my brothers. They know at least one of us is back. They have to be wondering if we’re all back, and that’s got to terrify them.”

Ash grins, a rare thing. “I wish I could see that.”

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