Page 9 of Possessive Cowboy

I think about this.

“No,” I say. “I don’t know. Maybe? I guess it’s just that, when I woke up beside him this morning, I felt like I wanted more. More than just a hookup. I think I might be ready to date again, Abby. Like, really ready.”

She nods.

“And last night made you realize that?”

“Yeah,” I reply. “I mean, last night was fun. Unbelievable, really. ;I didn’t know sex could be that good! But it also felt empty, waking up to Mav and knowing that no matter what, it could never be more than that between us. That he found me on an app based on photos of my tits and ass and that he doesn’t even see me as dating material, just this anonymous sex buddy to use and then forget.”

“Ouch,” Abby winces.

“I’m not trying to be dramatic,” I shrug. “I mean, it’s not his fault. We both knew what the situation was going into it. I thought that I could handle it emotionally but…I don’t know. Maybe I needed to do something like last night to realize that it’s not for me. And now I know.”

“Now you know,” Abby nods. “And you also realized you’re ready to date again. That’s huge, Raina.”

“It is,” I reply, thinking of the months of agony after my breakup with John, the sleepless nights, feeling so numb and so skeptical of anything remotely resembling love or connection to the opposite sex.

“Okay. So. Now that we’ve discussed that, tell me everything about the sex. Spare no detail.”

“It’s ten in the morning,” I groan.

“And? Come on now, take pity on me. I haven’t gotten laid in forever.”

“Whose fault is that?” I counter. “Go out and find yourself a hookup on the Hush app if you’re so desperate for dick!”

“I told you,” she rolls her eyes. “I’m saving myself for Levi.”

“Not this again,” I sigh, getting up from the table to pour myself another cup.

“Levi and Abby,” she continues in a dreamy voice. “It has a nice ring to it. If we got married, my name would be Abigail Henderson. It justflows.”

“Sure,” I say. “Abigail goes well with lots of last names, though. Not just Henderson.”

She frowns at me when I return to the table.

“You think I’m delusional, don’t you?”

“A bit,” I shrug. “But I thought you were delusional long before this obsession with Levi ever entered the picture. He’s just the latest thing.”

“He’s perfect,” she says with a shrug. “And we’re meant to be together. He just doesn’t know it yet.”

“You’ve been saying that ever since you moved back to Faith,” I point out.

“Because it’s the truth,” she says, her voice determined. “It’s just that Levi is too hard-headed to realize. But I’ll make him see the truth eventually.”

“You seem so sure of yourself,” I say. “I don’t know whether I envy you or…”

I don’t finish the sentence. I was about to sayor feel sorry for youbut I don’t want to rain on Abby’s good mood. Besides…if she thinks this thing with the grumpy cowboy she met at the grocery store is meant to be, who am I to tell her she’s wrong? I don’t know the first thing about love or fate or anything like that.

My luck in thelovedepartment has never been too good.

“One day maybe you’ll feel this sure about something,” Abby continues. “And then you’ll understand what I’m going through.”

I nod, but I don’t believe it. Abby really is delusional at times, with a childlike sense of faith and wonder, the belief that things will simply work themselves out. Even when her mother passed away suddenly from late stage breast cancer, Abby kept her faith, believing that all things – even sad things like the death of a parent – happen in life for reasons we can’t know.

Now she thinks that she and Levi Henderson are meant to be. And maybe she’s right. And who am I, as her best friend, to tell her that she’s wrong and stomp all over her dream of happily ever after?

“You don’t believe me,” Abby says with a small smile. “And that’s okay. But one day, I hope you see.”

---