Page 50 of So This Is Love

“You say that about every episode,” I say, teasing.

“I know, but I really love this one.”

My phone buzzes loudly drawing both our attention to where it sits on the kitchen counter.

“You don't want to get that?” Laila asks when I don’t make any move to get up.

“Nah, it’s probably nothing and if it is they’ll call back.”

Truthfully I’m just not in the mood to talk to anyone. After coming back from performing with Dez in Baltimore, it’s felt like everyone has wanted something from me.

News outlets want statements, or interviews about the performance, and what I’m up to. Essence reaching out more to get me on her album. Even Dez asking me to come back out for more stops on his tour because the buzz has been so crazy. So many questions that I really don’t have the answer for.

Does this mean you’re back?

Are you going to do more performances?

When’s your next album coming out?

So many questions.

The quiet, simplicity that I had just a few weeks ago now nonexistent. I had to tell Morgan to stop telling me about everything that’s been going on because I just don’t have the answers.

Everything combined has put so much more on my plate and I don’t even know where to begin.

Laila waves a hand in front of my face, trying to get my attention. I hadn’t realized I was zoned out, battling with all the things in my head but when I look up at the tv, the show is paused halfway through the episode.

“My bad, what did you say?” I say, focusing my eyes on Laila.

She has on one of my hoodies that she stole out of my closet, something that has become a frequent habit of hers when we watch tv on my couch. They usually end up leaving with her but in the small chance that she leaves them, her lemon and vanilla scent clings to the fabric reminding me of her even in her absence.

“What’s got you zoned out?”

“Thinking about the meeting I had with that label.”

Laila scrunches her nose. Performing with Dez made me realize that I wanted to get back into music sooner rather than later and so I decided to take a couple of meetings with labels. I filled Laila in on the most recent meeting while we split a cinnamon roll from her favorite place, so she knows exactly how terribly that encounter went.

“Everything feels the same. I’ve met with so many executives, and so many labels, but it all feels like the same bullshit just delivered from a different person. I haven’t met anyone that has made me feel like I can trust them with not just my music but me as a human.”

“Maybe you just have to trust yourself instead.”

My phone starts buzzing again on the counter. It stops and then immediately starts again. I guess that means it's important. I tap Laila’s ankle for her to move her feet and when she does I stand to go answer my phone.

“Hello,” I say into the phone when I place it against my ear.

“Hey Bryce,” Lauryn says.

“What’s wrong?” I ask immediately.

Lauryn never calls me ‘Bryce’, I can’t even remember the last time she’s used my first name. It’s always ‘B’ or baby bro, or even Sonny, but never Bryce.

She doesn’t say anything for a minute and my worry and impatience grows.

“Lauryn?”

“Mommy is in the hospital,” Lauryn says, her voice quiet and quivering on the last word.

My vision goes blurry as I try to process Lauryn’s words but I can’t. I can’t understand because it can’t be true.

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