Page 84 of What Happens in Paradise

‘So, are you having a good time?’ I asked.

The real question I wanted to ask was whether what happened between us last night and this morning meant she had changed her mind about us just hooking up for the weekend, but I did not want to come on too strong and scare her.

‘I’m having the time of my life! I’m in paradise, walking along a beautiful beach, with a gorgeous man who should be entered into theGuinness Book of Recordsfor delivering the most orgasms in…’ she looked at her watch ‘…in a twelve-hour period. I have no idea how you’re so good!’

‘I am glad that I satisfied you.’ I smiled, feeling ten feet tall.

‘But seriously though, how are you so good? Did you go to some sort of female-pleasure masterclass or is it because you’ve slept with lots of women?’ She laughed and my face fell.

I sucked in a breath, taking in the fresh, salty sea air. Her question caught me off guard.

‘No. I have not slept with a lot of women.’

‘I find that hard to believe! I’ve seen the way they throw themselves at you. Like Kadesha did at breakfast.’

‘I have not dated anyone for years. And before that, I was in a relationship for almost three years.’

‘Really?’ Her eyes widened.

‘Sí.’

‘Why did you break up?’

My stomach clenched. I paused and my gaze dropped to the sand as I tried to build up the strength to tell her. Even two years later, I still found it difficult to talk about.

‘She…’ I swallowed the lump in my throat.

Jasmine stopped walking and stood in front of me, her face etched with concern.

‘It’s okay.’ She squeezed my hand. ‘You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I find it difficult sometimes to talk about my divorce, so I know how hard break-ups can be. Forget I asked.’

‘We did not break up,’ I said and Jasmine frowned. ‘She… died.’

Jasmine’s jaw dropped and her eyes bulged.

‘Oh my God!’ She put her hand over her mouth. ‘I am so sorry!’ Jasmine threw her arms around my back and squeezed me tight. My body melted into hers.

Now that I had told her, it was actually a relief. No one at work knew and the closer I got to Jasmine, somehow it felt like I was carrying a secret that weighed heavy on my shoulders. Telling her about an important part of my past felt right.

It was hard enough when people asked about my parents. But telling them I had lost my girlfriend too only made things even more difficult.

There was even a time that I blamed myself. When I wondered if I somehow made bad things happen to those around me.

When I mentioned this to Lola, she insisted that was not true, explaining that if it was, that meant she was also to blame because she was close to Freya too.

In the end, I realised that this was just life. We loved and we lost. And when things happened, both good and bad, often they were out of our control.

It was a shame that knowing that did not lessen the pain.

I pulled away, then sat on the sand. Jasmine positioned herself in front of me and took my hands in hers.

‘Her name was Freya. It was a skiing accident,’ I said, knowing that it was natural that she would want to know what happened. ‘She loved to ski. Her family went every year since they were kids. I was supposed to go with her, but I got a last-minute opportunity to work at a great hotel in London, which was where we were living at the time. She was the reason I moved to London. Freya was my sister’s best friend. They were the same age. They went to uni together.’

‘Oh,’ Jasmine said and I realised that I was just vomiting random sentences. I was just so used to the questions people often asked, like how we met and why I moved to London, that I just started listing off all the responses at once.

‘Anyway, so I was supposed to go with her and I did not. If I was there, maybe I could have done something. I could have saved her.’ A sharp pain shot through my chest.

‘I’m sure it wouldn’t have changed things,’ Jasmine said softly. ‘Her family were there. They would’ve done everything they could. And although I didn’t know her, I’m sure Freya wouldn’t want you to carry around that kind of guilt. She’d want you to live your life.’

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