Page 86 of Chasing You

I lay down beside her, surprised when I see just how clear the night sky is above us. “Wow.”

“Right?” She shifts beside me, our heads mere inches apart. “This is why I like to come out here.”

“It’s beautiful,” I say.

It’s so clear you can see every star glinting in the sky. It feels like you’re looking at the whole galaxy.

I can see why a place like this helps Marina clear her head. It’s almost like it puts everything into perspective.

There is so much going on all around us—even above us. We are such a small part of this world, of this universe, and we only get one shot at this life.

Our lives are just a fleeting moment, like a star shooting across the sky, we have to make the most of it. Live it to the fullest and all of those other adult inspirational sayings.

As I sit here staring up at the sky, I can't say that is how I've lived my life. I can’t tell myself that I've embraced every moment, taken every good thing, and cherished it. I find myself wishing I had.

I feel like I've spent the last twenty-nine years walking around with blinders on, focusing on one thing and one thing only, whenin reality, life is so much more than one thing—at least it should be.

I can’t help but wonder if this injury is exactly what the universe had planned for me. If it's the world telling me to slow down, to look around me and see what I’ve been blind to for all this time.

“Having an existential crisis over there?” Marina’s voice breaks through my thoughts.

I exhale a laugh. “Just a little bit.”

“This place does that.” She shuffles closer to me, her head resting just above my shoulder. “Sometimes I leave feeling so much better, and other times I leave filled with a head full of spiralling thoughts.”

My right arm is laying across my body, my sling holding it in place with my hand just above my heart, and I can feel it beating in my chest, far slower now than it was in the car. It’s a steady rhythm, and in this moment it feels like a reminder that it’s still there, just waiting to be full again.

“I thought you might need a quiet moment too,” she whispers.

I think this might be exactly what I needed, even if I didn't know it. I tip my head down an inch, my cheek resting on the top of her head. “Thank you.”

We are quiet for a while, but it doesn’t feel awkward, or uncomfortable, or like one of us needs to fill the silence. It feels comforting.

I think I've always felt that way around Marina—comfortable. Maybe that's why I was able to be so bold just a day after meeting her by kissing her senseless in her bar. I think she’s always felt that way with me too, and maybe that’s why she kissed me back.

But we've always felt at peace in each other’s company. It’s something I don't think I've ever shared with someone else, at least not so quickly. It feels nice to fall back into that comfortability, even if things are different now.

“Can I ask you something?” she says quietly.

“Of course you can.”

She’s quiet for a second, like she’s contemplating whether she really wants to ask it. “How can any of this work?” she whispers. “How canwework?”

The question makes me pause. I wasn’t expecting it from her right now, not after her suggestion that we start as friends. I know I've been pushing that boundary, but I have had no idea what’s been going on in that head of hers.

“I thought we were just friends?” I say. She pushes her head up into mine and I just chuckle before settling back into her.

“I know that you said things will be different this time, but how can they be? Nothing has changed.”

“I’ve changed.” The words fall from my tongue before I can think twice.

Marina sits up, spinning around until she’s leaning on her forearms and looking down at me. “What do you mean?”

I don’t know how to explain it, it’s just a feeling.

I take a deep breath before attempting to put it all into words. “I didn’t know what I wanted back then. All I knew was how hard I had worked for the life I was living, and that's what I clung to. That's what I used to justify my leaving, even after the fact.” I force myself to hold her gaze while I talk, letting her see the raw vulnerability in my gaze. “But I didn’t realize that the life I was living was so dull until you weren’t in it anymore.”

She doesn’t speak, as if she doesn’t want to pull me off whatever track I'm following. She just nods, signalling for me to carry on as she watches me intently, her hands cradling her chin.

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