Page 66 of So This Is Love

I scrunch my face in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“You made it clear that you want this,” he motions between the two of us. “To be private. I wouldn’t ask you on a date just to violate that.”

My shoulders, that I hadn’t realized were raised, relax. I allow myself to let go of the lingering tension in my body. Bryce takes my hand in his, interlacing our fingers as he leads me to our destination.

We walk past the row of boats lined up at the dock until we reach the one at the very end, the largest of them all.

My eyes widen at the yacht in front of us. “All of this is for us?”

“Of course.”

The sun is just starting to set as we step on the boat. One of the members of the staff greets us telling us to enjoy ourselves and that dinner would be ready soon. Bryce leads me up to the top deck.

The sky is a beautiful combination of yellows and pinks, the sun passing behind the buildings. I smile at the beauty of it all.With no other boats around it feels like we’re in our own little haven.

My eyes land on one of the many pots of flowers around the deck, reminding me of something that had been on my mind for a while.

“Why do you always send me flowers?”

“When I first looked at your Instagram you had a bunch of pictures with you and your friends but two of your highlights were sunsets and flowers. I can’t give you sunsets, that’s all straight from the man upstairs, but I can give you flowers.”

“Oh,” I say softly, taken aback by the deep meaning behind his actions.

The boat is moving, pushing further away from dock and out onto the lake. I watch as the buildings retreat, getting further and further away when Bryce speaks again.

“Why do I make you nervous?”

“Who says that you do?” I ask.

“You do,” Bryce replies. “Everytime you realize that you’ve let me in, you shut down again.”

I take in deep breaths of the fresh air, preparing myself to tell a story that I’ve never had to tell in its entirety to another person.

“A few months before we ran into each other again, I got out of a really bad relationship,” I pause, needing a minute before continuing.

I feel Bryce come up behind me, his front to my back and his hands placed on the railing right next to mine. It’s an action that would feel constricting with anyone else, but it’s comforting from him.

“He was my first serious relationship. I had dated some before, but nothing significant or long term. Things moved fast but he seemed to be everything that I wanted. He said and did all the right things until he just didn’t. It felt like he changed overnight.”

“He put his hands on you?” Bryce asks, his voice low.

I shake my head. “No, nothing physical. He started lying. It was little things at first and then it turned into him lying about his whereabouts and hiding his phone. When I would bring it up he would always talk himself out of it, tell me that I was crazy or looking for things to be wrong.”

I let out a humorless chuckle. “Until he couldn’t use that excuse anymore, because he had gotten another woman pregnant.”

Bryce lets out a breath. “Shit.”

“That’s when I finally woke up and stopped being so oblivious to his bullshit. But the damage was already done.”

“You can’t blame yourself for the actions of someone else, Laila.”

“No, but I can blame myself for my own actions. I should have seen what was happening for what it was.”

“Youshouldgive yourself grace. You didn’t deserve what you experienced and you shouldn’t minimize the trauma of the experience.”

“That’s hard to do when it’s the reason letting you in feels so damn daunting.”

We both stand in silence for a moment, the last remnants of light giving away to the night sky.

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