Page 61 of So This Is Love

“That’s Uncle Henry, my mom’s brother. He’s a smooth talker but he’s harmless.”

Bryce and I finally make it to the front of the line and make our plates of food. It’s a full barbecue spread and everything looks delicious, so I fill my plate up with a little bit of everything. Bryce leads us to a table full of people around our age and he introduces me to his cousins. We eat and talk and I find myself able to completely relax as the night goes on.

20

Sonny

“Run that back again.”

Blue presses a button and the song starts to play through the headphones again. I close my eyes and listen intently. I listen, trying to find any flaws or things I want to change but when the song ends, I come up empty. I know that Blue will tweak a few things to clean it up before it’s really finished, but I’m really happy with it.

I open my eyes and pull the headphones down from my ears as the final notes of the song play, relishing in the feeling of finishing another song.

There’s something incredible about when what starts out as just a few lines in my head turns into a whole song playing through the speakers. It’s been a decade of making music professionally and still this feeling hits me every time I make a song I connect deeply with.

I hang my headphones on the mic and step out of the booth. I take a seat in the chair next to Blue.

“Nigga that was magic,” Blue says. “I knew that beat would be perfect for you.”

Blue had sent me a couple of beats earlier in the week to see if I was interested in any of them. They all matched the vibe, but this one in particular called out to me.

“Yeah it flowed really easy, I haven’t written a song in the booth in a long time and definitely not something that I like this much.”

“Your heart wasn’t in that other shit and it shows. Don’t get me wrong it was a hit and your vocals carried it but this,” Blue points to his monitor that has the song we just made. “This is too good to stay in the drafts. You’re on your lover boy shit and this is where you belonged all along.”

“Lover boy shit,” I echo, laughing.

“So what’s the plan, are you back or what?”

I run a hand over my hair and sigh. “Man, I wish I had the answer. I had a meeting with a label a few weeks ago and it just reminded me how much I don’t want to be in that environment again. It’s toxic.”

“So then don’t.”

I shake my head. “It’s not that easy. I took time off to figure shit out and I still found myself writing songs. I don’t think I’m ready to give it up yet.”

“Nah, I didn’t mean give up music,” Blue says. “I mean do it on your own. Then no one can tell you what you can and can’t do.”

“You forreal?”

“Shit, why not?”

“Because it could all go really fucking wrong and then its all on me.”

“Or it could all go right,” Blue says, shrugging. “It could be your key to greatness. You can’t be so afraid of things going wrong, cause that’s always a possibility. If you let it hold you back you’ll never know.”

Blue stands from his chair. “I’ma step out for a minute for a smoke and call my lady.”

“For sure, do your thing,” I reply.

You can’t keep doing the same things and expect a different outcome.

Morgan’s words hit me again.

Being an independent artist was never something that I ever considered. I always thought that I would be signed to a label, it was just a given. Now, for the first time, I give myself permission to dream outside of the confines that I placed on myself.

21

Laila

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