Page 109 of Chasing You

“Leo—”

“Am I wrong?”

I roll my eyes again. I’m not about to admit that Marina wasn’t kidding about christening every room in this house, and we’ve only been here for a few days. “No, you’re not wrong.”

“So what’s stopping you?” I just sigh, leaning my elbows on the bench top. “Talk to me, man.”

I look over to see everyone gathered in the living room, all of them picking from the plate of brownies they’re passing around. They look happy, she looks happy. But I can’t help the whisper of guilt in the back of my head, and Leo is the one person I’ve been able to talk to here who I feel like won’t judge me. He’ll question me and talk to me straight, but he won’t judge me.

“I can’t imagine going back now,” I say, admitting it out loud for the first time. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to give this upfor endless nights spent away, and silence that is so fucking loud I have to play music at all times.”

“Then don’t.”

“Those words make it seem easy, but…”

He rests his chin in his hand. “What is it that makes it hard for you, Miles? Because it doesn’t sound like it’s what you want, but it’s like you feel like it’s what youshouldwant.”

I shake my head. “I’m not sure that I know exactly who I am if I’m not a pilot. That sounds pathetic?—”

“No, it doesn’t,” Leo cuts me off. “It’s all you’ve known for a really long time. But,” he tips his head. “Maybe it’s time you figure it out, who you are when all of that is stripped away.” And then he saunters into the living room like he didn’t just say that.

chapter forty-five

MARINA

PRESENT

The soundof glass clinking echoes through the house as Miles walks around the living space, collecting all of the empty beer bottles from our makeshift housewarming party last night.

I yawn as I stand at the sink, rinsing the dishes and stacking them in the dishwasher next to me.

Last night ended up being a late one. Isla and I got slightly more tipsy than we had intended, and when I tipped out a puzzle on the wooden floor at midnight, we spent way too long trying to get our drunk brains to comprehend what we were looking at.

“Tired this morning?” Miles asks from where he’s picking up a rogue puzzle piece off the floor.

“I slept enough,” I say. It was past ten by the time we were out of our plush king mattress that’s currently plonked in the middle of the bedroom floor. “But yeah.” My body is still getting used to being on birth control. I might be overthinking it and imagining differences in the way I feel. But the one thing that hasn’t changed is just how much I want to get my hands under Miles’s clothes.

“This might sound bad,” Miles says as he comes to standbehind me, resting his hands on my hips, “but you look fucking amazing in this kitchen.”

“Oh yeah?” I say, leaning back against his shoulder, before realising it’s the wrong shoulder. “Oh, shit! I’m so sorry!” I spin around in his arms but he’s just smiling down at me.

“Didn’t even feel it,” he says.

Miles has his last physical therapy appointment later today, it’s the one where they will either clear him for work or not. But there’s no reason that they won’t. Miles’s recovery has gone so smoothly, it’s surprised everyone.

That means today is the day I’ll find out if he’s going back to work or not. I hope the day drags out, because I’m not sure if I want to know.

I’m not sure if I can handle knowing that he bought this house for us just for me to spend half of my nights all alone in here.

But anything is better than not having Miles in my life at all. If he wants to go back to his job, then that’s what he should do, as long as I know that he’s flying home to me. I might have to get a guinea pig or something to keep me company.

He slides his palm across my cheek, holding my head in his hand. He’s looking down at me like he’s trying to read me, and I realize that for as much as I’ve been expecting him to open up to me, I haven’t done much of it myself. I haven’t stood here and told him how desperately I want him to stay, how much I love that he bought this house for us, and how much I want to make it a home with him. Putting my heart on the line feels risky, and I don’t know if it will make any difference to his decision, but I wouldn’t forgive myself if I let him go without saying it.

“I love you, Miles.”

The tired look in his eyes is quickly replaced by a shine, like he’s surprised those words just left my mouth.

“I didn’t mean to just blurt it out the other day,” he says. “There should’ve been flowers and doves and I don’t know… A string quartet.” A smile curls my lips as I listen to him ramble. “I didn’t mean for it to feel so casual, because what I feel for you, princess, is anything but casual.”

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