Page 78 of So This Is Love

“Yeah it's just cramps,” I reply. “My period was supposed to start two days ago, but my body is drawing out the suffering this month.”

“Oh the joys of being a woman,” Cass says.

She places a shipping label on the box that she just finished packing, closing it up with tape. “You don’t have to stay if you aren’t feeling well, you know that.”

“I know, but I want to help get these orders out before the weekend. I’ll be cuddled up with my heating pad all day tomorrow while I work from home.”

“You know what always gets my period to start?” Cass asks.

“What?”

“Taking a pregnancy test.”

“You can’t be for real.” I say.

“I’m so serious,” she says. “Anytime my period is later than I expect it to be, I take a test and boom within a few hours, maybe a day max, my period starts.”

I look at her skeptically. “I don’t know. I have all the symptoms I usually have before my period starts so I know it’s on its way.”

“Of course, but just know if you want to speed up the arrival, my trick does it every time.”

We continue packing orders, doing a mixture of singing along to the songs playing through the speaker and catching up. We have made it a little over three quarters of the way through the orders we wanted to fulfill today when Cass’s phone starts to ring. She sets down the order that she was working on and picks up her phone, smiling at the name of the caller. From the way she answers the phone I know it’s Cyrus. She walks out of the room, talking to him, a joyfulness in her tone that only he brings out of her that I’m so happy she gets to experience.

While she’s gone my cramps intensify causing more discomfort, so much so that I can’t just ignore them like I’ve been trying to do. I finish packing the body butters for the last order that I have and then I take a break, sitting down in one of the nearby chairs.

My eyes are squeezed shut and I’m breathing through another intense cramp when Cass comes back.

“Girl, go home,” she says when she sees me.

This time I don’t even bother arguing with her, both because it would be futile and also because I don’t actually feel good. We made a decent sized dent in our orders and that’s good enough for me today.

I pick up my things from my desk, my purse and the fresh bouquet of flowers that was delivered this morning. Bryce has continued to send me flowers frequently. Roses, peonies, hydrangeas, always something different. Today itswhite roses.

I usually leave them on my desk to enjoy while at work but I won’t be working in the office for a few days, so I opt to take them home with me. I call a rideshare to go home because at this moment I don’t have the energy for walking or taking public transportation and just want to get to my bed and heating pad as quickly as possible. The driver comes after a few minutes and the ride is quick and uneventful, just what I needed.

When I get out of the car, thanking the driver as I close the door, I see the pharmacy that’s across the street from my building. I take a second to debate whether or not I should take Cass’s advice.

Another twinge of pain hits my lower abdomen causing me to wince.

Fuck it why not.

I leave the vase of flowers in the lobby of my building while I go to the pharmacy, freeing my arms from carrying them to the store with me

As I enter the store, I grab a handbasket and walk first to the snack aisle. I let my stomach guide me as I grab things. Chocolate and sour gummy worms and salt and vinegar chips all find their way into my basket before I move on. A couple aisles over, next to the tampons and the condoms are the pregnancy tests.

I’ve never paid much attention to pregnancy tests before. The two very full shelves with so many different options immediately overwhelms me.

Digital. Not digital. Early detection. Advanced early result. The blue brand. The pink brand. Pluses and minuses and lines and smiley faces. So many different choices for one product.

I grab one at random, hoping that Cass’s trick isn’t brand specific. I take my items to self checkout, setting the basket on the designated space next to the register. I do a double take when I scan the pregnancy test box, startled at the price of something that I only intend to pee on. I toss it into the bag with the rest of my things and then take out my card to pay. I grab the mile long receipt after it prints out and leave the store, stuffing it into the bag with my items.

In my apartment, I hang my purse on the hook by the door and drop the bag of things I bought from the pharmacy on the kitchen counter along with the flowers.I

go to my bathroom and turn on my shower to warm it up while I strip out of my clothes. TI don’t bother reading the instructions. It should be as simple as peeing on the stick right? I rip the box open and pull out one of the tests, taking the top off before sitting down to take the test. I place the test on the counter next to the sink, wash my hands and then turn on the shower water to warm it up.

The warmth of the shower water hitting my skin feels amazing and helps soothe the discomfort that I’ve been feeling through the day. I stand under the water for much longer than necessary before I actually start the process of cleaning my body.

Eventually I turn off the water and dry off, moisturizing and then putting on the robe hanging from my bathroom door. As I slip my arms into the second sleeve, my eye catches the pregnancy test on the counter. I left it face up and on the test is something I never expected.

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