Page 95 of Chasing You

It’s a nice house. More than a nice house. Well worth the two million it’s going for, with its unmatched view, the gigantic pendants, and expensive finishings, but something isn’t right.

“The kitchen, I don’t know… She wouldn’t like it,” I mumble mindlessly.

“Who wouldn’t like it?” Isla says, her tone picking up in octave as she comes to stand beside me.

Shit, I didn’t mean to say that out loud.

“Miles,” she says, her intense stare forcing my gaze towards her. “Are you buying this house for Marina?”

I just look at her, not having a yes or no answer. Marina and I are in a spot where we're still calling each other friends, but we both know that’s not what it is.

I’m still working to show her that I’m not going to let her down again, and she’s learning to trust me again. I don’t know if it’s working, no matter how hard I am trying to prove to her that she should. I don’t know if we’ll ever step off the rocky terrain we’re currently balancing on.

I don’t answer my sister, instead turning around and walking through the house until I reach the staircase. I sigh as I sit down on the third stair up, finally meeting my sister's troubled gaze once more. “I don’t know what to do, Isla.”

She tips her head, her lips downturned as she walks over to me. “What’s going on in that thick skull of yours?”

I chuff a halfhearted laugh as she sits down on the floor in front of me, leaning back against the wall. “So many things.” I hang my head in my hands.

“Do we need another sibling therapy session?” she teases and it pulls a heartier laugh out of me.

“I think we do.”

Isla places a delicate hand on my knee. “What’s going on?”

I pull my head out of my hands so I can look at Isla as I talk to her. “I’ve been trying my hardest to show Marina she can trust me, to be there for her, but it is so hard, Isla.”

She just nods. “I know.”

“It’s not hard to be there for her, it’s not hard to show up for her and show her I’m here. But it’s hard to pretend like it’s not taking everything out of me not to be closer to her. We had this moment yesterday,” I shake my head. “And in that moment, I realized just how deeply I hurt her. Just how much I affected her, and it was horrible, Isla. It was so horrible to see her like that, and it’s all because of me, because of one stupid choice I made. It gutted me.”

“Miles,” concern sits heavy in the lines between her eyebrows, “I don’t know what to say.”

“There is nothing to say,” I throw my hand out, exasperated. “That’s the thing. It was my fuck up, it still is. I can’t blame anyone else for how I feel, let alone how she feels. And that’s awful. To know you are the reason for someone else’s pain.” I scrub a hand over my jaw. “I never wanted to be the kind of person that does that, but I am.”

“No, you’re not,” Isla says firmly.

“Yes, I am,” I chirp back. “I hurt her, Isla. There’s no pretending that away.”

“You’re right. You hurt her. You made one terrible mistake years ago and you hurt her. But that doesn’t make you the kind of person who hurts people.” Her eyes soften as she looks at me sitting here on this staircase, broken. “One mistake doesn’t have to define you. Don’t let it, Miles.”

“All I want to do is be close to her, to touch her, to kiss her, to be like how we used to be. But I know she’s not ready for that, I know it could ruin all the work I’m putting in, but god, it’s so hard.”

“You know, as much as she’s hurt, I can’t imagine she’s feeling that different to you. As much as she’s hurt, that ache is probablystill there just the same. At least I know it would be if I was in her shoes.”

I just nod.

“Oh my god. I meant if that was me with Caio, not you—you know—you get what I’m saying,” she rambles.

I just laugh, feeling a little bit lighter after talking things out with her. “I know what you mean, Isla.”

“Okay, good.” I feel a buzzing in my pocket as she nods. I pull it out to see Dad’s contact on my screen. It’s a photo of the two of us standing together at a golf course down in Florida.

To the naked eye, we look happy, I'm sure that's what he sees when he looks at this picture, but I can’t help but notice the tension in my shoulders, even with my arm around him, and the way that my smile doesn’t reach my eyes.

“Avoiding their calls, are you?” Isla asks as I let the phone ring, holding it between us.

“I don’t know what to say,” I shake my head, “but if I don’t say much, that just leaves the floor open for their endless suggestions and lectures, and I don’t think I have the mental capacity for it right now, Isla. I don't know when I ever will again.”

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