Page 87 of Chasing You

“I’m not pretending that I have all of the answers now, because I don't. But I know more now than I did then.”

“Like what?” she breathes.

I take another breath before looking up at the sky. My heartbeat under my palm is far quicker than it was earlier. “I think that maybe I've just been floating through life, you know? Just following the path that was set out for me and never straying. But you made me want to stray, and I think for the first time in awhile, I felt alive.” It sounds stupid when I say it out loud, but I know she’ll understand me.

“That scared me back then, I didn't know what to do with it,” I say. “But now, I want to chase that feeling, I want to chase you, because you’re the thing that makes me feel that way. You make me feel alive.”

I finally look back over at her and see the single tear sliding down her face that she quickly wipes away.

“I don’t know what it means for my job—right now I’m stuck without one anyway. All I know is that I can’t go back to the life I was living. I can’t let you go, not ever again.”

chapter thirty-six

MARINA

PRESENT

“Okay, try that one.”I slide a drink across the bar.

“You might have to put me in that basket on the front of your bike to get me home after this, I don’t think it’s safe to drive after…how many does this one make it? Five cocktails?” Miles says before he takes a sip of his drink.

“You’ll be fine,” I say. “You’ve got enough body mass, the alcohol probably doesn’t affect you one bit.”

He smirks and I realize I just boosted his ego without meaning to. “Thanks, princess.”

“Yeah,” I mutter.

The more time I spend with Miles, the more I hate myself.

I hate myself because I love spending time with him and I am finding it so hard to keep pretending like I’m not.

I know I don’t have to do that, pretend like I’m not enjoying his company, but I don’t want to admit it.

I’ve spent every other day with Miles over the last few weeks, and with every smile he throws my way, my resolve crumbles.

I nearly gave in a few nights ago when we were under thestars, when he opened up to me. I nearly leaned down to kiss him, nearly told him we could work this all out, but I stopped myself.

I feel like I’m letting myself down in some fucked up way. Like I’m setting myself up for failure. Letting the man who left me right back into my life like it was nothing, but I just can’t help it. Every day spent with him is like a drug; I always want just one more.

It was always so effortless with him, so easy. Our personalities just fit like puzzle pieces, and that hasn’t faded with time, even when so much has changed between us.

He goes quiet on the other side of the bar while I mix up a new cocktail silently, my thoughts loud around me. I mix it up in the shaker before pouring it out into a new glass. “There.”

Miles looks up at me, concerned. “I haven’t even finished this one.”

“You can finish it after,” I push the new one towards him.

Caio asked me last week if I could run the bar at The Ruby Cove Business Convention this year. It’s something he does every year, more as a town get-together than anything else. Usually, I attend, but this year the team that ran the bar and catering services dropped out, and I couldn’t say no to my cousin.

Miles shakes his head but does what I say, he’s never been able to say no to me, and as he takes a sip of the new drink, I remember the ways I used to take advantage of that.

“Fuck!” A cough interrupts my thoughts. “How much tequila did you put in this?”

A laugh bubbles out of me as Miles pulls a face and puts the glass back on the bar, pushing it back over to me.

“Jesus fuck,” he coughs. I laugh again, a snort slipping out.

Miles goes still, looking at me with wonder.

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