Page 96 of Harbinger

“I care about you. Outside of a sexual context.” I rolled my eyes. “As infuriating as you can be sometimes.”

Vorzyr chuckled. “Sometimes? That’s extremely generous of you.”

Kai ignored the jab, too focused to register it, and stepped forward. “You keep pushing me out of your life until the next time that you need some dirty fucking around from me.”

I pulled away from them both. “Because, even though I care, it can’t escalate.” I looked between them. “The connection between us, Kai. This new thing between you and me, Vorzyr. Neither can go anywhere. I’ve tried to explain, but you don’t understand.” I shoved a hand through my hair and sank against the brick wall. “My life is not my own.”

“You’re right, I don’t understand.Wedon’t understand. Your life is what you make it, so long as you stand tall and fight for what you wish,” Vorzyr said, cocking his head to the side.

Kai folded his arms across his chest and remained silent, yet curious, more relieved and surprised than anything that I was actually finally addressing this.

“The whole supernatural world was personally involved when I reached magical maturity. I couldn’t havethatto myself. I had to put on a show at that fucking party. It was more political than a celebration. It had to be done to reassure everyone when it came to me. The friendships I had when I was a kid were very limited. And, Kai, ours was policed by our parents. They were always there watching, because they were always afraid that I’d have a tantrum and lose control and hurt you. And, as for those tantrums, those weren’t even private either. The explosions of my power were registered by the supernatural world, the likes of the Unity Council and high-ranking members of the Guardian Movement who put massive pressure on my family tocontrolme. My own fucking body isn’t even mine, is it? Tests were doneon me against my will and without my knowledge, because they all see me as a thing and not a fucking person, because of my great power.” I gestured back towardPolaris.“I lost my virginity in there, andthatcouldn’t even belong just to me either. It was with a vampire-sorcerer hybrid, an Ancient. Highly fucking durable with the vampire side alone. I thought that and me being in a place devoid of magic would be enough. But it wasn’t. I lost control in the throes of pleasure, when I… tasted release. I hurt him and I took out a chunk of the club in the process. Ryker Morgan had to teleport in alongside half the Guardian Movement to deal with the situation. It was mortifying. And it was another case of my life not being my own. All because ofwhatI am.”

“I’m so sorry,” Vorzyr uttered, coming to me.

But I held my hand up, willing him to stay back.

“I’m sorry, too, Ari. But things are different now. You’re older, in better control of your abilities. Tonight was a testament to that.”

“I’m really not.”

“What are you talking about? You just proved it,” Kai pushed.

I threw my hands up in the air and yelled in a whole lot of frustration, “I don’t have access to my full power!”

“What?” Vorzyr uttered. “How is that possible?”

“I put it away.”

“Fuck,” Kai said, shoving his hand through his hair, absolutely hating it.

I’d known he would, hence me not telling him so I didn’t have to deal with his staunch opinions on the subject. But with him pushing, I’d had to. I’d had to make him—and now Vorzyr—understand.

“I’m at, maybe, sixty percent capacity currently,” I informed them. “My family found out about it recently from that fuckingtest, and they’ve urged me to reunite with the parts I’ve put away. But I need to see the results of that test first.”

“You think it will help to reassure you that it’ll be okay when you reabsorb it all?” Vorzyr asked me.

“Something like that.”

I saw Kai frowning, knowing me too well to believe it was as simple as that.

Surprising me majorly, though, he didn’t pushthat.

He just stared at me in deep thought.

I shifted my weight under the scrutiny, then told them, “I’m gonna head back to the Academy and check in on Nyx regarding the tactical plan for the mission.”

“I thought we could go eat somewhere nearby,” Vorzyr said. “I’m ravenous after all of that, and you must be, too.”

“I’m fine. I’ll grab something from the Cafeteria. Actually, I’ll meet Nyx there. He might be avoiding going there still after what happened with Sorin, so me being there will help.”

“You’ve taking a liking to him, I see,” Vorzyr observed.

“They have the whole repression and fear of their abilities thing in common,” Kai said. “It’s not something easy to find at the Academy. Most students are obsessed with their own power and abilities, reveling in it.” Kai shook his head at me. “Not trying to bury it andhurtthemselves by doing so.”

And that was my cue. “We’re done here. And… thank you… for tonight… both of you.”

Before they could say another word, or try to convince me to stay for an intimate dinner date, which was what it sounded like Vorzyr had been building to, I teleported out.

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