Page 89 of Poison Aches

“And, you, don’t think I don’t know the real reason why you chose to study Psychology. You wanted to understand for yourself the decisions your mother made, to undo the hurt from all the times you misunderstood her in a way that you grew up resenting her and feeling like she never loved you. That alone shows me you’re determined to not make the same mistakes and you want to live this fucking life to the fullest.”

I look between the two of them.

Most things we don’t really rehash anymore, because why talk about the almost overdosing, the almost drowning, and the many traumas over the years?

Those are all pains.

Those are results of heartbreaks and disappointment, but they’re also survival scars.

“I’ve watched both of you, been with you, and I know you’re both putting in the work to heal, so stop with that nonsense. Anything that makes you feel like you can’t do this anymore is either a lie or a bad memory,” I say firmly. “Lies we can cancel out immediately because we know the truth. As for the bad memories? We can simply drown them out with the good.”

When Knight is done burping, I hold him up, smiling up at him despite myself.

“Isn’t this all part of the good? All of us, here, having some well-deserved peace for once?” I ask, my voice catching at the end. “We lost Casey but she’s now a glowing star in the sky, watching over us together with my grandpa. Laura is killing it, experimenting shit we’ve never heard of before because we’re all dumb compared to her. Baby Claire is now talking, and she just started ballet,” I say, referring to Astraea’s niece, George’sdaughter. “And look at the mighty Knight King! Look at how he’s growing so beautifully!”

I coo at Knight until he starts giggling, with his chubby fists against his equally chubby cheeks.

“And lastly, you two overthinking heifers, look at yourselves! You’re all here. Isn’t this good? The rest we can figure out later, the fuck are you being anxious for?”

When nothing but silence greets me, I look up, only to see that sometime during my lengthy, emotional speech, the room filled up.

Alex King and Noah Montreal are now here, and together with a teary-eyed Raea and Kim, they’re all watching me.

If my blush were visible, I’d die twice from embarrassment, but thank God for my brown skin!

“You’re so right, Ivy my darlin’,” Noah speaks first, with a rare solemn look on his face as he looks tenderly at his fiancée, Kim. “We should focus on the good. The rest we can figure out later.”

“Dr. Ivy Marie Irving,” King says while looking at his wife, Astraea, then back at me. “You’re both wise and a much-needed breath of fresh air.”

I stare at him, almost stunned.

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph! A compliment from Knight King’s father? Is the sky falling?” I gasp.

“Blasphemy! I always compliment you!” he says as if offended, but his eyes are smiling.

“With snide remarks and a cold face! It always looks like you’re cursing me out!”

“Like he could disrespect you and still breathe,” Noah says with a chuckle. “He’d be put out like a dog.”

The room bursts out in laughter.

George and his family are not here tonight. Apparently, no one knows where they went but there are still some things we just ignore.

Just as I start relaxing, naively thinking I’ve escaped the scrutiny, Astraea asks the hard question. “So you’ve decided? You’re now clear?”

The room falls silent as all eyes track back to me.

The thing is, my life, as boring and pathetic as it’s been, has always been predictable.

Everyone in this room in a way knows what Astraea’s question means.

The sickening thing about unrequited love is that it’s as plain as day—not just for the one who feels it, but to everyone around as well, including the people you wish would rather be blind to it.

And sadly, that includes the subject of such torturous, pathetic feelings.

And that’s the part that hurts most.

Not just because of the embarrassment but because the person you can’t seem to get over, the person you imagine giving you forehead kisses, holding your hand, loving you as intensely as you desire to be loved,that personis fully aware of your feelings but they just don’t give a damn.

---