Page 97 of Salvation

“Shark is acts of services, for sure,” Jenna announced, downing the last of her pint.

“Meaning what?” I asked, determined not to roll my eyes at her.

“Meaning,” she said, bringing her face close to mine and hiccupping at me. “He likes to make my life easier.”

“I think you’ve drunk too much. None of these men care about how easy our lives are.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, my little negative friend. I think you’re close minded,” she replied, swiping up my drink and taking a big gulp. “He’s always doing thoughtful little things for me. Like, he changes the toilet roll in the holder instead of just putting the new one on top.”

“Fuck me!” I gasped. “Does the King know about this? We should write to him! This deserves a knighthood, surely?!”

“Okay, Miss Sarcasm, what’syourlove language?” Imogen challenged, raising her eyebrows at me.

I was saved from having to answer when Vienna came stumbling over to us, dragging his feet, his head hanging low.

“Ladies,” he whined, pouting his lower lip. “Can I sit with you for a while? Dante’s cut me off.”

“You’re not taking our drinks, Vienna,” I shook my head, covering the top of my glass with my hand. “In case it escaped your notice, this is a sin meeting. Old ladies only.”

“I can be an old lady.”

“If anyone was going to be an honorary old lady, it would be Chris,” Gemma countered. “And he already told us to go fuck ourselves when we offered.”

“I would never speak to you like that!” He gasped, clutching his chest. “I would talk makeup with you, and ten tricks for the perfect bikini wax. I’d even let you have a pillow fight in your underwear, no objection.”

“I’m sure you would,” I laughed, reaching over to pull a stray animal out of his beard. “But the answer is no. Now off you pop.”

He pouted even harder, and one by one we all pointed our fingers, silently banishing him. He turned around and took two steps before looking over his shoulder with sad puppy eyes. I bit my cheek to stop myself from laughing, because I knew he would see that as a victory.

I looked at the other old ladies, raising one eyebrow in silent question.

Jenna sighed heavily. “Fine!” She huffed, and the rest of the old ladies nodded.

“Vienna,” I called, not even bothering to look in his direction. I already knew he wasn’t far from us.

He let out a whoop and shuffled next to Jade, almost shoving her over in the process. She shoved him back, and his response was to climb over her. But in typical Vienna fashion, he climbed over her whilst standing, bending his legs slightly so his crotch was directly in her face.

She pushed him again, and he fell over, landing on Imogen and Gemma, who promptly pulled his hair and beard. He finally got settled next to Jade and Imogen and proceeded to elbow them both as hard as he could, which earned him one nip to his arm and one smack around the back of the head.

“You’re gonna love this, Vienna,” I told him when they finally finished squabbling over the seats.

“Oh?”

“Mhmm. We were just in the middle of discussing the act of love.”

His face brightened. “Well, ladies. You’re in luck. This just so happens to be my area of expertise. Ask me anything.”

“Oh, really?” I asked innocently, placing my elbow on the table and resting my chin on my hand. “So tell us, what would you say your love language is?”

“What in the teen magazine, take this quiz to see if you're in love, is this?”

“You mean youdon'thave a love language?” Jenna gasped. “Oh, Vienna…” all the old ladies pulled a sad face and shook their heads at him. Vienna looked at us all as we murmured noises of regret, causing him to frown even harder.

“Do you all have a love language?”

Perfectly in sync, we all nodded and said, “mmhmm.”

“Where do you learn this shit?”

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