Page 38 of Poison Aches

I’ve disappointed and hurt my brother once before.

After that, I swore I’d never do it again.

But years later, here I am, disappointing him and Grammy all over again because I’m an dumb.

I can’t do anything right.

I fail at simple things.

And I’m a liar.

“Ivy, sweetheart,” Samuel starts, ready to give me yet another pep talk. “This isn’t a big deal at all, okay? No matter what’s on the other side of those results, you’re still a brilliant, intelligent, amazing young lady who will do incredible things in the world. Those results don’t define you…”

I try my best to hang on to the familiar words my brother has recited to me three times before…when I failed the MCATs each time.

My throat begins to burn. A clammy feeling takes root in my chest.

I know I’m going to cry.

Who fails the MCATs all three times in a single testing year? Me, that’s who.

An individual can only take the MCATs seven times in their lifetime, and here I am sitting on three down, severely hesitating to find out the results of the fourth try.

My brother has been at the top of all his classes…WITHOUT STUDYING AT ALL!

My grandfather was rumored to be at the top of his med school class at Johns Hopkins. In fact, he was personally handpicked by several schools that wanted him.

Grammy aces everything. She doesn’t need a calculator to do complex math.

I’m the only pariah in the family.

Stupid, pathetic and cursed.

“Ivy!” Samuel snaps, bringing me back to reality.

“Huh?”

“Are you zoned out again?”

I fall silent.

The thing about me? I’m almost always get stuck in my head. And my brother knows it.

“No!”

Samuel sighs again. “You know what, I’m kinda busy. How about you let me know when you’re ready to pull some courage?”

Oh God.

As he says that, I get simultaneous texts from my friends, Astraea and Kim, both asking how I did.

A familiar feeling strikes my heart.

I clutch my chest, feeling the burn as I read the texts.

“I passed,” I choke out.

The two seemingly innocent words fly out of my mouth before I can stop them.

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