Page 11 of Knot My Wonderland

“I got the greasy ones you like,” she said, tossing me a wrapped sandwich. “And extra napkins because you eat like a raccoon in distress.”

“Thanks,” I muttered, already peeling it open. The smell alone made me weak. We settled on the kitchen floor like we always did when the table felt like too much pressure. I curled up against a cabinet, the cold linoleum seeping through my thin socks. Mara leaned back on her palms, legs stretched out in front of her,

The first bite of the sandwich was so good I could’ve cried. Egg and cheese melted perfectly together, the bacon crisp without being burnt. The kind of breakfast that made you feel human again.

“You look like you either didn’t sleep or solved the meaning of life in your dreams,” Mara said around a mouthful of her own sandwich.

I shrugged. “I don’t think I did either. Just laid there, mostly.”

She nodded like she got it. “Yeah. You get that weird kind of tired where rest doesn’t fix anything?”

“Exactly.” We ate in silence for a while, the kind that didn’t feel heavy. Just two people occupying space. My apartment was still dim, warm from the heating unit rattling in the wall, and smelling faintly like coffee and candle smoke.

Eventually, Mara broke the quiet. “So… your mom still pushing the mixer?”

I groaned, leaning my head back against the cabinets. “Like it’s the most important thing in the universe. I know having pack bonds are important…but I don’t want a bond just because it is the thing to do without any emotion behind it.”

I set down my sandwich, suddenly not as hungry. "It's like they think I'm broken or something because I haven't found an Alpha yet. Like I'm this puzzle piece that doesn't make sense on its own."

Mara snorted, crumpling her wrapper with more force than necessary. "That's bullshit. You're not a puzzle piece. You're a whole damn picture."

I smiled faintly, picking at a loose thread on my sock. "Try telling my mom that. She keeps sending me these articles about 'Omega fulfillment through bonding' and 'the biological imperative of pack structure.'"

"God, that sounds like propaganda from the nineteen fifties." Mara muttered, leaning back against the fridge. Her eyes found mine, steady and certain. "You know it's okay to want what you want, right? Even if it doesn't match what they want for you."

I sighed, wrapping my arms around my knees. "I know that. Logically, I do. But there's this part of me that keeps thinking maybe they're right. Maybe I'm just... fighting what's natural."

Mara's expression hardened slightly. "There's nothing unnatural about wanting to choose your own path, Alice."

"But what if—"

"No," she cut me off firmly. "No what-ifs. You're not wrong for wanting more than what they're offering."

I stared at the crumpled wrapper between us, feeling something twist in my chest—not pain exactly, but something close to it. "Sometimes I feel like I'm waiting for something that doesn't exist."

Mara was quiet for a moment, her fingers tapping a thoughtful rhythm against her knee. "Maybe," she finally said, "or maybe you're waiting for the right thing to find you."

I glanced up, catching something in her expression I couldn't quite name. A flicker of something raw before it disappeared behind her usual easy smile.

"Since when did you get so philosophical?" I teased, trying to lighten the sudden weight in the air.

Mara shrugged, the corner of her mouth lifting. "I contain multitudes, Alice. Deep thoughts and questionable coffee choices."

I laughed, and the tension eased. We finished our breakfast in comfortable silence, the morning light growing stronger through the kitchen window, painting golden squares across the linoleum.

"So," Mara said eventually, gathering our trash with practiced efficiency, "what's the plan for today? More academic torture? Or are we staging a rebellion?"

"Unfortunately, I have classes until three," I said, stretching my arms overhead until my shoulders popped. "Then I plan to relax and do my homework since tomorrow is my full free day….I think I am going to go hike and clear my head a bit.”

"Hike?" Mara asked, eyebrows lifting in mild surprise as she tossed our wrappers into the trash. "You going up to Raven's Ridge again?"

I nodded, pushing myself up from the floor and leaning against the counter. "Yeah. There's this trail that branches off the main path. Not a lot of people know about it."

"The one that goes along the cliff edge?" Mara frowned slightly. "Isn't that the one you said gets slippery when it rains?"

"It'll be fine," I said, waving away her concern. "It hasn't rained that much lately."

Mara gave me a skeptical look but didn't push it. "Want company? I could bring my sketchbook." For a moment, I considered it. Mara was easy company, never demanding conversation when silence felt better. But I wanted time to myself and think.

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