Page 18 of The Only Shot that Mattered

“Someone’s got a crush,” Jendaya sang, breaking him out of his trance.

Damien didn’t even bother arguing with her because she knew him well enough to know what she was talking about, and as always, his baby mama was spot on.

“And you didn’t gethis number?” Ruth, Kenna’s mother, asked as they sat at the table eating brunch.

Her mother’s house felt like home to her, since it was where she grew up. Ruth’s only condition in the divorce was that she got to keep the house. Kenna’s father, George, seemed to be just fine with that since he planned to move out of state.

For Ruth, the house could never be parted with because Rashad had been there. The house held the memory of him. It was in the markings on the wall of Kenna and Rashad’s heights, his stopping at the age of fourteen, frozen in time. The broken wood on the third stair from the bottom where he fell and chipped it, breaking his leg in the process when he was only ten. His room was still the same, completely untouched, as if he might come back at any moment. Kenna secretly thought those were all the reasons her father needed to get away.

Kenna shrugged. “You know I don’t really do all that, Ma.”

She was so embarrassed by how she ran out of that man’s house the night before, but she didn’t know how to gracefully end the night on good terms. The last thing she wanted was to feel so stupid, but here she was…

“Do all what, girl?” Ruth asked. Ruth James-Arlington had aged beautifully. Her smooth light skin, long curly brown hair, and freckled face remained timeless with not even a gray hair in sight.

Kenna stayed silent for a moment as she picked at the eggs on her plate. “Ask for numbers… date?”

Ruth laughed warmly before covering her daughter’s hand with hers. They sat in silence for a few seconds while Kenna looked at her plate and Ruth looked at her daughter.

Kenna thought about Damien. The night before, she had awkwardly gotten through dinner while stealing glances at him… often. Every time she looked at him, he was already looking at her. She wasn’t so green that she didn’t know he was feeling her. The issue was she didn’t know what to do with that information.

Damien seemed different than most men, not that she had much experience. The last time she had gotten close to a straight man was in high school. Her ex-boyfriend who took her virginity junior year. They had sex and went out on dates for a few months before he dumped her. She hadn’t dated since, and not even a year later, the biggest trauma of her life happened. Her mother’s next words mirrored the road her thoughts were heading down.

“You’ve never moved on from that day, you know?”

Kenna stiffened as she continued to avoid her mother’s eye contact. The crazy part was, she really wanted to move on from that day. She wanted to shed the anxiety, fear, and paranoia that plagued her every day. She wanted to date. Hell, the night before, when she said her goodbyes to Damien, she wanted to be bold and ask for his number, but the thought of what road thatmight lead her down stopped her. She wasn’t cut out to date a celebrity. End of story.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Mama.”

They ate in silence for a few moments before Ruth spoke again. “You know, I always wished I could have swapped places with you. What you went through… no child should have gone through that. I know back then you thought you were grown?—”

“Grown grown,” Kenna interrupted with a faint smile.

Ruth grinned sadly. “Right, but you weren’t.” When Kenna shook her head, agreeing wholeheartedly, Ruth continued. “Your brother… seeing him in that way.” She closed her eyes tightly. “I can’t imagine what that was like for you. I try. I try to understand so I can sympathize with you on the highest level and understand the way that day shaped you, but no matter how hard I try, I will never truly understand.

“God knows I walked away with my own trauma after that day, but it was nothing like what you went through, and I’ve had to accept that nobody would ever be able to understand unless they were there. That’s why I’m so thankful you have Cam. Lord knows I love that boy.”

Kenna smiled softly. “And he loves you too.”

Ruth squeezed Kenna’s fingers. “I say all that to say… please forgive my ignorance when I say this, but baby, you have got to start living again. You have to move on.”

Kenna’s eyes found her plate again, which was practically empty. “You got all that from me not getting a famous basketball player’s number?”

“Yeah, because the Kenna I used to know way back when might have been shy, but she definitely would shoot her shot. Ain’t that what y’all say?”

“Oh my God, Mama.” Kenna giggled. Her mother always knew how to brighten her spirit. She wondered how she managed to do that. After Rashad died, Kenna found it hard tobrighten her own spirit, let alone anyone else’s. Her mom had lost a son but managed to keep living and keep brightness in their lives. If it hadn’t been for Ruth, Kenna knew she would have been in a deep depression and unable to ever come out. Her mother and Cam truly saved her.

That thought made something click within her. They had done the most to make sure she lived. Not just survived but had a good life and memories to hold on to. What good was she doing with those precious gifts they had given her if she wasn’t going to live to her fullest potential? The thought terrified her, but everything in her wanted to do right by the people she loved most.

“I’m just saying. You fumbled that one.”

Kenna giggled. “On that note.” She stood from the table. “Are you finished?”

Ruth nodded, and Kenna took their plates into the kitchen. While she rinsed them off so she could put them in the dishwasher, she thought about Damien. She knew without her mother telling her that she fumbled that big time, and she had been kicking herself since last night.

Her thoughts scattered when she heard the front door open and close and a deep voice sound from the dining room. David was her mother’s husband. They got married five years ago, and Kenna loved him for her mom. Their love made her realize that true love and second chances at happiness were real. Her parents had true love before Rashad died, but trauma like that could change people. Kenna had learned to be okay with that change over the years, but she realized that she had also become complacent in it. She idolized her mother because she never allowed her pain to keep her from having everything she wanted in life.

After placing the dishes in the dishwasher, Kenna took the liberty of making David a plate. She and her mom often cookedbrunch together on Sundays. Really, her mom cooked, and Kenna fetched the things her mother needed and watched. She wasn’t much of a cook.

---