Page 28 of Lace

In the days that followed, Caleb truly wished he could believe what he told his uncle. That he was ‘all right’. He didn’t believe it. He didn’t feel it. After three days, he stopped trying to get Levi to answer his phone or his door, and went from not all right to miserable and lonely.

That source of unwavering support had wavered right out of existence—a mirage he’d finally focused on, only to recognise it wasn’t real after all. And until it was gone, he’d had no idea how much he’d counted on it.

“You have to have something to keep you busy.” This gem of advice came from the oddest place. Angel had cornered him in the cafeteria one day and asked why he hadn’t been helping to organise the coming fundraiser that seemed to be the only thing anyone on the entire campus could talk about.

“I’m not on the Council, Angel,” Caleb reminded him, wiggling out from where the bigger man had trapped him against the milk cooler. “I don’t have to help.”

Sure, he was part of the Benevolent Fund Committee, but his involvement there was in helping to organize the actual party. It had nothing to do with fundraising for it.

“What about Mitchell?” Angel asked. “He came to you first. He expects you to be a part of this.”

“I told him right from the start I wasn’t on the Council. The only reason he came to me was because of the clothes. He got what he wanted without my help, anyway.” Caleb dropped a can of vegetable juice onto his tray and walked on.

“He keeps asking where you are. Why you aren’t around.”

“Because Levi doesn’t want me around.” Caleb knew it sounded pitiful and self-absorbed. He dug his teeth into his lower lip as he slid his tray along the shelf in front of the cold sandwiches. He’d lost his appetite.

“Don’t make this about Levi.”

“Like it hasn’t always been about Levi. The only reason I was ever anywhere near that office was because of Levi. Let him sort it out.”

Angel shot him a surprised look.

“What?”

“Why don’t you care about this? I would think you, of all people, would want to be a part of it, to support what Mitchell is trying to do.”

“What? Make a spectacle of himself and every other guy who wants to buck your butch, hetero-normative world? Let him. Maybe they’ll knock him around for a while, whisper shit about him, and leave me the hell alone.”

“You’re an ass.” Angel sighed and set his tray down beside Caleb’s. “Mitchell’s a nice kid. A freaked out, panicking, nice kid. Why would you even think that kind of shit?”

“Do you seriously not see what’s going to happen when he gets his show on. People are going to go ballistic. They won’t be nice.” Caleb picked up his tray and turned his back. “Better he finds that out sooner, rather than later. Let him go be an accountant before he gets hurt.”

“You would really rather duck and cover than stand up beside him and help?”

“I’ve been picking myself back upallmy life, Angel! The first time someone called me a fag, I was in first grade. My father told me I heard wrong. No son of his was any kind of fag. I was five years old.”

“And so the best thing for you to do now is exactly what your dad did and walk away from someone who needs your support and understanding?”

“I’m tired.” He ran a thumb-nail along the side of his tray, picking at a scratch in the plastic that stuck out from the rest. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

Angel reached over and pulled the collar of Caleb’s T-shirt over, obscuring a thin strap of satin that had been peeking out. “Pick that up and come with me,” he ordered, pointed to Caleb’s lunch.

Not having any reason not to, Caleb did as he was told, paid for his food, and followed Angel to a table at the back of the Great Hall.

“So.” Angel poked a fork through his mashed potatoes and corn, mixing them together. He didn’t look up form his plate, and spoke between bites.

Caleb sat fiddling with the wrapper on his sandwich and listened.

“When I was a kid, I did a stupid, stupid thing. I have to live with it for the rest of my life. And you know who took the heat for it? Dwayne Sayer. He went to jail for something I did. To protect his little cousin with the glowing future, and every day since he’s been out, he’s had to deal with the shit that happened to him in there, with people’s attitudes about who and what he is because he’s been in the slammer. He used to tell me how exhausting it was just to get out of bed in the morning. To face the people whodidn’t want to give him the time of day. How he didn’t have the energy left to let anyone close to him.”

“What is your point?”

“My point is that one day, Eric came along and everything changed. Eric looked past the prison tattoos and the piercings, and let himself fall in love with a scary man. He changed his entire life to fit around Dwayne’s needs, his fears, his absolute need to control things, and I’m not saying he never once questioned Dwayne’s reasons. He did. Plenty. They had fights and both walked away more than once, but the fact is, Eric saw the Dwayne who protected me and very nearly destroyed himself in the process, and he was brave enough not to let go.

“Everyone deserves to have that kind of support. I had Dwayne. He has Eric. You have Levi?—”

“Levi doesn’t even get any of it.”

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