Page 51 of So This Is Love

I place my free hand down on to the edge of the counter to brace myself, my entire body going numb.

“What?” I croak.

I hear Lauryn take in a deep breath, trying to contain her own emotions, before she speaks again. “Shannon called Mommy’s phone but she didn’t answer. She called again and a nurse answered her phone and said she was in the hospital but she didn’t give any more information. I have to go pick up RJ from the sitter and –”

I don’t hear the rest of Lauryn’s sentence, the words fading into the background noise of my brain. The pain in my chest rises as the eerie sense of deja vu heightens as I remember the last time one of my sisters and I were on a call so similar to this one.

“What hospital?”

Hearing that, Laila turns around on the couch and looks at me with concern written all over her face.

“Shannon didn’t want me to tell you because she doesn’t want you to worry and I’m on my way there already.”

“What hospital, Lauryn?” I ask, frustrated that even now as a grown ass man, they’re treating me like a kid who only gets little bits and pieces of information.

“Jasper Heights.”

I pull the phone away from my face and end the call, dropping the phone onto the counter next to me I squeeze my eyes closed, trying desperately to get my rapidly beating heart to slow down.

I feel Laila’s presence when she comes up next to me. Her signature lemon and vanilla scent infiltrating my nostrils andoffering my body an ounce of calm and reprieve from my mind that was set on conjuring up every worst case scenario.

Scenarios that I hope with every fiber of my being aren’t true. They can’t be true.

“Breathe,” Laila says softly.

I inhale deeply, holding it for a moment and then exhaling before repeating the process several more times. Through the cotton of my t-shirt I feel Laila rub my back in slow comforting circles.

“I have to go to the hospital,” I whisper.

“Then let’s go.”

***

I stare at the numbers on the elevator as they climb, feeling like they’re moving in slow motion. The entire drive to the hospital felt so much longer than the actual half an hour it took to get here.

Laila steps closer to me and slides her hand into mine, her palm soft as her fingers entwine perfectly with mine. She gives my hand a gentle, reassuring squeeze. I look from our hands to her face and give a small half smile that I hope conveys how grateful I am that she’s here with me.

The elevator finally stops and the door slides open. We follow the signs in the hallway towards the room number the hospital’s receptionist wrote down on the slip of paper that’s in my pocket.

415.

As we approach the door opens and my sister Shannon steps out, shutting it softly behind her.

“What’s going on, is everything okay?” I ask.

“Mom is fine,” Shannon says agitated. “I told Lauryn not to tell you and get you all worried.”

“Get me all worried?” I echo back frustrated and confused. “What else should I be when I get a call that our mom is in the fucking hospital.”

The words come out louder than I intended and a nurse walking by gives me a side eye.

“See, this is exactly why I didn’t want you to know.”

“And that’s for you to decide?” I counter.

Shannon cuts her eyes at Laila beside me.

“Can I talk to you?” she asks before turning to Laila and directing her next word to her. “Alone.”

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